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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Feeling really low this christmas

7 replies

popcorn123 · 28/12/2008 22:10

This is my first christmas as a lone parent. Left my abusive husband in May and expected to have a better time than the chaoas he usually caused.
But I am feeling really isolated and really sad and think this is rubbing off on DC's.

Sorry really feeling sorry for myself.
My parents live 5 minutes drive away and my brother (20) lives there and my sister is staying for the christmas period.
Before I split from H they would always be offering to babysit, trying to get me to go out and I would usually go out with my sister when she came to visit.

They want to see the DC's during the day but I am ignored as an individual person. I have spent every evening alone including my birthday (23rd), christmas eve and day.
On my birthday my family kindly came round at 5.30 when I got home from work and had a celebration aimed for DC's but was nice but all disappeared by back of 6 to do shopping.
Christmas day I had to have ex round (long story) and went round to parents later in day.
Stayed until 7pm as DC's were making too much noise during TV and I felt bad. Didn't get offered anything to eat and drink and felt i was intruding.

Every day I hear about the games they have played in the evening etc but noone seems to realise that I am sitting at home alone with all the cooking/cleaning extra stuff that christmas brings with no help.

They said one day oh we will need to brong pictionary and a bottle of wine round, it will be fun - I phoned to see when this was planned to get vague answers, I then got embarassed and pretened that it would be difficult.

I feel really hurt and feel I can't complain because I need their help for babysitting if I ever go out and they help out sometimes for childcare for work.
When I am really hurt ( I keep crying) I get a bit stand-offish which can come across as rude which doesn't help.

They also keep insisting that I get ex to do more to help me but when I do I causes great problems due to his abusive bahaviour.

Also I am a more touchy-feely mum than my parents were (very strict) and I know I get critised for giving lots of cuddles when they ask and in thier view being too soft and being against smacking etc.

Ex is still giving hassle and usually it I deal with it but finding it hard this week.

Really need someone to talk to who cares - even thinking of phoning samaritans

Don't expect family to be my company and happy to be by myslef most of time but when they are doing family thing I feel reallt left out.

Sorry for self-indulgent rant

OP posts:
ninah · 28/12/2008 22:14

read your thread about ex and how you coped over Xmas - brilliantly!
Perhaps this is a reaction. I know how miserable it is to sit around in the evenings on your own. I think you should drop the pride and tell your family how you feel, yes please come round with Pictionary, wine, whatever - tomorrow I need adult company! Takes a while for the penny to drop for outsiders, unless you've been there yourself it's hard to imagine I suppose

aseriouslyblondemoment · 28/12/2008 22:15

Not at all self indulgent.
Feel free to rant.

aseriouslyblondemoment · 28/12/2008 22:17

Yes outsiders don't know how bloody hard and horrible it all is.
Hope you get the support you deserve and they should feel embarrassed not you.

popcorn123 · 28/12/2008 22:25

I think you are right ninah I don't say want I want - always worried that I am a bother to others, they probably don't know why I am so fed up and have decided to leave me alone.!

Just want a break - have ignored a hugh pile of ironing to post- I know we are all in same boat but feeling sorry for myself.

Nice to hear about your new man, sounds very exciting!

Yes, I don;t think people have any idea what it is like until you you have been on your own with DC's, better than my crazy ex but still has it's problems.

OP posts:
ninah · 28/12/2008 22:31

I never told my family how it was, they never offered. Plucked up courage to ask for babysitting one time and they were like yes, no probs, any time .. still not as often as I'd like but sis often pops round with wine, now, and they are v close to dc. Has taken 2 years tho. Ask, you'll be surprised.
I never gave a thought to single parents before I became one - might have mouthed glibly must be difficult etc but no way can you know. Christmas is partcularly bad, obviously. I just keep reminding myself at least I don't have tension of ex ...
new man lol - exciting he isn't, which is a real plus in my book

popcorn123 · 28/12/2008 22:48

Yes - I keep telling myself that - when the time comes to find a new man - to avoid anything that seems likes hard work, dull and ordinary is the way to go to avoid what my ex has put me through!

OP posts:
maidenvoyage · 28/12/2008 22:54

Hi everyone, I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself but then realise that there are alot of people in the same boat as me. I just feel so dam down and cannot work out why. I got made redundant just before xmas but am not really worrying about it cos i know i will get a new job, house is peaceful, but have now got to the stage where i would like to meet someone to love and support me, not financially I dont need anyone to do that but just to be there. Glad i found this website helps to talk sometimes and sound of. How is everone xx x x

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