Advice needed!!!how to dump boyfriend nicely?

[aseriouslyblondemoment]

yes sadly have faced facts and not truly convinced this will work out despite really hoping it would its a LDR and yes we met online.Hes also had bad time lately and I'm mindful of it being Xmas etc..

Could you wait for another couple of weeks, until into Jan?

thought of that and ideally would like to see him to tell him in person as thats how i would wish to be treated.However the whole thing has really got me down hes so uselessly unreliable and what makes it worse is that its not done out of nastiness hes just plain clueless.To make matters worse have met another bloke who ive now decided that i would actually like to go out with but feel that i might have missed the opportunity as i think i sent out mixed messages.

Telling him over the phone is not nasty if it's a long-distance thing. It's actually nastier to expect him to go to the trouble and expense of visiting you just to be dumped.
Phone him up (OK, check he's not in the middle of his dinner or a disciplinary hearing) and say look, Bloke, you're a lovely chap but it's just not working out between us and I don't think it would be fair to you to carry on. ALl the best.

He will either be relieved because he's Not That Into You anyway, or he will be upset. But either way, don't feel you have to go into endless explanations or try to make it easier on him: if he was keen, it's going to hurt him and you can't make that better, he's got to get over it himself, but not wanting to hurt someone is a bad reason to stay in a relationship with them: you will end up a) resenting the person and b) hurting them far more.

I guess there's not really any way to dump a boyfriend nicely, but you're right, speaking to him in person would be the right thing to do. In the past, I've always find its helped to let them know it's upsetting you to finish it, and try and be as open and honest as possible about your reasons too.

Thanks everyone for all your thoughts.Its been the first relationship ive had since i was divorced and his first serious one since he was too.Would ring and tell him but its either off/on charge/in car or get voice mail.Hence my frustration lol!But do feel truly sad about it all he is such a lovely man and the LDR wasnt the issue just his general disorganisationwhich isnt helped by his phoneaphobia

That's a shame, it's always hard leaving a relationship when the other person is lovely.

I ended a long term overseas thing in person, after ex other half had travelled from the US, to see me, and yes I felt terrible at him coming all that way to hear rotten news, but it was so much better to chat about it in person.

You will feel so relieved when you've ended it and can move on properly.

that must have been hard.Did he have any idea what was coming?Did he react very badly?
Whats making it worse is that Im so into this other guy ive met thou initially kept him at arms length now i need to tell him how i feel.

Throughout our entire relationship he'd always expected me to finish it, though we were together five years in the end. I think he was more upset that it had finally happened and we both cried a lot. But we both got to tie up any loose ends and talked about everything, which meant, for me anyway it was easy to move on. We spent the next week together, which was very emotional, but we did enjoy ourselves too. Then he caught his flight back to the US.

Six weeks later I met DP, and I would never have got together with him if I hadn't been free and single, so I was so glad I'd made the break.

It sounds like you know what you want to do...

TBH a bloke who is unreliable and hard to contact by phone is Not That Into You. It doesn't mean he's a bad person or anything, just that his relationship with you is not his biggest priority. Though it's probably too harsh and flouncy to leave him a message saying 'Oh, you're dumped BTW', I wouldn't agonise over how upset he will be, because it doesn't sound like he will be terribly upset. Try him at intervals (ie try phoning) and do the deed when you get him, but don't get too wound up over it.

lovelylullaby so nice to hear that through all that pain theres a happy outcome and obviously it was meant to be.sgpr you sound so like my best friend!!I know that im not his biggest priority his dc are and so are mine and I expect that and thats what made this relationship ideal for me to begin with.He does have a military background and was stationed overseas so I imagine that he can cope without much contact for longer than most of us could manage and I feel that he still carries this with him sadly for me and probably any other woman hes likely to date.