Access issue - has anyone not complied - what are the consequences?

[MeAndMyGirl]

Hi - advice needed. My horrible nasty ex-p has full legal aid so has been able to drag me through the family courts regarding access to dd. We agreed access via lawyers after split but he was so unreliable I stopped it as I did not see benefit to dd. No news for 6 months on access and then decides to take us to family court - his legal fees now are about £8,000 but he is getting full legal aid even though working full-time as assistant accountant! Have contacted legal aid about this as seems bizarre.

Just had letter through today from contact centre to organise initial meeting and really stopped me in my tracks. I have talked to my lawyer before about this - but have made decision not going to attend contact centre - will make excuses etc.

I have had enough. I left relationship because of mental, emotional and physical abuse and sometimes apart from the physical abuseit feels like it is continuing - and because the government are funding him to do so.

Feel half angry, half giving up. Has anyone not complied with access and were there any consequences?

Thanks

sorry forgot to say that I had made a real effort for him to have relationship with dd when split up - but he did not care - was unreliable, returned her soaked in her own urine, turned up stinking of stale alcohol - all of this noted by the court by the way!

why will the court make me look like I am breaking the law when only trying to protect my dd from a father who sadly does not care for her - only concerned with making my life still manipulated by him

that is a truly shocking story
i can only really talk of legal aid as such
it is a very grey area which doesn't make much sense to me
did you own property together or have been seen to have somehow financially gained over ex?
by this i mean keeping the house/or having the larger share after sale?
regarding the other issues with access and abuse i'm hoping that others will chip in to help here
or maybe post on legal

house is in both our names but he has not contributed a penny to mortgage, bills etc since exclusion order got him out of house - he would not leave so dd and I had to stay with parents for 6 weeks for court orders and interdicts to be served.

we are back in house but he does not contribute financially. does pay maintenance for dd but think that is part of strategy as if he was not paying maintenance, court would take that into account.

sometimes and this sounds childish, life really is unfair and the nasty horrible people always seem to win

that all sounds really crap and unfair
and sometimes it does make you wonder about so called justice
but a rant about that isn't going to help you with this immediate problem
what do you intend to do with the house
as if you are looking to sell can offer more advice in respect of what happened/will happen to me
can anyone else come and offer some help here please?

yep - i know the feeling.

my ex also had the support of legal aid which she knew she'd never have to repay when she took me to court. i had no choice but to defend myself and it cost thousands - which i'm still paying back.

as far as denying access goes, him being unreliable isnt cause enough without some kind of professional backing. mine was the same - sometimes didnt get in touch for months - but i always had to have them available in case she turned up. that still hasnt changed.

if youre confident that your legal advisor is a good one then follow their advice - it'll cost you enough, you may as well take it. wouldnt expect theyll say stop access tho without backing.

Mumoverseas is the one to advise. Yes, post this in legal and she'll see it at some stage.

How old is your DD by the way?

singledad how come?
mine didn't have to go to court
i was reasonable in every way
i have a charge hanging over me when the house is finally sold

Hi. Thanks for all the support. Have spoken with lawyer and although she cannot say, she supports my decision. We are pretending to comply at moment - ie have requested he attends contact centre first for meeting to prove reliability rather than dd and i. He never even sent her a Christmas card; and he was really violent in front of her throughout our relationship. However because he was not violent towards her he is being allowed a final chance.....
Lawyer also said that Judge will probably shout at me a lot in court but unlikely to be sent to jail.
I want to be strong and not let him manipulate and bully me; but it is so hard and so draining.
However I know I am not the only person this is happening to which is so sad....
My DD is three and I feel so guilty that I did not have the courage to leave him sooner - and I never ever want her to be in a situation where her confidence and love of life is taken away.
Will let you know how I get on

good luck.. be strong xxxx

Is there any chance contact could be supervised at the contact centre?

And that you could get someone else to take her - maybe if he sees he's not able to 'get' at you he will back off and not turn up regularly.