Long distance relationships and kids!

[ivechangedagain]

Soooo have started one it looks like - he is lovely understanding no pressure!
I have 2DC and the ex from hell - so ladies that have done the LDR thing before - what happens when he comes to see you, where does he stay, does he see the DC, at what stage did you introduce him to the DC, at whats stage did he stay with you ???
He is happy to stay in a hotel for now but it is a juggle with the DC though he is not complaining at all and seems happy to wait till I am ...just thinking ahead IYSWIM!

oh you so falling lol
that sounds so lovely
enjoy
so nice to hear and you deserve nice things to happen to you(as my BF says!!)
keep me posted need some support
friends very negative want be to end it!!

In my limited experiences, I once met a man who lived 125 miles away but Ds was with me when we met. I think he was about 3 at the time. The LDR didn't last long and Ds was really hurt by that as he really really got on with and liked him.
Slow is best IME, take time and always think how the c's might react in different scenarios.
Good luck!

*Dc's

anda
sorry to hear that it didnt work out
LDR or not some thought has to be put into it before the dcs are introduced

Good morning, just to say he was very upset and we had a long chat last night and he wants me back again. Don't know if it's a real backward step - if I did it would have to be slow slow slow and me not travelling to his so much. But as he hasn't got any money, meeting half-way and staying in hotels is a no-no unless I pay and cost of petrol coming to mine.

He has no back-bone with his son either; the boy is smoking dope at home and he can't/won't stop him. He has such guilt issues about the break-up of his family that he can't take control. Do feel I'm better off out, but miss the sex and cuddling.....
When are you going to talk to him? And meant to ask, how often do you see him?

Hi Mocca!!
what are you going to do now?
you sound as though you have mixed feelings about him
and i wouldn't be too happy about the lack of discipline with the son either it doesn't exactly bode well
i will talk to him when i next see him whenever that will be
have only seen him once this month as he works a shift pattern and obviously during time off goes to see his dcs as well
god wish i'd made more of a go of things with the local/no kids/works regular hours man!!

Well, I'm debating whether it can work if we really really cool things off, so no talk of marriage, just try to enjoy eachother's company and I def won't be doing so much travelling - it was exhausting me. He can come and visit me more often if he wants.

But he has no money and to be honest, I'm just enjoying being away from the pressure of it all - wondering if he's going to call, the long miles in the car (the worst time was coming back really early on Monday morning and being a zombie at work) and having to put up with his mess and falling asleep on the sofa. It would be easier if he was solvent - we could just meet up in lovely hotels and go places. An LDR with a pauper is very problematic! Let us know how you get on with your chat.

morning!!
well you sound still very mixed up
what has he said about the future?
i still havent heard from mine but need serious talk
its so frustrating that he thinks everything is just fine
i too am finding its taking up too much of my mental/emotional energy and am contemplating walking away from it all
ironically i was inadvertently blocked on his phone recently and he got worried and upset so i do know that he cares
LDR def need a bit more work IMO but he needs to realise that

am outing myself cant be arsed to change back and forwards (am changedagain)
well so far so good on mine he is on his way home (his not mine) and will be with me next week he is luckily solvent and child free and more than happy to make the effort - so am leaving it up to him for now

Thanks great macdoodle - you have less issues than me and leaving it up to him is a great idea. Hope you enjoy it! How often does yours contact you asbm - can you not call him?

macdoodle pleased all going well
how long you been seeing him/how far away is he etc?
is he another internet man?
mocca it varies can be alot or not much
it depends on whats happening with his work/life etc
i dont want to call him as this needs to be said in person

How do you cope with the variances in contact? I used to get all het up if we didn't talk or text every day but now realise that was my own insecurity. Reckon you have to be emotionally very strong in an LDR, it won't survive clinginess. Have you arranged when to see him next?

exactly
thats what i'm finding hard
i don't think that it's insecurity on my part
or yours tbh
as probably like me you get annoyed with being bombarded with texts/calls all day
my own thing is fearing that something might have happened to him and i would never know
i do know he cares but hes been on his own for such a long time that i think he is just plain clueless!!
i am def not clingy thou but thats down to the post divorce me
am not sure when i'm next seeing him

Funnily we had that exact conversation last night after his accident at work - I said if something happened to him would anyone even know to let me know IYSWIM, and would I just think he had gone off me - he says his brother would let me know (a brother I have never met)!
SO many issues with a LDR that I never thought of - still very early days for me am not sure whether I am ready for THIS (not him though he is lovely) but just wonder whether the timing is all wrong
He has commented on that himself (as I have significant ex/divorce issues at the moment), but has said he is not prepared to risk losing me again - is an internet kinda thing - he is an old friend I worked with 12 years ago who found me via mutual friends on FB about 6 months ago and has gone from there
He is so lovely but I do wonder how much of that is in contrast to my ex and dont want to rush into something - he I think is serious and makes "jokey" noises and marriage and babies despite me pointing out that at 37 with 2DC, more babies may not be on the cards and if that is really what he wants then may be best not to pursue it from the start ......
Ah well we see for now am off to but new underwear for next week
Perhaps we should change this to a support thread for LDRs

thanks for that
good knowing that it's not me being silly
in my case one of my girlfriends would automatically do it
time for asbm to get strict me thinks!!
i smiled at the marriage and babies thing
you never know do you?
ooh and new undies great stuff
always cheers me up shopping for those

am actually beginning to see the need for a whole section devoted to LDR
and
internet dating

He's on his way
So back to my original question - at what stage do you tell kids and let him stay over (ex crap aside) - it would be soooo nice if he could stay here and we could drink wine and watch DVD's , but am really not sure about letting kids (especially DD1 age 7 who has taken break up and "losing" her dad quite hard) meet and get to know him at risk its not going to be long term??
Apart from the fact she will blab to ex (and everyone else) which will bring its own issues !!!
Aggh must things be so complicated !

woo hoo....
so guess that's one MN-ers morning filled then lol!!
and as i said before er tricky
but then it's the same for any potential relationship isn't it whether LDR or not
but you are right to be cautious you have a duty of care to your dcs
and yes the older dd will take it harder
my ds1 took it all very badly and still to a certain extent does
have you started with a general conversation about mummy maybe wanting to have a BF in the future or daddy wanting to have a GF?
has ex moved on?
mine hasn't and will go mad btw
my friends have requested ring side tickets
my dcs don't know that i have been dating either
i guess macdoodle we'll just have to muddle thru with this one
as im not sure what the solution is
but at least you can both enjoy getting to know each other for now
keep me updated
and hope you have lovely time today

LOL when I said on his way I meant from 700 odd miles away - he has a few stops to make on the way - wont be here till sun/mon

oh bugger no!!
was all excited for you too
will be worth the wait i think!!

Lovely lovely lovely man
The kids issue is causing some problems though as he is now stuck in hotel 10 mins away, I am home with kids (no babysitter) and as am not ready for him to be here yet, we are both feeling a bit down !

have you had the talk with them yet?
now obviously isn't the time sadly
but think you need to!!