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Lone parents

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Original poster

the nightmare that is dating.....

17 replies

ratbunny · 20/12/2008 21:12

bloody hell, this is a minefield isnt it.

Met a man today that I have been emailing and texting for a couple of weeks. Met him online.
Well, he was very nice. Not at all what I expected, though in hindsight it all makes sense, I guess you kinda get an idea about what someone is like dont you.

But he was very, er, dull? I did sit for a while thinking about other things....

I thought I was non-committal when we parted, but he is still texting me, and wants to meet again.

Do I give it another go? Or pull out now? What is the etiquette? And how do I do that without being a complete arse?

Oh bloody hell I dont want to be nasty, cos he was very sweet, just not for me...

OP posts:

Prettyfull · 20/12/2008 21:14

hhmm hard one, i dont really know,....do you def know hes not for you,...or perhaps he was just shy?

How do you feel when he texts?? Happy n excited or does he make ya sin crawl lol

Not sure,..personally (im not saying do this) but i prob would forget him and move on to the next date with somebody else lol x

gillybean2 · 21/12/2008 02:33

Would you see him again because you are interested in him (even if just as a friend) or because you feel you have to for etiquettes sake?

If it's the latter then life is too short and I'm sure he would rather you were honest so he could move on and find someone who will appreciate his 'boringness'.

If he continues to be persistant then maybe ask him if he'd like some feedback on why you don't feel it would work and explain to him that you found the conversation pretty boring etc. It might help him on future dates!

ANTagony · 21/12/2008 07:56

I would normally have said, as gilly, lifes to short, but yesterday I read some articles about serious online dating and the way to get the man you want. see here

The way I interpreted it is if the person is not rude or slimy then at least a second meeting is worth while - the first is so artificial. If anyone is really charming and wonderful you have to ask why their act is so polished - I'm always nervous and probably not at my best.

The other bit I was a bit by was always date 3 people at a time. But actually makes really good sense. Don't know how I'd fit it in though.

tattycoram · 21/12/2008 08:09

If he's really not for you then let him down gently and move on.

Internet dating is very needle in a haystack, it would be miraculous if you fell madly in love with the first person you met, but I know two couples who met online and are very happy.

Overmydeadbody · 21/12/2008 08:24

If you found his company dull then it really isn't worth you wasting your time seeing him again.

No need to let him down gently, best ettiquette (and least painful for all) is simply to ignore all correspondence from him. He'll soon get the message.

It really isn't worth wasting a babysitter to see someone again if you don't actually fancy the pants of them or at least find thm mildly entertaining.

Original poster

ratbunny · 21/12/2008 09:12

I think I will give him another go, and then if he is still dull then I will make a flimsy excuse and not contact him again. After all, he could have been nervous and filling in the silences as it were - I know I do my fair share of rambling when I am nervous.

Its all fun though isnt it. Last night, as I was emailing one guy to arrange meeting up, arranging to go out for drinks with another one that I have become good mates (just just good mates) with, and not-texting another (the dull one), I actually thought this dating lark is the most fun I have had for years

OP posts:

aseriouslyblondemoment · 21/12/2008 21:30

Ratbunny you sound as if you are enjoying the whole internet dating minefield which is truly great!however I would be inclined to view the article/s on Match with some scepticism really!Youre a grown woman and lets face it we know what we like/want from a man and if you found your mind wandering then really he probably isnt worth a second look,but ok I dont know this man's history and maybe he is just pretty nervous as hes out of touch with women and dating?But if he didnt do it for you the first time you met my guess is he wont pass the test 2nd time round!He is obviously keen thou as hes trying to maintain contact so best to let him know where he stands nicely and move on!Lots of luck and i hope youll be able to help me as feel serious need to start my own thread!!

Original poster

ratbunny · 23/12/2008 18:57

yeah, I take your point aseriouslyblondemoment
I am not as bad as I sound - I havent got 3 men on the go as the Match article suggests, just having fun with a new mate, possibly meeting someone new, and unsure about someone I just met.

I really think I will give him another go (though not entirely sure I can be bothered with the effort, which clearly isnt a good sign), as I would prefer someone did that to me iyswim - ie didnt write me off after 1 meeting.

Also, I am really mindful of whether what I want actually exists, as I really only have my ex for comparison (and he certainly isnt what I want!). so I really feel the need to get out and meet as many men as I can to get a feel for it all again.

But it is fun, but then I have only just started, so I can imagine the novelty of dating different people wears off after a while

OP posts:

aseriouslyblondemoment · 23/12/2008 23:40

oh lordy no ratbunny wasnt even suggesting that lol!! I think 3 men on the go would be quite an achievement for any of us!!
and this man you met surely the feeling that not being sure if you can be bothered with the effort of meeting him speaks volumes.
and of whether what we really want exists in a man well..i guess you can only use your ex as a guide to know what you DON'T want.
And er enjoy the getting out and meeting as many men as you can and getting a feel for it all again.I do hope you strike lucky lol!!

lou33 · 23/12/2008 23:44

you have to do what feels right for you, and not do something because you dont want to hurt their feelings

that's life sadly, we dont always get what we want, and if you aren't feeling it then there is no point in pretending you are to either of you

i am sure you wouldnt end it nastily

you could always say you had a nice time, but it has made you realise that you are not ready to be dating anyone right now?

aseriouslyblondemoment · 24/12/2008 00:19

very diplomatically said!!

lou33 · 24/12/2008 10:48

i can be sometimes

aseriouslyblondemoment · 24/12/2008 11:10

No was the common sense approach i think!!

lou33 · 24/12/2008 11:14

am just at the point where i think there is no point in worrying about someone elses feelings to the detriment of your own

or maybe i just dont care about their feelings enough

aseriouslyblondemoment · 24/12/2008 11:32

yeah well we could just say that for the most part they dont consider ours!!

lou33 · 24/12/2008 11:42

yes this is true

Earlybird · 24/12/2008 12:44

I have found that the men who initially 'sweep me off my feet' often turn out badly. Maybe he is simply a kind, 'normal' man who will take awhile to 'grow' on you?

What are your hobbies/interests? What are his? If you see him again, why not suggest that the two of you go do something together - other than simply meeting for a drink/meal? Takes the pressure off manufacturing scintillating conversation, and you can (potentially) see him in a new light.

........mind you, this advice comes from someone who has been single/hasn't dated/hasn't tried to date for quite a long time - so may be utterly worthless!

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