I've been reading a lot of posts lately about people who are desperately unhappy in their relationships but are reluctant to leave because they don't want to be a single parent. I've also been reading some heart-rending posts about people who find being a lone parent terribly lonely and feel that they are not a 'proper family'. Am I the only one who absolutely loves being a single parent? Come on all you single MNers. Let's have some positive stories about being a lone parent. I don't want to dismiss the feelings of those who aren't happy. They are valid feelings and they are entitled to them. However, I would like to show that it doesn't have to be like that and that it can actually be very enjoyable in the right circumstances. If we can give hope to a single pregnant mum, a parent facing divorce, or a recent single parent who is still finding the future daunting, it will be well worth it.
I'll start the ball rolling. I am mum to 2-year-old twins (well, 2 in a couple of weeks). I can honestly say that I am happier and more fulfilled now than I have ever been in my life. For once, I have stopped tying up my identity and goals (and therefore self-responsibility) with another and taken control of my own destiny. I feel incredibly empowered as a result. I don't have to compromise on decision making. I have a much stronger bond with my children than I think I would have done had I remained with my x. I have a good job with fantastic bosses who are more like friends to me, and wonderful friends who I count as family.
The family angle is a good one that I think we often get sidetracked by. But the truth is, if you look at different cultures in the world, and the idea of family through the ages, it's clear that the modern idea of the typical nuclear family is a very recent, western idea. Many societies are based on the idea of extended family, while other societies work well based on polygamy, etc. I like to think that familes can come in all shapes and sizes and are best described as 'a collection of people whose lives are interrwined and who all care deeply about one another". That could be two gay men bringing up a child, a single parent with children, a typical nuclear family, a step-parent family, or anything really. I consider myself and my children as a proper family. We have no need of a man (though it would be nice if I met the right one - I'm certainly not a man-hater). I count friends as well as relatives as my extended family, possibly because my friends are more involved in my day-to-day life than my family (my wonderful parents are sadly both dead, my dear sister is in Australia, and my elderly aunts and uncles all live miles away).
All in all, I am very content with my lot. Those of you who are happy too, please join in.