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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Maintenence. XP seems to think he doesn't have to pay any!

25 replies

Tortoise · 09/01/2009 21:23

Xp1 has DS1 and DS2 on a tuesday at 5pm until Wednesday morn when he drops off at school then Friday 5pm until 5pm Saturday.
Courts gave us joint residency but the DS's were to live with me for most of the week. The hours XP has them was decided by the court.

He seems to think because he has 'all' this time with DS's at his (his mums! He lives at home!)Then he doesn't have to pay anything.

All i have asked for is £20, because that is all i can keep of it anyway, and i would prefer him to have money to do things with the boys(not that he ever does) rather than paying me more and not being any better off.

He has even phoned his solicitor to ask his opinion!

Should i give up doing it the nice way and just go through the CSA(or whoever it is now)? Or is he right, because he has them 2 nights a week, he doesn't have to pay?

OP posts:

ChasingSquirrels · 09/01/2009 21:36

csa would reduce by 2/7th's, not to nil ffs!

AnarchyAunt · 09/01/2009 21:39

He is talking shit.

He should still be paying a proportion.

I'd tell him, £20 by mutual agreement or CSA and he pays more but you still only get £20.

evaangel · 09/01/2009 21:39

a % would be deducted

aseriouslyblondemoment · 09/01/2009 21:47

i think £20 is far too low a sum personally
but then i dont know either of your circumstances
think he needs to take a reality check frankly

Original poster

Tortoise · 09/01/2009 21:54

Thanks.
Thats what i thought!

aseriouslyblondemoment Yes it is too low but better than having him moan to DS's he has no money left! Although he does say that to them sometimes already but at least can't blame me! I am single Mum of 4 currently on benefits. He works, i think full time since court ended.

He has just spent 2 grand on a new car! (probably got a loan though)And lives at home with his mother who does all the disapline, cooking etc for the boys while he lets them on PS2/PC most of the day!

OP posts:

aseriouslyblondemoment · 09/01/2009 22:04

have you taken advice
if not with your solicitor then with CAB
im sure that even csa will find that sum far too low
the car if its on loan is irrelevent
his priority is to provide for his boys

Original poster

Tortoise · 09/01/2009 22:30

No i haven't taken any advice.
Thought i would ask on here first.
Been over a year since i spoke to solicitor so i wouldn't even think to contact him. CAB is a good idea though.

OP posts:

aseriouslyblondemoment · 09/01/2009 22:49

have you looked at any lone parent websites?
thou he deserves it i imagine that keeping solicitors out of it might be wise for obvious reasons
i've no dealings with the csa but they are rather demonised
we took the mediation route to work out finances will try to remember the csa money aspect if i can as mediator did mention this as a guideline
is it worth putting out a new re-worded post to see if you can drum up more suggestions
wish i could be more helpful
xx

Original poster

Tortoise · 09/01/2009 23:02

Thank you for trying to help .
I am going to tell him to look on the CSA website i think.
It has a form you can fill in and then it tells you haw much you have to pay. Maybe that will show him that my £20 request is fair.(As an example for me to test it i put he earns £200 a wk, maintenance would be £29)

OP posts:

Mutt · 09/01/2009 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aseriouslyblondemoment · 09/01/2009 23:09

i think that you are being more than decent tbh
but do try to explore as much as you can online
knowledge is power and all that
keep us updated

Original poster

Tortoise · 09/01/2009 23:13

Thanks mutt. Will have a look at those links.

Thanks aseriouslyblondemoment. It has been months since i first asked him about paying so i think it is about time i took action! He has had over a year of not paying.

OP posts:

aseriouslyblondemoment · 09/01/2009 23:27

then think he better start coughing up
and Mutt thanks for helping out with that advice

Mewith3littleones · 10/01/2009 21:41

Tortoise. I would tell your ex to go back to his solicitor. His solicitor should have told him he would have to pay some maintenance but it would not be the full amount.

I have just go through all this with my ex.

1 7th is taken off for up to 103 nights a year, 104- would be 2 7ths which would be for him having them 2 nights a week (2 x 52= 104) BUT if he has missed any nights in the year then it would take him under the 104-155 point so he would only have 1 7th taken off. Even if only 1 night is missed.

You need to keep notes on the nights they stay with him. Mark nights off on a calender or something.

Also tell the CSA that he lives with his mum and does not have the normal household bills to pay. They will then look into this. My ex lives with his mum (A true mummy`s boy!!)His dad in his 80s so they also get a lot of benefit extras.

My ex told the DC he has no money. Which is most likely true. It is not because he pays bills though, it is wasted in the pub 7 nights a week and eating late-night takeaways all the time.

Is the 2 nights a week thing just so he thinks he does not have to pay the CSA. As he seems to think he does not have to pay because he has them for 2 nights. (I think this was the case a couple of years ago)

My ex`s 2 night were. Since the CSA told him to pay with only 7th knock off, he has dropped the school night he had them. Well his mummy had them, as soon as they were in bed he would be in the pub. He missed a few 2 night weeks as only had the one night at the weekend(so called working and 2 weeks holiday. I always knew the school night was just for the CSA but he has proved it now with dropping the school night. He would not keep up with 2 nights every week because he has to go on holiday for 2 weeks with his mates. So much for wanting to have his kids with him

glitterfairy · 10/01/2009 23:05

They are asses!

My x has just paid up after I complained to the CSA via my MP and the shadow secretary of state. That is after 3 years of chasing.

It is completely unacceptable for someone to get away with this and the chasing is just as exhausting as everything else.

Tort your x has always been badly behaved though from what I remember?

HappyMummyOfOne · 11/01/2009 17:27

I thought the CSA were automatically involved if the PWC claimed benefits? I dont think you can accept a lower amount as the government recoup as much as possible bar towards the benefits they are having to pay out.

PersephoneSnape · 11/01/2009 18:33

no, that stopped in october - PWC claiming benefgits do not have to go via CSA anymore. - you can accept £20 just now, but the govt is going to phase out taking maintennace against income support/jobseekers (next year i think)

Original poster

Tortoise · 11/01/2009 21:14

Mewith3littleones I have told him to check the info on the CAB website. Told him he has 2 choices, pay me £20 a wk or pay more via CSA! He didn't look too impressed.He has the nights he has because that is what was agreed in court. I do think the after school one won't last much longer as the boys get older it gets more difficult. I know he used to go to the pub every night but as far as i know he doesn't on the night the boys are there but DS's tell me he has a can of beer! They came home hungry as normal this week so i had to give them something to eat.

GF Glad to hear your XP is paying up at last. How are things going for you? XP is lazy and can't be bothered to do much with the boys. Makes promises to take them places then doesn't keep the promise. They know what he is like though and DS2 has had times where he wouldn't go. Prefered to stay with me.

OP posts:

Original poster

Tortoise · 14/01/2009 21:27

Update.

He has decided to agree to pay £20 a week starting friday but he said he has to get a duplicate book first so he can prove he has made payments! PMSL! Result i think!

OP posts:

aseriouslyblondemoment · 14/01/2009 21:33

well done you
so glad to hear!!

Original poster

Tortoise · 14/01/2009 21:47

Thanks.

OP posts:

aseriouslyblondemoment · 14/01/2009 21:51

so i guess its 1-0
to Tortoise then!!
do you think this is the end of all your hassle with him?
do hope so

Original poster

Tortoise · 14/01/2009 21:54

I doubt it! I expect he will try and forget to pay in a month or so.

OP posts:

aseriouslyblondemoment · 14/01/2009 22:08

no he will have to
he knows the score(unintentional pun!)
he'd be foolish to do otherwise

singledadofthree · 14/01/2009 22:14

my ex has never paid any maintenance and doesnt contribute in any way - tho ive never asked. i did once apply to the csa - just for the hell of it - and was told i didnt qualify for a penny.

must be the being a bloke, working full time with three kids and a mortgage that confused them

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