OMG!!!! just ahd the weirdest most bizzare and hideous experience of my life today

[Leslaki]

Had a hideous year last year - exh left me on mothers day for his OW who has turned ot to be a psycho - to the point that she now has a harassment order against her for constantly texting/writing letters to/emailing me etc etc. She is a nutcase - ex mil has even admitted she is unstable.

Anyway diviorce is very acrimonious and we were in court yesterday fighting costs which was vile.

Ex not allowed unsupervised contact since Nov as he has been allowing my dcs (5 and 6 yo) to sit on OW's knee with no seat belt etc etc while driving the car across town on several occasions - letting DS steer the car through town on Sat afternoons, making kids play a game of trying to catch each other's heads in the electric windows and telling them to hang their heads outof the windows while he is driving fast on M1 so they can 'see the wheels go round' - etc etc. he ahs been offered contact with his fmaily acting as supervison which he has refused and abused me for. we are waiting for a contact centre.

Anyway - sorry!!!!- kids wanted a few of the 1,000 Xmas presents he got them and a huge fuss happened with DS being the sensible one when dealing with them. So... I took kids round to their house to collect some of the toys they wanted. Let kids go to the door. OW yanked kids in and slammed door shut. 10 mins later they came out. I said to xh they kids could stay for 30 mins and I would wait in car and read a paper. (I want kids to see their dad). Anyway kids started crying and asking me to come in - I said no - go and spend time wirth daddy, but they clung to me and were crying. Ex said not a problem, come in. So... for my kids I had to. HIDEOUS HIDEOUS . OW is a nutter. Ex and I sat on floor (of 'kids' bedrom) and played with kids. She stood at door and made comments - I only spoke to her when I HAD to - couldn't be openly rude as I'm too soft!!!! kids don't like her (she has done the old 'I'm your mummy now.' 'You are my children now' routine.
Scuse me...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

An yway - am I an idiot or was I right putting dcs first or have I screwed them up?
God, after yesterday I really didn't need this!

I think under very difficult circumstances you did the right thing.

Thank you car girl!! laptop crashed on me about 30 mins ago and I felt so alone but I'm so totally drained by all of this. Ended up having to represent myself in court yesterday which I didn't expect (he hit me with a letter IN court - was meant to be with me before Xmas) but came back oK - judge caught him out for lying in court. This is such a nightmare but hopefully it will soon be over.

You tried to do the right thing I am sure, you haven't screwed them up. Its going to be very difficult, but putting the children first is going to have to mean avoiding them having contact with her, I don't know how you will manage to still allow him to see them but I think some sort of supervised visits has got to be the way forward. If his mum is willing could that be done through her?

Oh Leslaki, you poor thing. What a difficult situation. I haven't got any useful advice, but just wanted to send sympathies.

so sorry to read this leslaki
have been following your other thread as you know
what a fcuk nightmare for you
makes me wonder why i ever grumble
please feel free to rant
will always listen
am absolutely amazed by your ability to ride this tbh
xx

Well that sounds frightful but I think you did the right thing. It's terrible really that they wanted you in there though isn't it - they obviously don't feel secure with just him. Anyway - at least you managed to give them some time with their dad.

Thanks everyone. I have tried goign down the supervised route with his family - his brother and SIl and then his parents but we have all been told to F off (BIL had to physically throw OW out his house as she was ranting at them so much she woke up his kids) and I recieved non stop text abuse to the point I had to go and get a new phone so I could switch off the one he has access to. I just can't believe I had to sit there (in my coat!!! On the floor!) for an hor pretending to be absorbed in ben 10 and HSM!! please tell me it gets better!

Put it this way it will have to get better, neither you or the kids should have to put up with this.

ExH will have to be told he sees his kids without her or not at all end of, surely the fact there is a harassment order against her must tell him something.

What was his reaction or opinion on her standing at the door?

Is it possible to catch him alone to have a talk and state how it has to be?

of fffs
dont know what to say
would just give you big hug if i could
xx asbm

he thinks she is perfect - apparently I have :

colluded with the police to get garassment order ( I ahve a friend who is a p/t police officer so obvioulsy I got her to risk her job to piss him off!)

colluded with the building society to get them to send out letters to say he wasn't payign mortgage and info about reposessions just to make him look bad!! (he didn't pay mortgage for 6 months although he has been told to pay that in lieue of maintenance).
I have teried to get him to mediation (NO!) and we have talked 1-1 and agreed rtheings but he has gone back to he and she has said no so he has come round ranting!

Anyway!!!! We gpt through it...

ASBM - you have been fab!!!! thank you!!

keep repeating it will soon be over, it will soon be over...

Leslaki- I think you should be proud of yourself. It is a horrible situation to be in and I think you acted in the best possible and most dignified way.

Leslaki all i can say is be strong
im so amazed at how you keep it together you are truly remarkable
and as i said am always here
please feel free to rant
can't offer solutions as such but will always listen
you are an amazing woman and you will get thru
xx

asbm - {hug} = thanks mate!!!

you're welcome darling
always here
xx

Lesaki, I was following your other thread too and was wondering how you got on. Omigod. What a nightmare. I didn't know the background and didn't realise what was going on. Sorry if I misled you about it being nothing to worry about. He sounds just as bad as that thing I was married to my exh.

Springing stuff on you like that is sooo bad and we should have seen it coming. But now we know what he's up to and the levels he will stoop to (just like mine did), you can prepare yourself better in future. Mine was a demon incarnate. I briefly said about him pretending to be having a baby and everything. As you hadn't had the correspondence you could have called the whole thing off there and then I think???

I've had a couple of vinos so won't continue in case i ramble I've missed something but you have my every sympathy and empathy and a big warm hug.

You were very tolerant doing that with the dc's and their presents. You won't have to do it again. Sounds like you are a lovely person and as long as you keep in control you'll be proud of yourself. Don't let it get to you. Deep breaths.

leslaki, I had no idea you were having such a hard time while i was wittering on about flippin campsites! So sorry, you do sound amazingly strong and I too would give you a hug if that was allowed here lol.

How come my hyphens didn't work?

And another hug Lesaki. xx

Chippy - Rambling about camp sites keeps me sane!! You've helped me loads! Got something to look forward to in the summer when I'm free!!!

Monty - yeah, I'm beginning to realise how ow he is. Never mind - I'll come out fighting!! got my kids to fight for at the end of the day and they are FAR more important then his psycho OW having wads of cash to spend! Now can understand the attraction of voodoo dolls!!!
Keep focusingc on the fact that the judge saw through his lies so everything crossed for the main show in Feb!!!
Thanks everyone - your support is invaluable!