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Lone parents

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Original poster

pregnant and going at it alone...help

18 replies

chrissiepinklady · 21/01/2009 22:16

hi my names Chrissie
im 23 and have found out im 6 weeks pregnant although i was on the pill. im no longer with the dad and have not told him as yet, at the moment we still get on but i know that is going to change. i am planing on telling him when i reach 12 weeks. although it is still early days i still have no idea where to begin i was made redundant in nov last year and have been struggling to get a job with no luck as yet. im not going to be able to live at home with my mum when the baby comes as of lack of space and unsutible enviroment. any advice will be fantastic as im starting to panic xx

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Haribosmummy · 21/01/2009 22:21

Hi there,

Were you working consistently up to November 08? If so, you will qualify for maternity allowance. It's not great (max. £400 per month) but better than a kick in the teeth.

As to the dad.... why don't you want to tell him now? Do you think he might ask you to terminate? If not, I'd tell him ASAP.

I can't help on the living situation... what's unsuitable about your mums place? Could the dad (or your dad) help at all?

Original poster
chrissiepinklady · 21/01/2009 22:33

thanks for the advice been helpful. my ex's last girlfriend got her self pregnant hoping he would stay and now he doens't get to see his son much at all he already has 2 other kids aswell. its not the first time i've got pregnant on the pill and he knows this, it happend last year and i decided to terminate then which i know was the wrong decition so there no way on this earth i will terminate this time. at my mums i live in the consevotory so its frezzing in the winter and overly hot in the summer my dad only has a one bed flat which is pokey and hes a OAP

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Haribosmummy · 22/01/2009 09:35

Are you still with him? Is he likely to leave you when he realises you are PG? he sounds nice

anothermansmother · 22/01/2009 11:05

Go to the job centre and ask them for advice or to point you in the relevant direction, other than that the citizens advice will help. council will not rehouse you as you do not become a prority untill after 26 weeks...if i remember correctly from experience, althjough i dont know if that is just my area. it took me untill my DS was 13 months before i moved (smilar situation to yourself) and that was through a very undersatnding landlord by total fluke!
you seem to know how your XP will react so i would leave it untill you are ready to tell him and state to him what that you plan to keep the baby. good luck with it all!
ps which area are you in?

Original poster
chrissiepinklady · 23/01/2009 16:53

he is a decent bloke but were not together any more he still helps out when he can and i vise versa. im not compleatly sure how he will react he knew it was a possibility as he helped me throw the last time but that time he wasn't the dad and thank you all for your help, it helps being able to talk to other people alot.im in the west sussex area i dont mind staying at home but i dont want to be to dependable on my mother if that makes any sence at all. and i was working consistently till november so that shall be helpfull thank you all again

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tessofthedurbervilles · 24/01/2009 09:05

Hey I am 5 months and going it alone so I hope I can be of some help...
I told my exp straight away and I found that best as leaving it will make it worse. Tell him, be honest about how scared you are and allow him to have a negative reaction but accept that he has fears too and his initial reaction won't be forever. Be clear that you need his support, you aren't hoping for a reconciliation, but you have a common need to be adults for the sake of the baby.
It took my exp 5 months os crap behaviour for him to come round and now we are actually adults and civil!
On your situation well will you love and protect your baby? Thats all you need...people managed with nothing years ago and if all our parents had thought about money etc before having us I wouldn't be about for one!
There is a lone parent advisor at your local job centre. Go down there asap and get them on side...they will help you with housing etc.
The benefits and help offered by the government are excellent so don't panic. You can get a grant for £500 from the government to buy stuff so get on ebay when the time is right.
Once you see a midwife also tell them about things as they can refer you to someone who you can talk to, they wil also give you some extra support and mine puts mums to be in touch so its less lonely.
I hope some of this helps you but remember nobody will starve, you will manage and there are people to help you.

Original poster
chrissiepinklady · 28/01/2009 16:48

thank you ever so much it has really helped

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loooouise · 02/02/2009 23:20

Hi Chrissie, please try not to panic, I know exactly how you feel, I'm now 5 months pregnant and not with the father. He doesn't even live in the UK and said he didn't want to be involved at all when i first told him I was pregnant at 6 weeks. But when he actually saw me in the flesh with a bump at 15 weeks, he had a real change of heart. Two weeks ago I met his dad and we talked about how lovely it's going to be for him to have his first grandchild. You may not get the reaction you want right now from the dad, but that can all change overnight come autumn. You've got 7 1/2 months to see how it pans out. Concentrate on yourself and finding a job right now and CONGRATULATIONS by the way!

100yearsofsolitude · 02/02/2009 23:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
chrissiepinklady · 06/02/2009 10:55

Thank you all for your words of wisdom, im telling the dad next weekend as he's back from his training course then im not to worried any more, i know that im strong enough to do this. all i need to hope for is that i have a health baby

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Original poster
chrissiepinklady · 15/02/2009 19:31

i've told him at last a weight has been lifted off my shoulders i was compleatly shitting myself i had built myself up for the worst and it wasn't all that bad he took it better than i thought. im so relived

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littlemissflylady · 15/02/2009 20:06

im glad that he took it better than you assumed.
i hope all is still going well with you, keep us all posted!
xxx

Original poster
chrissiepinklady · 17/02/2009 22:43

whoop even better news i now have a job only part time for now as they are a new buisness but have been promised more hours as it picks up im so pleased im starting to see a light of hope

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poshsinglemum · 20/02/2009 20:52

Hi there.
I was in your situation and did pregnancy alone and it is tough but you can do it! You will get benefits if you are not working and believe me work will be far from your mind with your new baby. Enjoy your new baby and don't worry too much about work. You should be entitled to income support, child tax credit, housing benefits, healthy start vouchers and council tax benefits. Mabe ask at your job center or citizen's advice. As your baby gets older you can start to look for work or mabe work from home. Try to enjoy your pregnancy and your little one.

poshsinglemum · 20/02/2009 20:52

Hi there.
I was in your situation and did pregnancy alone and it is tough but you can do it! You will get benefits if you are not working and believe me work will be far from your mind with your new baby. Enjoy your new baby and don't worry too much about work. You should be entitled to income support, child tax credit, housing benefits, healthy start vouchers and council tax benefits. Mabe ask at your job center or citizen's advice. As your baby gets older you can start to look for work or mabe work from home. Try to enjoy your pregnancy and your little one.

Original poster
chrissiepinklady · 08/03/2009 22:59

had my scan on thursday it was so magical to hear that little heart beat going for it, i still well up in tears every time i look at the picture of my little one, im compleatly over the moon and the father is comming round he started talking names the other day so im still in shock

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zeeka · 09/03/2009 00:48

Hey,

Very pleased you are doing so well! If you can try to live somewhere near your mum, maybe she can help you. I am a single mum of twins and would advise anyone having their first baby to be near family for the first couple of months at least, if at all possible.

Glad the dad is being supportive!

Good luck!!

x

Original poster
chrissiepinklady · 12/04/2009 22:48

can't belive im 18 weeks already can't wait for the next scan 3 weeks to go till that

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