piratekitten, bla bla update

[piratecat]

Well my dd's dad hasn't made any improvement in his treatment of her.

All that counselling, that she has had, that he knows about, hasn't influenced him.

He apologised to her for letting her down all last year (well 3 yrs in all) just before xmas. He did two visits, then the third involved springing his wife on dd, which dd had to agree to. There was no gradual getting back to having a relationship.
So, he spent an afternoon with dd on 23rd dec, at his. (dd had been refusing to see him last year, and the weeing problem , nightmares, depression happened)

Then rang the night before he was due to go away on hols, to spend that infamous 25mins with her. Well that was Dec 29th.

So much for a fresh start and him crying to me at how lovely it had been havingher over etc...

brave dd.

duped mother.

He called 3 weeks ago, in the evening to ask if he could see her next day, but i had to say she had plans. Which she did. She was torn tho.

Back to square one. I could fucking kill him. I also am very angry for 'stepping in' once again last year to try and get them back on track.
I did it for dd, of course, not him.

Is it time to get my voodoo doll out and wish cancer of the bellend upon him?

Coldtits, hi!

I almost couldn't be bothered to post, it not being a huge dilema, but mmore of just a 'sigh' what the fuck shall i do now.

yes, please do whatever you deem fit.

I know there is no answer. I tell other posters on here all the time.

Right, I shall tell you what I did. I made a playdoh model of a small and floppy penis, and then I dug my fingernails into it, all the way through. Try it, it's good.

thanks!! i will.x

Hi pc

I think you can rest in the knowledge that you've done your best - try to keep doing what you are doing, focus on keeping yourself and dd happy and settled and, if and when he gets in touch to see her let him come to your house alone and start the whole process again. Your dd shouldn't have to be subject to his whims, and introducing his wife like that was unfair. Assume that he's not going to see her, plan lots of nice things for you and your dd and then let him work to prove to you both that he can be responsible enough for short visits at your dd's convenience.

It's really sad, but you've done everything you possibly can, and your dd's wellbeing and happiness comes first .

thanks for the vote of confidence to keep going!

his wife is one of the problems dd has had in the past few yrs.

He prob won't 'do' coming on his own again, and this is where it goes tits up for me. DD would like one to one, but he won't. So dd either has to go along with it, and we hope the visit works out. ie , that they all go and do soemthing and she's happy with that.

So many times, the ball has been back in his court and it has gone ok, but then it's tailed off. He loses interest again, or something happens and he cocks up and dd refuses to see him. She is scared of being let down. Or his wife upsets her in some way.

It is not unreasonable for your dd to want some one on one time when she sees him so rarely. Could you let him know that your dd would be pleased to see him but, as there has been such a long gap again, that she will need to do what is comfortable, ie- a short visit locally (or at your's?) with just him initially? If he really wants to see her then he'll have to agree that she has some say in what makes her feel at ease, especially since it has caused such problems for her in the past year. She is very obviously badly affected by what has happened, and her happiness should be paramount to him. I'd be tempted (wrongly or rightly!) to say that unless he sees her on these terms then he won't see her...

If he begins to understand that he will have to keep going back to square one (short, one on one visits nearby) every time he leaves a long gap between contact then it may encourage him to keep the visits up (or maybe not?!). For you, too, this might give some structure - if he leaves visits for more than x weeks then the whole process begins again, then your dd doesn't feel that she is expected to do more than she feels able to. This may be an ideal-world solution, but it is kind of sending the message to him that contact should be to the benefit not detriment of your dd, even if he is inconvenienced.

piratecat - my own dad was like this - let me tell you that your daughter will remember that he is unreliable as she gets older - he will be the loser because eventually she will simply stop caring about him.

Fluffybubble's post above looks a good plan - if he will agree to it. Contact has to be for his daughter's benefit and not to mess her up even more.

hi fluffybubble,

you post was great thanks, and just confirmed my thoughts, and how my mind has been working thru all of this.
Unfortunately, i have tried this before, and been told where to go. ie my way or the high way from him.

I am especially angry with him, and find it very hard to equate him to the man I married now. I really thought that it had coem to head and that things would improve.

His new life is more important, afterall.

jolly, i do hope she is going to get to that point, and that the hurt and rejection do not spoil how she feels about herself.

She is only 6, but i hope i do give her a feeling of self worth to keep her going.

i really wish i could be stronger. Got a call/message last night from him, he was a tad peeved that i wasn't answering the phone.

The guy calls so willy nilly, that i refuse to jump.

Yet it still unnerves me.

I need to take control, i need to stop this connection.

I get really confused, HOW doe she have this ability, and why does it bother me.

I feel guilty. thats ridicullous.