This will probably be a long one. For anyone who doesn't know...exp left us when I was 3 months pregnant with dd and fell off the face of the earth until two months ago (she's nearly five). He then found me on facebook and decided he was going to be her dad (how big of him).
I have really been trying to make this work with them. I always wanted her to have her dad even if we weren't together. Obviously because they dont know each other too well contact has been once a week at my house. He's not taken her out on his own yet. He's been damn near perfect with her, everything I wanted him to be really...it was clear at first they were awkward with each other but he's really tried and she's now starting to include him in her thinking when he's not here (I'll make this card for daddy, can you send this picture to daddy etc).
His behaviour towards me is a different matter however. He doesn't seem to know the boundaries. I dont want there to be an atmosphere when he's here with her so im friendly, but I cant pretend....so to be friendly I have to feel like ive forgiven him for what he did. He takes friendly too far. He walks in here and starts reminiscing (sp? sorry) about the past. He flirts with me, is touchy feely etc, too familiar by far. Two weeks ago he kissed me.
So I ask him what he wants because this doesn't seem right and he's rather nasty, tries to make out that im chasing him and putting him under pressure to have a relationship. I think its quite obvious what he was after.
This has gone on more or less since he turned up again. I have told him to keep away from me and he just dismisses me completely and tells me im being a twat (his own words) and its my problem. He said im being selfish and should think of dd (in other words he can behave as badly as he wants and im supposed to keep quiet about it). He makes me feel like a silly schoolgirl again.
I have brought this child up on my own for five years. Yes, it has been tough but we've done it. I am ten times the person he is, I have more balls than him!
He always was a bully. I've known this for ten years. He's never laid a finger on me but he knows just how to twist my head around. Im well aware im being manipulated for god knows what reason but I dont know how to stop it.
If im cold towards him, he wont try it but then there's an atmosphere that dd picks up on. If im friendly, he tries it. Im feeling a bit trapped really.
I am not the kind of woman who sits by the phone waiting for some bloke to call, I can more than look after myself and the kids but I do have feelings like everyone else and he is purposely screwing with my head.
Im finding myself wishing he'd crawl back under his rock.