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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

DS father not sticking to court contact order

15 replies

FrostyTheSnowgirl · 15/01/2009 11:04

To cut a long story short my exp has ds over 2 weeks

Wednesday 1pm - 6.30pm
Saturday 4.30pm - Sunday 10am
Wednesday 1pm - 6.30pm
Sunday 9am - 6pm

This was decided by the court and also that he would get extra in holiday time ie christmas and new year etc.

This has gone well up until the last 3 months or so he's been picking ds up on the saturdays and dropping him at his parents whilst he's gone out drinking. I know this for a fact because I've seen him for myself and people I'm close to have seen him.

I also offered him extra time at xmas - overnight boxing day and new years day which he took but then refused to have him on his usual set days, on one occasion just not turning up for him without saying anything. In the courts eyes, this contact was meant in addition, not instead of his usual time with ds.

Last weekend he text me at 3am in the morning saying his sister would be picking ds up because he had been stabbed (!) and at 7am he told me that was only a joke. I didnt see the funny side surprisingly.

The weekend coming, i've been told by one of his friends girlfriends that they are going away for said friends birthday for the night so yet again he isnt spending time with ds (he was the one who took me to court for overnight access). I said something about this and he just went mad and said I was jealous that they were all going out to which I replied that it was merely our ds that I was concerned with.

It just makes me so angry, he takes no responsiblity for anything

OP posts:

Original poster

FrostyTheSnowgirl · 15/01/2009 11:06

Might I just add, I have a good relationship with his parents and have no problem with him spending time with them, just not all the time his father is meant to have him

OP posts:

dsrplus8 · 15/01/2009 11:07

hes a sh*t! take it ack to court and get the order revoked. he might have to pay you more maintenence then .

VinegarTits · 15/01/2009 11:13

He sounds like a prick

I dont think you can stop him from going out and leaving ds with his parents when it is his time with ds, all you can do is stick your arrangments made by the court, if he doesnt stick to his then it is his loss, you cant make him see your ds

Keep a record of the times he misses his contact arrangements in case you have to go back to court

BigGitDad · 15/01/2009 11:14

I'm no expert in these things but I guess you need to keep a log of all this and keep the texts.
Strange how pwople fight for access then when they get it they do not want it. Must be pride or something stupid like that really.
Good luck anyway

Original poster

FrostyTheSnowgirl · 15/01/2009 11:16

Thats what I was thinking.My ds was very weepy going to exps last weekend, turns out that his parents were on holiday which speaks volumes to me. thats why his sister was coming.

He's a pathetic person and I have to keep reminding myself that its him losing out on having a good relationship with his son

OP posts:

aseriouslyblondemoment · 15/01/2009 11:20

this sounds awful and horribly familiar
i can't believe that hes ignoring something which has been decided by the court
i guess that you're given no option but to go back to your solicitor to take further action against him
which isn't what you really need right now
i took a flexible reasonable approach with my ex regarding contact with the dcs due to the nature of his work
i now wonder if i was too reasonable
he now seems to see himself as a babysitter and not a father
he obviously struggles to cope with them
thou it's of little comfort right now especially when our respective children are missing out from benefitting from both parents
but really all both our exes are doing is further alienating themselves from their dcs
which is really upsetting as they are all so young
i just wonder how all our dcs will view this as they grow older

linsaydoubtfire · 15/01/2009 16:51

Sorry !!!to have to say that im glad it,s not just me i really thought my x was the only deadbeat father who ignored our crt order.Went to family crt over 7yrs with this control freak demanding this that and the next.When sorted ignored it right away,have been back to lawyers so many times,talked to police a total waste of time,£11,000 8yrs later kids are now seeing for themselves that their dads head is so far up his own arse he thinks the world is in permanant darkness.When i eventually got divorced he got a tattoo saying "ALWAYS IN FRONT NEVER BEHIND" AND ON OTHER ARM ROBERT THE BRUCE KING OF SCOTS.I rest my case,i think i have to except some men just dont cut it.

northwest1 · 17/01/2009 01:56

I've been through this. Children have a right to see grandparents but not the other way around. Courts are expensive. One way to reduce access is to breach the order and see if he tries to enforce. You must keep a meticulous diary though, and talk to your solicitor first.

However, notwithstanding your ex being an arse, if your son enjoys a good relationship with his grandparents, and sees his dad occasionally then perhaps the status quo is ok?

N1 · 17/01/2009 03:00

Perhaps if I explain a bit about Court Orders, it might help.

Look very carefully at the court order. The wording should read, that you have to make the child available... there is nothing on the court order that says that the child has to see his father and nothing on the court order that says that the father has to see the child.

It is very arguable that the child gets messed up in this process, but the laws in the UK mess families up.

If you want to be doing anything clever, then keep a detailed diary of everything possible. Phone calls, texts, messages, contacts, things that the child tells you...etc.

One of the people replied by suggesting that you make an application to court to revoke the contact order. you can make that application and you do have grounds, but in my opinion, it's not a good idea and if the application causes problems while the matter is in court, you are so going to regret even thinking about making the application.

Instead of looking for ways to make the ex see the child, rather look for ways to help the child deal with the fathers actions. You can do nothing with the father, he is old enough to know better and has enough strength in him having Parental responsibility to make your and the child's life rather difficult. Leave the things you can't change and deal with the things you can address.

I am going to take a guess and think that you kicked the bloke out or you left him. I would also think that the separation wasn't agreed by both of you. If I am right, then anything you say is more likely to be met with arogence and hostility. The more you suggest, the worse it gets/feels. The "digging a hole" theory applies

Original poster

FrostyTheSnowgirl · 18/01/2009 16:41

Im more worried when I think back to what my solicitor told me on my first ever visit to see her. That if I willingly let his parents have ds, knowing that he isn't present then they can build a case against me to gain access to him regardless of whether or not ds's father is involved.

I knew from the beginning that it was pil taking me to court not him, he was just the monkey and they were the organ grinders so to speak

OP posts:

N1 · 19/01/2009 00:05

The grandparents have no parental responsibility. If the child has a good time with the people, harness the advantage instead of fighting against it. The number of upset grandparents are very many, largely due to one parent preventing the grand parents from knowing their grand child(ren).

You said in a past reply that your relationship with the grandparents was good.

user1496689709 · 06/06/2017 08:38

Hello to you all, please can anyone help me as I feel so ill and am crying my way through each and every day, I have come out if a emotional controlling relationship and still trying to find myself, I have a 6 year old daughter with that partner I have parted from him, I have been with my 6 year old daughter since birth and have never left her side only for school, my x partner has been saying since birth he is going to take her to Canada, Germany all of these places and it has stuck in my head so I have never let her out of my sight and I have never let him take her anywhere without me, I think I stayed in the relationship through fear but now we have parted he has threatened to do me damage and take me to court for access , I know if he is granted access that is it she will be gone, maybe not out of the country I don't know but he will defenatly take her, I went to seek advice from the solicitors who basically said it was £215 for a court order, £90 for a hours advice and the rest I can't afford this at all, all I need is for my daughter to be safe but with no legal aid I have no chance, he has a lot of money so he can afford to take me to court with the best solicitors I am totally inconsolable every single day and just can't see tomorrow because the pain of what is coming I can't cope with. I have never been in a court in my life, and have no friends to talk to that won't gossip , I am totally broken xxxx

glenthebattleostrich · 06/06/2017 08:50

User, you need to start your own thread. You will get good advice.

Ravingangel · 23/05/2018 06:29

I have been split from my ex partner now for over 10 years but for all this time things have been pretty amicable and we have always co parented. But....... August last year my ex got with a new partner and things changed 😫 (I’ve never had an issue with my ex’s partners, I was good friends with his ex gf before you think this is a jealously thing)

My son stopped wanting to go and after months of what I can only discribe as hell my ex issued me with a court application. I’ve never stopped access and when I would ask my ex to sit and talk about stuff he refused. Anyway, we went to court and I agreed to everything he requested and even offered more (I think it’s important my son gets to see us equally). It’s now been 4 weeks and I feel the Order is working well, however, the ex has now blocked me as ‘he won he has no need for contact’ or so he thinks.

The part of the court order I added additionally was that I would give him 1st refusal of having our son an additional night if I have to go away with work (this us written in the court order) and also as he is a school teacher we split holidays 50/50 and the court order states he picks him up from my house on a Wednesday at 12pm.
Next week I’m going away with work on Tuesday night so I need to offer him that additional night and if he refuses to take it he will have to be collected from my mums but I have no way of telling him this.

I’m now worried sick that if he doesn’t get the messages (as he blocked me) and he turns up here to get my son at 12 and he’s not here he will report me for breach of court order.

Please help and advise what my best option is?

I’m very reluctant to go above and beyond to contact a man who is trying to make my life hell x

cookiesfortheunicorn · 23/05/2018 10:23

Get your mum to text him or a friend who's number won't be blocked.

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