Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Flip

Original poster

How do I play this one?

11 replies

Niceguy2 · 15/01/2009 15:15

Hi all

I've met another single parent like me thru a dating site. We're going to meet each other this weekend for lunch. Unfortunately since she doesn't have a babysitter so is more than likely going to bring her toddler with her.

Its all casual so I don't want to make it into a big pressure "date" thing. I want it to be relaxed and informal. Just a couple of friends meeting up for a drink kind of thing if you see what I mean.

Being a single parent myself I totally understand her need to bring her daughter with her.

My question really is how much attention is appropriate to pay her daughter? I don't want to weird her out by paying too much attention to her and coming across like a perv but at the same time I don't want to ignore her and make my date feel like I don't accept her child.

Thoughts on the back of a postcard please.....

OP posts:

aseriouslyblondemoment · 15/01/2009 16:32

you're a dad too
just be yourself!!

Original poster

Niceguy2 · 15/01/2009 19:29

LOL, thanks ASBM. Look at how well being myself has been so far! Single with 2 kids!

OP posts:

BlueSapphire77 · 15/01/2009 19:42

Any point in taking yours?

If it helps she probably thinks you're too good to be true lol

curlygal · 15/01/2009 19:44

I would treat her daughter like you would treat one of your friend's children.

Chatting and paying attention to the toddler but not to the exclusion of your hot date!

aseriouslyblondemoment · 15/01/2009 20:03

behave!!

MUMDONEGOOD · 15/01/2009 21:02

I agree with cg. Treat her like you would treat one of your friends daughters. Too much attention to her daughter and she may think you are trying too hard. You don't want to over do it. Good on you for finding someone. Let us know how it goes.

lessonlearned · 15/01/2009 23:48

She will probs be wondering how her toddler is going to treat you! I think so long as you remember you are meeting her and toddler is added distraction bonus in breaking the ice, you should be fine.

northwest1 · 17/01/2009 01:28

And now, for a completely different point of view! I hope you don't mind.

For a first date, does she really have no friends/no money/no sitter? If she is bringing her daughter along out of choice then why? What does she think her daughter is going to make of it? Have an answer ready in case her daughter asks you "are you my new daddy?" and ask yourself if you're comfortable with this. Remember, it's a first date. I think children need stability to thrive, and taking them on first dates is not right. Also why would she think you want to date her with her daughter there? Is she not bothered about how you might feel?

For me, it would send alarm bells ringing. I would worry that she can't prioritize her daughter's needs, and I would also worry about her feelings for you in any future relationship.

On the other hand, maybe I've over analyzed it and she's a wonderful gregarious type. Maybe she can't afford a baby sitter and doesn't want to impose on her numerous friends and she really likes you so doesn't want to miss this fantastic opportunity. I think you should go and find out!

northwest1 · 17/01/2009 02:24

Sorry didn't spot her daughter's a toddler. I'm posting rubbish. Way past my bedtime!

SuperBunny · 17/01/2009 02:47

Do people really take their kids on dates? If I couldn't get a sitter for DS, I'd cancel but I'd never take him on a date with me.

SuperBunny · 17/01/2009 02:51

I realise some people have little choice, I just can't imagine having DS with me. Didn't mean to sound judgy.

Flip