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Original poster

What do you do on online dating when they send a pic and you don't fancy them ??

25 replies

IllegallyBrunette · 27/12/2008 13:47

I normally only reply to messages with pics because I do think there needs to be some attraction.

This time I decided to just answer them if I liked the message and so replied to a guy who had no pic. After 2 messages he asked if i'd like a pic and so he emailed me one.

I could no more fancy him than fly to the moon, so now what do I do ?? It would be really rude to not reply, I know, but I also don't want to give the impression I am now interested as i'm not.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 27/12/2008 14:02

That's a sticky wicket!

Has he asked to go out or meet up?

Original poster
IllegallyBrunette · 27/12/2008 14:03

No, but he definatly seems keen to continue the conversation and that is fine but I don't want to give the impression that I would even consider meeting up with him.

I know I sound very shallow.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 27/12/2008 14:04

That's not shallow. You don't fancy him, you can't help that. It would be shallow to lead him on or use him, but you're not like that and don't intend to do that.

Maybe make up another love interest ?

Original poster
IllegallyBrunette · 27/12/2008 14:06

Hmm good idea lol.

I just had an 18 yr old ask me out for a drink

OP posts:
MarlaSinger · 27/12/2008 14:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
IllegallyBrunette · 27/12/2008 14:11

Good idea Marla

OP posts:
TisTheSeasonToBeSolo · 27/12/2008 14:20

Don't you think that'd make him feel a bit crappy thoiugh? I mean, he sends pic, you say I don't think we're suited? he'll know then that you think he's ugly surely?
I'm trying to remember how I got round the situation...

Original poster
IllegallyBrunette · 27/12/2008 14:21

Oh I don't intend to send that message straight away.

He has already sent a message since the pic and I have replied as normal, not mentioning the pic at all.

OP posts:
TisTheSeasonToBeSolo · 27/12/2008 14:23

I think I carried on chatting with them, but never made arrangements to speak on the phone or meet...it fizzles away that way or you could chat a while on the pc then say you've met someone. Do it nicely though. Peoples feelings are usually fragile

solidgoldstuffingballs · 27/12/2008 14:27

Thing is, pics can be deceptive - some good looking people photograph badly, and some people might send you a flattering but not very accurate picture anyway, and people who look like a bag of spanners can, in the flesh, cause an almighty commotion in your underwear (you can't detect pheremones from a pkc).
If you are enjoying chatting/messaging with the bloke, don't dump him straight away - if he sounds like a laugh agree to a meet if you want to. Remember you don't owe people on dating sites anything except courtesy, so there's no need to agonise over whether 3 nice emails means you must have cybersex, or agreeing to a meeting means you have to deregister your profile immediately.

aseriouslyblondemoment · 27/12/2008 15:09

I have normally carried on chatting if they're entertaining as i like a good natter anyway and you dont have to meet them ,tbh some men just like a chat and obviously realise that youre chatting purely to be sociable.I had 4 or 5 men i would natter with quite regularly.
As for pics well thats a tricky one i agree with sgsb on that.(but I didnt have a pic online)One guy i went out with didnt have a pic and we chatted for a while online then we started texting and sent each other pics and i wasnt disappointed even better in the flesh lol!!
Just go with the flow i guess and trust your instincts

Original poster
IllegallyBrunette · 27/12/2008 15:36

If he was really witty, funny, entertaining etc then I probably would just carry on until it fizzled out but tbh his messages are pretty boring.

I have been chatting to another bloke who is no oil painting either but i just like his style of email and chatting to him seems easy so have no problems with carrying on with it.

OP posts:
aseriouslyblondemoment · 27/12/2008 16:14

If his messages are pretty boring then I wouldnt take things any further its not as though you've promised him a date so don't worry about it and if he becomes a nuisance then use the block option!

wintercitylover · 27/12/2008 16:24

Sometimes IB though they put a really good or old picture on their profile and then when they send you up to date pictures they look nothing like their original younger photo or they have put on several stone and are now bald.

I have had two rather strange occurences, the first is where a guy put a completely different pic on his profile unbeknown to me or any other poor girl and then we had a webcam chat (I was reluctant to do this as i knew i would feel too exposed. When he came on the webcam and looked so completely different I was so shocked and yet didn't want to let it show in my face which he could see. We carried on chatting but mentally I wrote him off there and then. A few days later I had been to Xmas party came home and logged on to MSN there he was again and as I had had a few glasses of wine challenged him about it and haven't talked to him since. Problem solved.

Second one is a bit more difficult - we chat on MSN for some time, seems a nice genuine guy bit of a spark, his profile pic is good then last night he sent me many more up to daet photos and and I don't think I really fancy him - put it this way my heart sank. However I think I will still chat to him though not as much and poss meet him.

Also the two dates I have had with people from online both looked worse than in their profile photo - in one case they had put a younger photo on and bore no resemblance to that the other had just photoed his good side.

I think getting them to txt you a photo is qute a good idea but then you still don't know if its old.

It's all a minefield but I do chuckle about that webcam guy - what a pratt!!

MoreSpamThanGlam · 27/12/2008 16:26

Send him a pic of me...that will put him off!

wintercitylover · 27/12/2008 16:28

Sometimes IB though they put a really good or old picture on their profile and then when they send you up to date pictures they look nothing like their original younger photo or they have put on several stone and are now bald.

I have had two rather strange occurences, the first is where a guy put a completely different pic on his profile unbeknown to me or any other poor girl and then we had a webcam chat (I was reluctant to do this as i knew i would feel too exposed. When he came on the webcam and looked so completely different I was so shocked and yet didn't want to let it show in my face which he could see. We carried on chatting but mentally I wrote him off there and then. A few days later I had been to Xmas party came home and logged on to MSN there he was again and as I had had a few glasses of wine challenged him about it and haven't talked to him since. Problem solved.

Second one is a bit more difficult - we chat on MSN for some time, seems a nice genuine guy bit of a spark, his profile pic is good then last night he sent me many more up to daet photos and and I don't think I really fancy him - put it this way my heart sank. However I think I will still chat to him though not as much and poss meet him.

Also the two dates I have had with people from online both looked worse than in their profile photo - in one case they had put a younger photo on and bore no resemblance to that the other had just photoed his good side.

I think getting them to txt you a photo is qute a good idea but then you still don't know if its old.

It's all a minefield but I do chuckle about that webcam guy - what a pratt!!

aseriouslyblondemoment · 27/12/2008 16:37

hehe!!it is all so funny though which is why its best to take it all very light heartedly.
The guy on the webcam though how hideous!!how on earth did you manage to stay talking to him?and how brave are you to even consider doing it in the first place!Ive only ever done that once and I was petrified and hes my current boyfriend.

wintercitylover · 27/12/2008 17:32

I wouldn't do it again unless I knew the person. I feel its intrusive and usually I am very scruffy in the comfort of my own home.

CatOfOneTail · 27/12/2008 17:55

I have had five dates so far. All complained that women do not post accurate photos and all five did not look like quite as nice as their photos but could not see it! I would never meet another guy without seeing a photo first. Happened to me on my first date. He sent a photo just before we were due to meet and as soon as I saw it I knew he wasn't for me but I couldn't think of how to cancel the date without being incredibly hurtful! Was too much of a coward and turned up for the date which just confirmed I didn't fancy him. I have now set my profile so that if anyone wants to contact me they must attach a photo. Looks aren't everything, but sometimes you can tell a lot about someone from the photo they choose to send.
Current boyfriend was date no 5, and very nice he is too!

solidgoldstuffingballs · 27/12/2008 18:17

Well if he's pig-ugly and boring with it then just don't bother responding to his messages: as I said, you don't owe him anything except civility (by which I mean, just don't reply to him: no need to send a message saying 'Not in a million years because you're repulsive and have the personality of slime').
Remember that most people on dating websites are messaging/chatting/even arranging to meet lots of other people just to see what happens. Anyone who acts like you owe them something just because they replied to your ad or you replied to theirs, or who claims to be In Love, is a mentalist best avoided.

aseriouslyblondemoment · 27/12/2008 18:46

catofonetail how awful is that?I would have been mortified!bet that was an excrutiating experience!So did he ask you out again or did you find a way to let him down gently?

Original poster
IllegallyBrunette · 27/12/2008 23:06

I have the other side of the coin now. Spoke to a bloke earlier who said he'd email me a pic as it was wiating for approval. I said don't worry i'll wait until they ok it.

Anyway, just been back on and they have out his pic up and woo hoo lol.

Just a shame he lives so far away lol.

OP posts:
TisTheSeasonToBeSolo · 27/12/2008 23:57

I travelled miles once to meet a gorgeous photographer. His picture must have been 5 years out of date and he wasn't a very nice person either. He just wanted a shag and I'm just not that kinda gal! He so wasn't worth the trip.

CatOfOneTail · 28/12/2008 00:20

BlondeMoment - It was so awkward. The pub I chose was now a gastropub and he didn't understand the menu. We had nothing in common but everyone can find enough to talk about to get you through lunch so that's what I did. He emailed me later that day asking to see me again! He was a nice man but not for me and I learned from that experience that it is kinder to be upfront about whether or not I fancy a man. I cringe thinking about that date even now.

aseriouslyblondemoment · 28/12/2008 01:48

Oh lordy I'm cringing for you and I wasn't even there lol!!
IB how far is far away?not having them on your doorstep does have its advantages as well you know though I often wish that I could see more of my bf.
So what have you done now?

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