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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

ex partner says he has full rights 2 daughter wen he wont even b on birth cerf etc

21 replies

missxvamp · 17/01/2009 14:10

ok well im due my other daughter on beginning of march. my ex partner whom is bump daughters dad is tellin me he has fulll rights to see his child whenever he wants. yet i dont think he should have. he was aggresive to me when i was with him also he left me once i fell pregnant after having a miscarriage which he didnt care about. he has not botherd with me all the time i been pregnant he hasnt seen mee or attendd appointments with me. now he had a go at me recently and i told him to get lost and he said he had full rights to see his daughter every weekend if he wanted. well he is not even being put down on birth certificate because firstly he wont be here he lives about 2 hours away from me now anyway see he moved far away from me nice that eh. anyway yeah he not being on certificate or nothing why should he? so please someone tell me what rights does he actually have?

OP posts:

northwest1 · 17/01/2009 14:27

I think he does have a right to access, but it needs to be agreed between both of you.

mrsmortenharket · 17/01/2009 14:29

i'm not sure sweetheart, i think there is some issue that if he is on bc, then he has parental rights but am not sure to what extent. i am also not sure if he ahs any rights (as you suspect) if he isn't on bc. ohhhhhhh i do hope you can get more sense out of someone else sorry i'm not much help xxx

mrsmortenharket · 17/01/2009 14:31

can you see sol or citizen's advice to get advice with legal standpoint as well? xx

CaptainKarvol · 17/01/2009 14:39

If he's on the bc, he has joint parental responsibility with you. If not, then he doesn't. What I don't know is what his rights to be on the bc are.

N1 · 17/01/2009 17:10

The law changed in 2003. The old laws said that you needed to be married or get a court order for PR. The new law says that the father needs to be birth certificate to get parental responsibility.

If the ex wants to make an application into court to see the child(ren) then he needs to get PR or ask for permission to make the application.

Ideally, if you can get an agreement, there is no need for a court process.

PR link to carelaw

oldraver · 17/01/2009 18:02

He doesnt have any 'rights', if he is on the birth certificate (he would have to be with you to give his permission) then he would have joint parental responsibility. He can also gain PR through the courts. No one has 'rights' over a child just responsibilities toward it

If you were to deny him access, he could go to court to gain access, though would probably be advised to got to mediation first. Is there any chance of amicably arranging for him to have access once your child is born ? If you feel he will be aggressive toward you it can be supervised by a relative. You dont have to let him take you child away while it is so young.

If at all possible it would be better for a relationship to be built up, but it doesnt mean he can just turn up at anytime demanding his 'rights' to see your child. I would see a solicitor if its not possible to arrange something between the two of you

LadyLiffey · 17/01/2009 18:07

are you married? If not, don't name him on the birth cert.

If you don't name him on the birth cert he'll have to spend his own money going to court to prove paternity and obtain parental responsibility. If he threatens to do this, tell him, fine, at the same time you could sort out maintenance!

Talk to you HV about the abuse.

beanieb · 17/01/2009 18:10

"tell him, fine, at the same time you could sort out maintenance!" and what if he is perfectly happy to pay maintenance?

Surfermum · 17/01/2009 18:22

He's right in that he has as just as much "right" if you want to view it in those terms to see his daughter as you do. He is her other parent after all.

If you decide not to let him he can go to Court to get a court order, regardless of whether you decide to name him on the birth certificate or not.

My advice would be to avoid court at all costs. It's expensive, stressful, very drawn out and just awful for everyone involved. If you can come to some sort of agreement between you over contact without resorting to solicitors and courts then do it.

MollieO · 17/01/2009 18:50

If you aren't married then the only way his name can be on the birth certificate is if he attends the registry with you or is at the hospital when the registrar comes round (which they do in our local hospital). Otherwise like others have said he will have to apply to the court for an order of parental responsibility. As far as I understand without either being named on the bc or having a pr order he has no rights at all.

Original poster

missxvamp · 18/01/2009 00:14

hello thankyou all for your advice. he is just my ex boyfriend we lived together for a while but he left me once i fell pregnant a second time. he will not be on the bc because he wont be here to sign it as he cant make time for us. hence why i dont think he should have any rights. he cant demand them either. he has treated me and my other daughter like shit excuse the language. i dont trust him he lies he cheats and he drinks far to much i dont want him involved i guess im jus worried he could cause trouble. he is a nasty piece of work he recently got his ex wife whom is a very good friend of mine in trouble with social services shes a great mum he just mad because she stopped him seeing her kids because he was aggresive to them and also to her. he strangled her just like he did to me and he sexually assaulted her well its a form of harrasment when they touch you when its not consented. his ex didnt get him done though. buttt the social services have been told of his actions etc and he is actually not allowed near my frineds children anymore. surely this can all go against him. besides if he not on bc then he cant get any access as he is not legally wrote down as the father right?

OP posts:

FeminineWear · 18/01/2009 00:40

He has no rights but could get them. He could apply for PR but would have to prove paternity first with DNA testing. I think you may have a good case to deny him his PR, if it gets that far. If SS are involved and he isn't allowed to see his other children then there is a good start! I think you need to start gathering evidence against him, just in case.
If he does get PR and is granted access, fight for supervised access at a contact centre.
This sounds awful, good luck with it.
Hopefully he will lose interest....

Surfermum · 18/01/2009 11:52

He sounds awful and I can understand why you are concerned about contact.

But even if he isn't on the birth certificate he can still apply to the courts for a contact order and pr. So don't go thinking that leaving him off will make a difference.

My dh's didn't put him on his dd's birth certificate. It made no difference. He was able to apply for pr and was able to apply for a contact order and was granted both. Him not being on the birth certificate wasn't even raised throughout the whole proces. It makes not difference.

gillybean2 · 25/01/2009 22:09

He has no rights at all, he may have responsibilities as a parent, but that is NOT the same as rights. The only person with rights is the child. The child has a right to a relationship with both parents, neither parent has a right to a relationship with the child.

If (as you say) he can't be bothered to even attend the registry office to get his name on the certificate then I doubt you have to worry too much about him making the effort to go through the court process. And a 2 hour journey each way to spend maybe an hour with a newborn baby... You think he's going to keep that up for long?

He obviously thinks that saying all this rubbish will scare you. What he, and you, should be thinking about is what is best for the child.

I know you are upset at his rejection. But you have to separate your feelings about your relationship with him from that of him and his child. I understand you have other concerns, and all that should be taken into account in any decision. Make sure you have everything clear in your head and base your decisions on facts rather than feelings. That way should it go to court you will have much firmer ground to stand on. Hard as it is you have to let go of the relationship you had with him and your feelings on that and concentrate on working out what is best for your child. Whatever that may be.

If he really is interested in having a relationship with this child it will show in the effort he makes to be part of your child's life. If he is simply all talk and his demands to weekly contact are simply an effort to get his up and coming maintenance payments reduced then he won't stay the course.

Try not to worry. Concentrate on your baby and stay focused on what is best for the baby. Don't let him scare you and if he continues with this then suggest to him he gets his facts right and inform him he has no rights, only responsibilities as a parent.

best wishes
Gilly

onlywantsone · 26/01/2009 20:03

....haven't read all the replies but I am right in thinking that it is infact illegal to not put his name on the birth certificate if you know that he is the father.

(even though I do beleive that violent and abuses twunts shouldnt have any rights / influence / opinions when it comes to kids around)

giddykipper · 26/01/2009 20:06

If you are not married, he has to attend if he wants his name on the birth certificate. If you go to register on your own, you can't put his name down.

onlywantsone · 26/01/2009 20:08

giddykipper what about fathers that can not be present -- overseas due to army posting etc?

My BIL wasn't present to sign birth cert of my neice but is named on it.

edam · 26/01/2009 20:16

but your BIL is married. And the OP isn't.

cherrymonster · 26/01/2009 20:17

onlywantsone- i think the only time it can be illegal is if another man is named as the father on the bc even though both parties know he is not- fraud i think. it is perfectly legal for a father not to be named on the birth certificate at all for any reason.

StewieGriffinsMom · 26/01/2009 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mumoverseas · 27/01/2009 08:06

It is not illegal to not put the name of the father on the birth certificate.
As said above, if you are NOT married and the father wants to be on the birth certificate then he has to attend at the time of registration as an um-married mother cannot put the father on without him being there.

If he was on the birth certificate he would automatically have Parental Responsibility (defined as a bundle of rights/duties towards the child to include the right to be consulted with regards to decisions such as religion, education, medical treatment etc).

As others have correctly said, if he doesn't have PR he can apply to the Court to aquire it (and contact at the same time) and the Court will then consider all the facts before making such a decision. I've known judges to make an interim contact order (often supervised in first instance) but to adjourn the application for PR til a later date so that greater consideration can be given to it.

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