Two years of court appointments (this time)at an end. Sorry, a bit long.

[CuddlyKelpie]

My ex has had contact with his son for donkey's years, pretty much following the same routine with the odd adjustment. The ex is a bit of a pig, to say the least and makes fairly unreasonable demands, I think he resents me leaving him (about 8yrs ago) and is punishing me but I may be paranoid. Or not.

When he doesn't get his own way, he takes me to court and every new appointment makes further demands, the majority of which I can let slide as they don't make that much difference to me but it's the ones that do impact that cause the problem.

This last stint at court, as I said has been going on for about two years, first he wanted me to bring ds to him, then it was bring him half way (I agreed to some of the 1.5hr journey), then it was holidays (he wants to control when we go abroad to visit my parents and would rather we didn't) if he hasn't got an argument he just lies!

So anyway, that is the short background, today we were at court again and the judge basically told him that his demands were unreasonable and that compared to most other fathers, he enjoys a very good level of contact with his son so should be satisfied. I feel like it is finally at a conclusion. I have compromised so much so that I could make a stand where it mattered to me and ds. I cannot see that he can now go back to court without being (more) unreasonable.

I am so very glad it is at an end that I am celebrating with a glass of wine.

Woo Hoo! Raise a glass with me to an end to the grief!

Hurray!

Well done you. How old is your DS?

Cheers!

so pleased for you, my ex is similar so I know how you feel. Well done for rising above it and doing the best for your ds

I am so so pleased for you. I work in the family Court system and I know how draining it is to be subjected to application after application. I am so glad that you have been dealt with fairly by the Judge. Hopefully you will at last get some peace

good for you.

out of interest, im wondering how much contact is reasonable or good, in courts eyes??

am negotiating with my ex at the mo.

mankymummy-it is so hard to say-depends on all sorts of factors-age of child, distance between homes, the amount of contact the child is used to and the Judge you get on the day! negotiation is always better that a fight-if possible-then atleats you both get a little of what you want.

My son is nearly 10. He sees his Dad every other weekend from Friday eve to Sunday eve. He spends a min 4 weeks of hols a year with his Dad plus we split christmas. I used to be very flexible around weekends, allowing him to cancel his then have one of mine instead but he did it too much and wouldn't afford me the same flexibility so I refused to keep doing it and now stick to the routine for my sanity.

The problem I have experienced is that so very many Mums are quite unreasonable that the court assumes a level of unreason on your part. I think I was afforded respectability because I always maintained contact and did not cry (abuse or violence)wolf.
You have to decide what you want to achieve, then push a bit but be willing to compromise and you will generally leave satisfied.

Can I just add there that I am not criticising those Mums with genuine concern regarding abuse and violence. That is a totally different situation to mine and a very, very serious one.
I just mean that the one's who do cry wolf make life difficult for everyone, including the genuine cases.

well done to you, so glad it seems to be at an end and that you had a decent Judge.
I would raise a glass to you but I'm living in a dry country will raise a glass of grape juice instead

Oh well done you raising a large magnum of top quality champagne to you!!! I'm just starting out on this long horrible journey so you are my isnporation tonight!! Going thru x's mythical fairytale Form E (financial docs) which I finally got tonight (in court Tues first thing ) but got my highlighters and 3 pages of A4 worth of questions for him!!!! FWIW my x doesn't see his dc at all cos he was putting them in danger and won't agree to supported contact. Anyway.......... Enough of me - CONGRATULTONS you can now spend your time, effort and money on you and your ds!!

Cuddly well done it is an absolutely fab relief and after two years and a half years myself I couldnt really believe it and didnt celebrate enough so enjoy your celebration really enjoy it.

If you think the ex is being unreasonable, ask your solicitor if s/he feels that an application for a Section 91(14) might help keep matters out of court.

S91(14) is an order by the court to a parent to not make any applications to the court without asking for permission from a Judge first. The order in it's self should be a last resort. There are a few criteria that needs to be met before the application can be made, but if you ask the solicitor, you should get an understandable answer.

Thankyou very much for the cheers, raised glasses of wine, grape juice and bubbly (of any quality)

For the others who have also reached the end of the line - Wooooooo to you too!

For those who are on the journey, [supportive shoulder pats aplenty] and the assurance that light is at the end of the tunnel. Happy highlighting - may you never run out of ink.

And N1 my dear, if I wanted to open the whole can of worms again I could go down that route but I think at this stage, if my ex took me back to court, the judge would laugh! He already cannot get a solicitor to represent him anymore! It's OVER. Oh Yes.