Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Ex has lost his job - big earner and will receive a BIG payout. What does he have to do?

50 replies

jellyjelly · 20/12/2008 11:11

Morning

My ex has lost his job recently. He is still working for them. I know that they have to give him 3 months wages minimum. He is also getting a large payout becuase of his age and for how long he has worked at the company.

Am I entitled to anything, the bugger would aviod paying for anything unless he had too and I am not sure how long i can survive without it.

Does he have to pay me every months until the money runs out as it is going to be 30k or so.

He has said previosuly but I am sure he will have changed his mind that he will give my 3 lots of payment.

Any other ideas.

Thanks

OP posts:
santashelper · 20/12/2008 11:21

Em - are you entitled to anything? Don't you mean the children??

The man has just lost his job and is probably very upset. The money he gets is to compensate him for this loss.

Do you work?

hecAteAMillionMincePies · 20/12/2008 11:26

talk to csa, if his payoff is meant to be 3 months wages then will the payment stay as is for those 3 months then be reduced (assuming he is not working by then) or will his payment be reduced right away on the grounds that he is no longer working? You need to talk to them and find out.

Original poster
jellyjelly · 20/12/2008 11:30

Yes santa helper. I do work and I work bloody hard. He pays me for his son he doesnt go into our sons account. I have written an email dont pick holes in it.

He is on a very well paid job.

OP posts:
Original poster
jellyjelly · 20/12/2008 11:30

Santas helper i also dont see what it has to do with me working either.

OP posts:
FiveDollarShake · 20/12/2008 11:32

Why should you be entitled to anything?

As long as he's still meeting his maintainance payments, which I assume he will be if he's getting a big payout, then surely the rest is none of your business.

It would be in his own interests too to find another job ASAP so hopefully there will never come a time when he cant help pay for his children.

hecAteAMillionMincePies · 20/12/2008 11:32

and santashelper - i'm sure he is upset but children don't stop needing to be fed while he gets over his upset! and it is HERS - for the children, for the home, it's not handed to the kids to take to tesco, it is given to HER to spend as required, to help live day to day, and keep the children fed and warm.

He's 50% responsible for those children - do you think he pays 50% of what it costs to raise them? Does any absent parent? I bet not many, no, most chuck a few quid and expect the other parent to do the rest. 50% your genes-50% your responsibility.

I'm just so tired of reading sentences like "the bugger would aviod paying for anything unless he had too and I am not sure how long i can survive without it. "

And one of the problems is the absent parent who resents giving any money cos they feel like they are paying it to the other parent like the kids live on fresh air.

Original poster
jellyjelly · 20/12/2008 11:34

Thankyou miliion mince pies a parent that seems to understand. It is a very hard time of the year and losing a job is upsetting but it will be more upsetting if i have to sell the house we have and go under.

OP posts:
cheekysealion · 20/12/2008 11:35

i dont think the csa take from savings... only from income?

sorry you are worrying about this as i would be to in your position...

hope he is a decent person and continues with regular payments for you to support your children

Original poster
jellyjelly · 20/12/2008 11:36

I am not assuming that he will be doing anything at all. My friend left the company, different role earning alot less and she got 30k. He is management and will be getting more

OP posts:
santashelper · 20/12/2008 11:37

well actually hec I know of men who pay a lot more than 50% of what it costs actually. And in some cases the mother actually does not spend the money on the children

OP - my point was, we all know in this climate that none of our jobs are secure. Have you been making contingencies, or have you assumed that you will get his money whatever the weather? E.g. I try to save any spare money I have, however little, as it is possible I may lose my job. If I was also being paid a portion of someone else's salary, I would make the same contingency

TotalChaos · 20/12/2008 11:37

agree with Hecate - I presume that jelly jelly is concerned that her ex will stop paying maintenance. These days most of us would be stuffed to lose a significant proportion of household income. I would speak to CAB or if you can get a free initial interview, a solicitor. Possibly tax credits would make up some of the shortfall if he didn't pay maintenance?

santashelper · 20/12/2008 11:39

Presumably he also has high outgoings and if he is unable to get another job he could also lose his home. This is not a nice situation for anyone.

Original poster
jellyjelly · 20/12/2008 11:39

Well santas helper even though i have been trying to save its bloody hard being a single parent and what you should do and what you actually do when you are in this situatio is bloody hard.

Get off your high horse and come into the real life.

OP posts:
littlelamb · 20/12/2008 11:39

Hecate, absolutely. REsponses like santashelpers are exactly what stops me posting on the lone parent board though god knows I could use the advice sometimes.

santashelper · 20/12/2008 11:40

And hectate - don't forget that if the payments are supposed to be 50:50, he non-resident parent does not benefit from any tax credits or child benefit, but is expected to meet 50% of the costs

Original poster
jellyjelly · 20/12/2008 11:41

I strongly doubt he will lose his home to be honest. HE has tried to shaft payment since we split.

OP posts:
Original poster
jellyjelly · 20/12/2008 11:42

Go away from my thread santashelper you certianly dont deserve the position.

Go back to your bridge

OP posts:
littlelamb · 20/12/2008 11:46

BTW, jellyjelly I was just in a similar position when exdp lost his job- no big payout though WHatever some people say, you do rely on that money coming in and yes, it is precarious to rely on someone else being employed but surely everyone is in the same boat on that one!

crankycrane · 20/12/2008 11:46

my ex gets off lightly, he pays very little to our 14 and 13 year old needs

he drops them 50 quid for birthdays , xmas etc

jellyjelly i hope you can get this situation sorted soon

hecAteAMillionMincePies · 20/12/2008 11:46

so they don't spend the money on the children? So they get money from the other parent and they don't spend it on rent/mortgage, food, heating, lighting, council tax, water rates, telephone bill...you know, keeping the house that the children live in, running? Catering for all aspects of life - clothes, shoes, birthday/xmas gifts, holiday, school dinners, school trips, school uniforms? ......

So what do they spend it on and does that mean that they don't pay the things listed above? Or do they use their own money to pay those things and use the specific notes given by the other parent and take them to threasher and buy whiskey?

Or do they take all income from all sources, put it in one big pot and do everything they have to do with it, home, kids and themselves?

FiveDollarShake · 20/12/2008 11:47

Jellyjelly- he sounds like a real charmer
If he's already mentioned that he would give you 3 months money then I'd mention it to him again and see if you can get it.

I must say that some people are in much worse situations and have never been paid a penny from their ex's for their children....for example my DB has had sole custody of my nephew since he was 10 months old ( he is now 6) and has never been paid a penny by his waste of space mother.

littlelamb · 20/12/2008 11:48

I love you hecate Have a virtual drink- from my own money of course

whoingodsnameami · 20/12/2008 11:50

Are'nt maintenance payments meant for the parent too? untill he/she remarries?

Original poster
jellyjelly · 20/12/2008 11:50

Hec I would love to buy you a drink but of course it would come from his money becuase that is all i do with it of course.

OP posts:
santashelper · 20/12/2008 11:53

hectate - I'm sure the majority of mothers do spend the money on the children. However I have seen, first hand, cases where the mother uses the cash to fund an expensive lifestyle while the children do without holidays, wear tattered clothes etc.

Also the csa works on income, whereas you have mentioned costs. So if an exdh has a very well paid job, does that mean the children cost more? Will the resident parent spend all that extra cash on the children each month?

Swipe left for the next trending thread