Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Six month pregnant + toddler: husband emailed to say leaving us - what next?

39 replies

toddlerhip · 22/01/2009 22:46

Husband told me after argument yesterday he'd resigned from his job & was leaving us. I said he had financial responsibilities but he implied if he decided to get another job at all it wouldn't be one at the same level. He ate lunch with us but this evening i found an email he sent this morning (although he works from home...) saying he was leaving us in a month and i'd better take legal advice to protect me and the children. Could be a bluff, he's said he's leaving several times before and once told me he'd written to his lawyer about a divorce but the following week said it was a bluff just to "give me a taste". I don't work and couldn't get an equivalent job here as we moved from London after ds1 was born and i wanted to look after the children til school age anyway. Big old house, currently in middle of major repairs, huge mortgage, in joint names but most of deposit paid with money i saved working before kids. I would probably lose all 10 years of savings if we had to sell the house now. Have moved too many times anyway to want to move again, especially with baby due in 3 months. Husband wouldn't care about losing house, not materially motivated. Re children - says he never wanted them anyway. Besides the finances, I have temporary mobility problems (stick / crutches) due to a pregnancy complication. He has never been much of a helper or wanted anything of a family life with us but i rely on him at the moment to help get toddler up / down the 60 stairs in our house morning and evening. Not long in this area so no proper friends here to talk to. Any advice / info esp re husbands obligations much appreciated.

OP posts:
MrsMattie · 23/01/2009 11:05

CAB. Make an appt NOW. He sounds like an absolute SHIT, by the way.

northwest1 · 23/01/2009 14:10

My jaw just got lower and lower reading about your husband. I can't see any redeeming features in him from your description.

I think Mrs Pickles' advice is very good, perhaps see if you can get a 'free half hour' from someone to start you off.

And ermm... no-one's mentioned one possible solution so i'll stick my neck out and get shot down for it. I wouldn't blame you if you had an affair. Bit risky but maybe you'll feel better if you find someone who values you and your child. May also give you a financial way out. The ultimate escape plan if you like.

Your GP can prescribe antidepressants, send you to a counselor or both. What a GP doesn't have is time so you may feel the consultation is bit rushed. Most practices let you ask for a double appointment (usually 20 minutes) and a depression consultation is the reason why.

Sorry you're going through this.

gingerninja · 23/01/2009 14:19

God you need to distance yourself and your children from this abuse. Your elf confidence will be so low soon you won't be able to leave him and personally I can't see any other way out for you. You need to take the driving seat and stop letting him dictate the terms of your marriage. I hope you find the strength to do the right thing for you and your boy.

toddlerhip · 23/01/2009 15:02

The CAB said i have the same responsibility towards the mortgage even though i gave up my job for childcare and moved away from where i could get an equivalent job and will be having the baby soon. They said he can take 50% of the house if it is sold even though i brought the majority of savings to the deposit. They said if he doesnt pay the mortgage next month the house will eventually be reposessed and the council will rehouse me & the children probably in shared accommodation. His only responsibility will be to pay a percentage of his earnings (if he has any) towards child maintenance and if he isn't agreeing to discuss it with me (which he isnt) then i will have to chase him through the child payment agency.

OP posts:
emskaboo · 23/01/2009 15:39

The CAB advice you got is accuarate in parts but misses out a lot of the subtle stuff that a family law specialist would be able to give you. As you are currently a SAHM you will be entitled to Legal Aid and can therefore see a solicitor for free. Please go and see a legal aid solicitor and get some decent advice.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 23/01/2009 16:00

The CAB def misses stuff out, My sis was in not a dissimilar situation she moved to scotland (from devon)and her not so dh left her via email 5 days later with 3 children 4 and under.

She claims housing benifit against her mortage ( the mortage was changed to an interest only) and the HB covers it completely.

She also recieves income support which allows her to access other benifits free school meals for children etc. And although it took a year she now recieves some maintence through CSA

As for the house she is able to stay in it untill her youngest is 18, or she remarries and on the sale despite having not finnacially put a great deal into the property she negotiated a 70/ 30 split in her favour one note of caution is that she divorced through the english courts as the Scotish system is slightly different. But get proper legal advice pleeeeeeease don't just accept that he can do this !!!! He has responsibilities that he has to face want to or not he can't cotinue to behave like a spolit child and ask him to leave if there are any difficulties claiming benifits.

Good Luck ( my sis's divorce came through on xmas an it was the best christmas presnt she could have got

usernamechanged345 · 23/01/2009 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovemydogandMrObama · 23/01/2009 21:03

You need proper legal advice.

Really -- if your DH doesn't make one mortgage payment the bank will repossess?

There are lots of other options other than selling the house.

You need to see a family law specialist.

Rach1523 · 23/01/2009 21:23

E-MAILED!! What an idiot!! I think it will be hard given your circumstances but he sounds like an arse, and you can't really be with someone who treats you like this. I really feel for you, in a new area and all, do you have family you can go stay with for a while?

CandleQueen · 23/01/2009 21:37

Is it possible for Toddler to initiate a divorce through the English courts even though she's resident in Scotland?

ilovemydogandMrObama · 24/01/2009 12:53

toddler - post this in Legal Issues and hopefully mumoverseas will see it.

usernamechanged345 · 24/01/2009 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BumblBeee · 25/01/2009 11:31

Try asking Shelter for advice. They are up-to-date with English and Scottish law and are very interested in protecting families and vulnerable people.

"link here england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice"

toddlerhip · 30/01/2009 22:36

Thanks to all for your advice. I was about to apply for legal aid when my dad arranged to meet my husband. Don't know exactly what was said but he came home a completely different person, civil, helpful, even discussing various problems. And has been since the weekend apart from one very weird blip which, astonishingly, he apologised for. This kind of temporary change has happened before and never lasted but there is more riding on it this time. I can't afford to be on my own right now, and my husband is very good to our son when he sees him. It is a huge relief to have a civil and even affectionate relationship after so many months. It is so easy to forget what it was like for so long. I feel so grateful that life is not pure hell but eventually there is the long term to think about so will see how long this lasts. Thanks again for all support.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page