MY CHILDRENS CONTACT WITH MY EX AND HIS FAMILY

[HOLLY2310]

Hi, I was after some advice concerning my children. I am going through a divorce at the moment, however I have two children aged 11 and 5. My children see their dad every fortnight and I dont have a problem with this, however his mum and brother are a pain and my soon to be ex-husband makes a point of taking the kids round to his mum's house. My daughter has overheard them making nasty remarks and she gets upset by this, at the moment she is 11 and wants to see her dad and feels she has no choice but to see his mum plus they use emotional blackmail to make her feel guilty - its how his family seem to operate and they really never think about the effect this has on the children! Whilst I feel its necessary for children to see their father and through my solicitor contact has been arranged for one weekend every two weeks, however when can the children decide if they want to see him less? and what can I do to stop his family from winding them up and playing mind games with them?

Can you have a frank discussion with your ex- about the damage his family are doing?

It is his job to protect your DC and if he won't/can't, then, you could try equipping your DD with the skills to deal with this unpleasantness. Point out that people say horrible things and work out together the best way to deal with it - i.e. you could tell her that you don't care what his family say because it is not true and that this reaction means that whatever they say, it simply doesn't matter because it has no impact.

There is a brilliant scene in the Simpsons - the very first episode, I think it is "Simpsons roasting over an open fire" - when Marge's sisters are slagging Homer off and Lisa points out what this does to her. Maybe watch it together because it isn't that uncommon for the outlaws to be horrid.

Small comfort, I know, but unless your ex- sees sense - there is very little you can do. Saying all that, does your DD not want to see her Grandparents? Because if that is the case, talk to your ex- and then, your solicitor if necessary.

Is there a reason that the Dad chooses to go to his mum? Things might not be ideal there, but lets say that the dad was going to his new girlfriends house (soon after the break up) would this be more distressing or less for the children and how would you feel about that arrangement?

I don't want to make out that the children might be wrong, could the children perceive a nasty comment when the comment might be misunderstood?

Could the children perhaps ask the dad's mother to read to them or draw with them, that way the Granny is busy with the children and not slagging someone off.

Frank discussion and if necessary a lawyer's letter to keep them on their toes, citing the damage it does to your dc. Will also come in handy should there ever be a need to curb contact.

sadly thou i hate to say it alot of stuff is also misconstrued by children
there's also a fair bit of children trying to play one parent off against the other
that's been my experience anyway
mine fortunately don't see my exh family often but i know that I would be slated by them