It hurts so much...early days of being single mum, missing dcs during 'contact' - advice on coping?

[KumquatMaye]

Feel totally numb and grieving when the kids are not around!!!! It hurts so bad and I wanted to know how others more experienced cope.

I have 2 dcs 7 and 1, and miss them both in different ways. Ex-h has them 5 nights per fortnight, which I tried to reduce (for many and complex reasons, but honestly yes also because I am in pain..) to 4, but he threatened court action. Although I am not afraid of going to court, the stress of that proposition is an awful prospect. During the times he has the children he is constantly trying to turn my son away from me so that he can get the extra time that he would like with the children.

Anyway I digress - just wanted to get some tips on not going completely and utterly mad whilst my lo's are away. I don't feel like a proper mum anymore

that should have been NOW I quite look forward to it.
At the beginning I couldn't see how I could get through it, certainly not come to accept it as a regular event.
And I do still miss them when they are with their dad, but I also enjoy not being woken up at 6.30am, having some lounge about time, not having to think about tea on the nights they are at his, going shopping on a Sat with no other concerns.

Yes, there are things I don't like, and I wish it hadn't happened. But a year ago I could not imagine feeling the way I do now.

Mine are 6 and just 3.

Yes i can see those are the good things...ok trying to be positive here I do not miss making ds packed lunch...I hate it when I remember it needs doing at 11pm when I have just decided to go to bed...that is the first positive I can think of!

when did you split?

We split June last year, but it took until October til he moved out. So I suppose am 4 months into doing it like this. Life feels so fecking hard at the moment, every day is a battle and the pleasure has gone from everything that should give me pleasure, apart from the time with the kids. I feel so guilty cos I ended it. Plus now he's got his act together to a certain extent, little voices say the right thing to do is to have him back, but everything he has done and put me through...I just can't can't can't.

It is still very early days for you, but it does get easier.
I remember feeling a little low & lonely when my boys first started going off with their dad for the day/evening, but now I look forward to the break.

My exh works shifts, so there is no proper pattern, but he sees them as often as he can (this week he had them for tea after school Tues & yesterday, then he is taking them tomorrow for the weekend), which is good for the boys as they really look forward to it.
I have a new DP now, and enjoy spending a bit of "grown up" time with him when I have weekend breaks. Other times I meet up with friends or just enjoy chilling...oh and the weekend lie ins!