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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Ex has lost his job - big earner and will receive a BIG payout. What does he have to do?

50 replies

jellyjelly · 20/12/2008 11:11

Morning

My ex has lost his job recently. He is still working for them. I know that they have to give him 3 months wages minimum. He is also getting a large payout becuase of his age and for how long he has worked at the company.

Am I entitled to anything, the bugger would aviod paying for anything unless he had too and I am not sure how long i can survive without it.

Does he have to pay me every months until the money runs out as it is going to be 30k or so.

He has said previosuly but I am sure he will have changed his mind that he will give my 3 lots of payment.

Any other ideas.

Thanks

OP posts:

Original poster

jellyjelly · 20/12/2008 12:07

I think you should have words with the people that do that when they have the fantastic liftsles and dont tar us all with the same dirty brush.

I work hard, i have done since he left us for his bit of stuff. I almost lost everything but i have scrimped and saved all i can every month so that my son is fed and clothed. He has not gone without. I have paid for every single bit of equipment he has needed even when iwas really struggling x has not given any extra. I am a good mother but your comments made it all feel sht to be honest.

I am proud but i am realistic about what i can give to my son and yes maybe its wrong to you but i have learnt to rely on his money. I dont think that is wrong but you obviosuly do. X was there at the conception so he should be there for him, by yes you guessed it by giving me the money so i can decide what is best for my son.

Butyou know what i wouldnt have him back even if he begged as I am much better for my son than he will be and before you come back on that yes i know most childen need both parents.

Marry christmas to you santa helper i do for your sake hope you are never in the situation that i am in.

OP posts:

santashelper · 20/12/2008 12:16

jelly I am sorry if I have made you feel shit - actually the majority of my comments are directed towards hectate who has tarred all 'absent' parents with the same brush

Actually I am in a similar position to you but from the other side - DH's ex left him for a bit of stuff. The 'bit of stuff' has a high salary and my DH pays her loads, always has. None of the money goes on the children - we have to scrimp to feed them when they are here, pay to have an extra room for them etc, get none of the tax credits/child benefits she does, yet they are clothed in tatters, never go on holiday etc. She wants him to be financially responsible for them, fine, but gives him no responsibility or say in their upbringing.

As for having words, the csa care little about words, as I'm sure you know. All they care about is getting maximum from dh, it doesn't matter how the money gets spent

So if my DH were to be made redundant and she were to be after it in a flash, it would make me very angry. It is useful to see the other side. I can see your's and hopefully you can appreciate that not all cases are the same

TotalChaos · 20/12/2008 13:02

santa - let me give you another side. This was of course pre-CSA days - my father never acknowledged me, let along paid a penny. Btw it's the acknowledgemebt that rankles, not the money.

hecAteAMillionMincePies · 20/12/2008 13:43

hahaha! don't be stupid! I don't know what YOU'RE reading, but I clearly am NOT tarring all absent parents with the same brush!

"Does any absent parent? I bet not many, no, most chuck a few quid and expect the other parent to do the rest. 50% your genes-50% your responsibility." I stand by that - note I said Most, not all, therefore NOT tarring 'ALL absent parents'. Show me how many non residential parents pay 50% of the TOTAL cost of raising a child and I will bet my last rolo it is not very bloody many, compared to the number who give anywhere between nothing and up to 50%!!

"And one of the problems is the absent parent who resents giving any money cos they feel like they are paying it to the other parent" - THE absent parent who resents...note...not ALL absent parents who resent...therefore still not tarring all absent parents.

And I can't actually see any other bit of my posts that you could even try to twist into my talking about every single absent parent on the planet.

hecAteAMillionMincePies · 20/12/2008 17:28

ok, I need to apologise for dismissing your interpretation of my words as 'being stupid'. I am sorry. Nobody has the right to say that another person's perspective is stupid. You did not read them, the way that I meant them. That does not give me the right to dismiss your reply in the way that I did.

TheSeriousSanta · 20/12/2008 20:33

I have to agree with Santashelper on a lot of what she's posted here.

I know my DH's ex spends the child support on herself and then expects us to fund EVERYTHING for the kids ON TOP of the child support (includes pocket money, mobile phone top ups, itunes etc). She makes sure the kids are held at arms length in front of her and any attempt by us to limit funds WILL be made affect the kids before it affects her.

She is a very strong person who has recently refused to pay £7 to hire a helmet for her DD's skiing holiday(which we've paid 100% of) with her school (which we pay 100% of fees for)... But, the mother would rather her DD missed the trip than stump up £7 (and we pay in excess of £600 per child per month, not including school fees )

BUT, that's not what the OP asked. She asked what her position was in the event of the ex not working and she doesn't need direct attacks...

SOrry, massive vent, but I think it depends on (i) how long he pays the CO / CSA amount for and (ii) his other outgoings and (iii) whether you are prepared to take him to court and go through another assessment...

Tinkerbel6 · 21/12/2008 11:43

This thread is about jellyjelly asking for advice not other peoples husbands ex's, jelly speak to the CSA as they might ask for a perecentage of the payout until your ex finds another job, you could always go and see the cab for advice.

TheSeriousSanta · 21/12/2008 15:53

eRRRR.... Isn't that what I said?

HappyMummyOfOne · 21/12/2008 16:28

"If the redundancy money is tax exempt then it should not be included in earnings; the CSA should ignore it. This means that anything over UKP 30,000 will be taken into account. (Payment in Lieu of Notice - PILON - counts as income)."

Thats the official CSA agreement.

I think the OP was worded a little harsh, it seemed all about getting the money from the redundancy rather than saying would the monthly/weekly payments still be met by the CSA in a redundancy situation.

Judy1234 · 21/12/2008 16:59

It would be a lot simpler if fathers were forced to have children 50% of the time and neither parent paid the other anything for the children or each other. If we ever get true equality in the UK that's what we ought to have.

Anyway from the post above it looks like no if it's £30k or less you don't get a share of it. If it's over that you may. Also if his income stops then he doesn't have to pay anythign excpet whatever comes out of his benefits at £5k a week or whatever the statutory rate is. I think you don't have to pay out of interest either. So if my ex got nearly £1m from me which he did he doesn't pay child support on the interest on that lump sum (not that he pays anything anyway nor has them to stay ever either). Some people are just very materialistic.

Original poster

jellyjelly · 21/12/2008 20:17

Xenia were you saying i was being materialistic?

OP posts:

TheSeriousSanta · 21/12/2008 21:08

Jelly,

The point is not whether you are being materialistic or not.

You are entitled to the CSA or CO amount of money. If he cannot afford to pay that, he will have to go back for a reassessment or back to court.

I'm afraid I don't know anything about the CSA as we deal with a CO. But, I think a court would expect your Ex to have made reasonable efforts to secure other work.

It will, of course, depend on what other outgoings he has, if he has other dependant children etc.,

But, FWIW, I don't think you are being unrealistic in wanting to know where you stand. You are not together. All you need worry about is your position (and insofar as it may affect your children together)

I'm am sorry that is not helpful in terms of practical advice. Maybe post in Legal / money matters?

Judy1234 · 21/12/2008 21:26

It sounds like under CSA rules as long as he is paid no more than £30k then there is no entitlement but if over then there may be. It's bit like if you won the pools next week or your parents died and left you £1m you;re divorced and that money is yours not the spouse's whereas there is a legal obligaion to pay 15% of earned net income up to the capped amount for one child under CSA rules with deductions for nights spent with the other parent.

NCRedBreastedBirdy · 21/12/2008 21:36

JellyJelly, sorry if I am repeating, I tried to read the replies but got cross wading through the unhelpful bits!

Are you divorced? I thing that you would be entitled to part of the redundancy money if it were bought into the divorce proceedings. My understanding is that, so long as he keeps his usual monthly/weekly payments up, you would have no entitlement other than this.

Once the divorce is settled and assets split you sign a form saying you no longer have claim on each others finances so that would stop you claiming any of this. If you were not married then it would depend if you had done a legal splitting of assets, if you have then you would probably have signed one of these anyway, if not you probably won't have and so can make a claim although a court may not back it.

If he has agreed to pay you some of it then, I would guess, it is up to him to decide when and how. If you can get some input into it then great!

NCRedBreastedBirdy · 21/12/2008 21:37

I think not I thing

TheSeriousSanta · 21/12/2008 21:38

But, Xenia, isn't that only applicable where there is a clean break agreement in the divorce?

And there is a requirement to pay 15% (For example) of your supposed earnings (so, if you DID get given a million quid, you couldn't give up and pay nothing... Well not under a CO anyway... Not sure about the CSA...

NCRedBreastedBirdy · 21/12/2008 21:44

That is the name of the form I was thinking of!

ilovelovemydog · 21/12/2008 21:49

I think the only way you would get any income is if you have a nominal maintenance order in place.

TheSeriousSanta · 21/12/2008 21:51

NCRBB is right.

If you are now divorced, then as long as he maintains the current payments (as already agreed) then it's of no concern what else he has.

But (am I'm making a big leap into the world of assumption here) that the OP is not worried what else the EX has, but more worried about the current payments being maintained???? Is that right, Jellyjelly?

Judy1234 · 21/12/2008 22:14

I was assumed she was divorced and had a clean break and that just the child maintenance was being paid in which case it's the 15% with deductions that I mention above paid by the other parent to the resident parent, not that my ex pays anything.

I think if you pay under CSA rules and inherit a £1m they don't count the interest on that as income in assessing what the non resident parent pays but the very rich I suppose tend to have the amounts paid set out in a court order instead. Even so the other parent - in my case me - could go to the CSA and ask them to ignore the court order (ours says whoever the children are with pays for them and that whoever they live with I pay university and school fees for all five of them as I earn more).

Original poster

jellyjelly · 22/12/2008 09:42

I dont want anything else of his and i actually had to pay 25k to him for teh house which was very hard for me. I am just quite simply worried about keeping my house for my son and i. I just wanted to know if he should have been paying maintenence if he had 30/40k or whatever in his bank or if he could just not.

The 3 payments he might not give me, it wouldnt surprise me - he likes to have control and boy has he got it.

He pays the maintenance and thats it nothign else. At all.

We were not married found out 2 weeks before our wedding that he was having an affair.

OP posts:

Alexa808 · 22/12/2008 11:55

Haven't really read anything but the OP and don't want to get into a discussion about upset ex or whatever who is due... From a legal point of view you can put a claim in to part of the money if you weren't excluded from whatever capital he gets in the future (ineritance, bonus, etc.) If you were excluded I (brazenly) assume you were given the house and some and should be content with that. The law is ever so fair... [cough] ... [cough] ...

I do hope your ex gets a new job soon and I hope your ds will be fine!

Judy1234 · 22/12/2008 16:19

The relevant legal question is whether you had a clean break when you divorced and he does not pay money for you now or whether he pays child maintenance plus maintenance for you.

Also whether it's one or both of those it's your needs not his financial position which counts.

Original poster

jellyjelly · 22/12/2008 18:57

You were brazen - i wasnt given the house at all. I wish.

Thanks all.

OP posts:

ELOB · 01/01/2009 20:48

it depends. were you married and divorced? was there an agreement in place? are you entitled to spousal maintenace? or only child maintenance? did he leave you a house? or do you rent, pay mortgage yourself? do you get any benefits? you obviously know the answers to all this and whether or not he can meet those payments. i guess this is what makes the difference as to whether or not you are 'entitled'. obviously, he may simply pay you more than you are 'legally entitled' to and be happy to do this. hope it goes well.

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