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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

stopped him seeing our daughter

14 replies

hayley2u · 28/12/2008 15:07

just wondered if anyone had any advice at all. i split up from my daughters father may last year, we did have arranged access between us she would see her dad evevry week,. he started lateing her down or just not coming for her, so it ended he only really had her once a months,i told him to be in her life regulary or not at all. he let her down again so told him he was not having her again. he has now not seen her for nearly 2 months he has not been in contact once not a phone call on christmas day not a present from him or his side of the family for her at christmas, luckily she is only 15 months old so does not understand that daddy doesnt want her. i KNOW people have opinions about stpopping there children seeing there dads is bad mothering but i really dont want her to go through the pain every time he lets her down. i have a son also from a previou s relationship and he is showered with love from all his family , im so worried she is going to be left out

OP posts:

Original poster

hayley2u · 28/12/2008 15:29

anyone x

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Original poster

hayley2u · 28/12/2008 18:26

bump

OP posts:

anothermansmother · 28/12/2008 20:51

Hi! sorry to hear this about your dd father. my ds was still in womb when his father left, we didnt have anycontact untill he was 20 mounths, i did everything in my power to let him see Xp and kept in contact with his side of the family. At 20 months XP became a really good father except, i later found it was because he wanted to be with me not XP, and i now ahve a 26 moth old Ds asking for daddy after daddy was a manipulitive, abusive man, infront of my ds because he couldnt get his own way.
anyway sorry for the rant but the point i am making is you have to do what is best for your DD, you love her enough for two people and at least this way at 15 months she wont remember, rather than you let it carry on and in 12 months time when he keeps letting her down have her upset and confused. that is my opinion, you know that you do the right thing for your DD.
hope all is well for you and that some less enotional people come and speak to you!

CrushWithEyeliner · 28/12/2008 20:56

I think you should trust your instincts and do what you feel is right. Please don't feel guilty. You are in a very, very difficult situation.

Original poster

hayley2u · 29/12/2008 10:15

my ex is nothing but a bully. although i know hw wont hurt my baby he hurt me for years and i had very low asteem, the reaso i dint leave sooner was because i thought hewould not bother with her, then he bust my lip and realised i was making thing worse for my two children, my eldest ds 6 now was always seeing thing and i knew he should not at all. when i was pregnant with dd he punched me in the stomach 1 night and i lost my dd twin i still not over that but he wont take the blame. anyway i tried and tried to keeep him contact with heras reqlly dont want her not to have a daddy but hec constantly let her down each time i was in tears thinking about my poor girl being unwanted. she was a poorly baby always imn hospital with her epilepsy which makes her even more special and cant understand how the man who rocked her when she was going for brain scan to keep her safe and shedding a tear whern she was born has happily turned his backj. he has met someone else and moved in with them but he was expecting me to let baby go and not tell me were he was living . how could i do send my baby to place i wdont know. the one wekend he did have her in our old home he refused to let yer come home for 2 days in the end i had to ring the police to pursuade him to give her back.i do not want to make himhave our daufghter if he smartens up ill think about it but for now he does not have one

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Parsleypants · 29/12/2008 10:24

Hayley, I should be packing as we are going away for a couple of days but I had to post. I would not even consider letting my child near this man. Let it go for your dd's sake, you will give her all the love she needs. I am sorry to hear about the things he did to you. Bastard You are being amazingly strong and I wish you all the very best.

LittleJingleBellas · 29/12/2008 10:28

Hayley, if your ex beat you up and caused you to lose your twin, he is no fit person to be in contact with anyone's children, least of all his own.

Stop worrying about it, your DD doesn't need a father like this in her life.

BTW did you report him for the beating he gave you which led to the loss of your twin? Because it sounds to me like he should be in prison, not playing happy families with a vulnerable child.

Flihgtattendant · 29/12/2008 10:28

i think you have done exactly the right thing sweetheart,

you sound very sensible and strong. He was just probably trying to make you snap so he could say you stopped it and it wasn't his fault

I think it is better if she doesn't get attached to him further just to be let down,

she needs one decent parent, not a dickhead making her upset on a (not very) regular basis iyswim.

Well done xxxx

Flihgtattendant · 29/12/2008 10:30

He wouldn't give her back????

Bloody hell. I think you've been very very accomodating to let him near her since then.

Please don't let him ruin things any more, just enjoy your children, he has no right to them - they are the ones who matter here.

Original poster

hayley2u · 29/12/2008 10:38

thank you so much, nice to feel a little encouraged as half people are telling me im unfair she needs her dad and my family are obviously saying she doesnt need him.
yes i reported him but as was not in a 6 months gap not much they can do unless he admits it, but she is tryin anyway i want to pay for half the hurt iv felt.
when we were together despite what he did to me he loved her and looked after her well he was a good dad as soon as i left he could nt give a dam, when asked hwe said not the same with me not there.
she s such a beautiful baby so good and breaks my heart from what he is doing,i dont think iov hated anyone so much ha. i would love to see him go down i really would

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Flihgtattendant · 29/12/2008 10:43

Oh Hayley. This is so sad, I know often men do just cut their babies out of their minds when they have moved on. I don't know why. We saw ds1's father the other day and he just drove straight past...here i am feeling so guilty as if I didn't try hard enough.

It's going to be fine - she won't remember - you're protecting her, don't bother asking people what they think any more, until they have walked in your shoes. Take care xx

Original poster

hayley2u · 29/12/2008 11:24

thank you fightTTENDANT , hes not actuallt from the area we live in hes s moved over from ireland so in all frankness i think he should move back over there out of her lives take his new dolly bird with him, just dont throw it in my daughters face when we have to walk past him in the past.
he s made no effort to even see how sheis he s gone heartless. i am protecting hr people say children blame there mothers if they stop them seeing their kids im scared she will .

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shelleyloukissessantaselves · 29/12/2008 11:35

hayley, you have tried to maintain regular contact for your daughter her dad isnt interested in that. No one can blame you for putting your daughters intrest first, it would be so much worse if it continued in the future.

I completely undersatnd how you feel about him not getting inouch etc at christmas ds (2) had a card from his nan and that was it from his dads side of the family. He made no effort at all to speak to him. I too have given up trying to reinforce a relationship between ds and XP as it was just a complete waste of time some excuse or other why he couldnt see ds.

As others have said you love your DD enough for 2 people and she will know as she grows up that you do and have done everything you can.

Flihgtattendant · 29/12/2008 13:53

No, I am sure she won't. You just gotta be honest with her as she gets bigger.

Ds doesn't blame me, I don't think. And his dad never attacked me or anything. Please just protect her now, that's your job and nobody else will stand up for her.

Well done for being a great mum xx

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