Should I allow DD to see even more of her dad?

[mocca]

I'm a single mum to a DD of 9 and have a good relationship with my ex for her sake. He lives locally and has her every other weekend, one night during the week, as well as picking her up from school 3 days a week and doing various activities. There's some flexibility built into this as well.

It works well and she's happy but sometimes if it's a week she only has one overnighter, she asks for another because she misses him. This morning she asked for ane extra night and I gently refused and she was visibly upset. I think routine is important and she sees him most days anyway. My ex only left me 2 years ago and already has another family; his girlfriend has a DD of 11 and is having his baby in June. He also has ANOTHER DD of 8 by someone else (conceived shortly after my DD and although I knew her from birth, didn't find out he was the father until 6 years later!). So although he's a great dad, I do have reservations about the way he lives his life.

I just want to do what's best for my DD and hate to see her upset but feel she has plenty of time with her dad. I can't help but feel I might be being selfish though - what do people think?

Hi mocca!
its a hard one to call this
i think you are both doing whats right by her anyway
what has he said about it?
my dcs would like to see more of their dad tbh but he can't do it due to work commitments
fortunately they accept this

I think that unless there is a really good reason why not to, then you should let her. Think of it the other way round. She spends more time living with her Dad and asks to see you more because she misses you.

Has she talked about the new baby? I wonder if wanting to spend more time with her Dad is because she is worried that she'll feel left out when the baby arrives, and I wonder if she feels a little envious of her step-sister as she gets to live with her (ie your dd's) Dad all the time and she doesn't.

Thanks, I have had a think and talked to my ex and he said if it was the other way round, he'd have no problem with it. And I see the point about her feeling left out when the new baby comes. So will be more flexible in future.

I don't want to sound to "out of place" because I don't know any more than what's in this topic.

Could there be a possibility that the mother is a bit worried that the child wants to see more of her father and less of her mother, which concerns the mother?

I know my ex is like this. My son wants to see more of me but if he brings up the subject with his mother, she is right nasty to him for weeks on end for even thinking the thought.

If both parents have a good working relationship and good communication, would it be wrong to agree to another night during the week? An additional night might just tip the balance of time to the father, which might mean that he could apply for the child benefit (and other benefits) because he has the child in his care for more of the time. Usually nothing changes without someone asking for the change to happen.

While I am not trying to suggest something adverse, if you know the score from the start, you can plan for the unexpected.

if he is a good fater and yo know were she is and she is being looked after properly, i would let her have an extra day, maybe every couple of weeks if your unsure about it though dont as you ned to feel comfortable sendind your child

I share my children 50 /50 with their father and it works well for all. The kids are happy to see me when it's their turn to come "home", likewise they're happy to see their dad when it's his turn. We all have time to recharge our batteries inbetween times (kids included!) and as long as we stick to a fairly set routine it works well for all.

It has taken us a while to get to this stage I admit and I still have a few text wars with the Ex but it's working well so hopefully it'll continue. I do miss the kids when they're away but it gives me a chance to get all the chores and boring stuff out of the way so they can have more attention when they do come home.

I really don't think there are any set rules in this, it's what works best for you as a family and principally your little girl.

Chrissie x