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Original poster

Really strange?

20 replies

temptingbutno · 19/12/2008 10:10

Hi, I have been seeing my 'new man' for a while now. I have had several concerns, small ones, but hey...not everyone's perfect are they? All my friends have asked me if he's gay...I have to admit that it's crossed my mind many times as he's very effeminate in his ways, he almost has theatrical campness if that makes sense? He's very 'delicate', in that he's always ill, and is rather obsessed with what he calls 'bum love'!
Anyway, the other day I asked him if he had ever had any homosexual experiences, expecting him to be horrified at the suggestion. To my shock he admitted that from the age of 13 to 16 he had a 'friend' who he would regularly masturbate, and who would do the same to him. This went on for 3 years. Now there's sexual curiosity (a one off maybe) and there's a 3 year gay relationship.
Given that my friends all asked if he was gay prior to this confession, and that I had often wondered myself, should I be concerned? He was quite happy to admit it, not embarrassed at all.
What do you think?

OP posts:
TisTheSeasonToBeSolo · 19/12/2008 10:14

I think that you could be right or it could just be that as a teenager you are curious ~ and what feels better than your own hand playing with your bits? someone elses hand of course.

DarksomeNight · 19/12/2008 10:14

He could be bisexual, but I think that would turn me off tbh. Some people are just more open than others. I must admit I do prefer manly men

MadreInglese · 19/12/2008 10:15

Perhaps he is bi

(camp does not mean not straight)

Original poster
temptingbutno · 19/12/2008 10:19

See, that's the problem I have. He's just not manly. I wouldn't have a problem per se with his experimenting in his teens but he has really feminine ways. Every single day, without fail, when I ask how he is he'll have some imaginary illness, has to have windows shut in case he gets a chill, has to go and have a lie down....
I find it quite embarrassing in company because he will toss his head in conversation, rather like John Inman used to do (am I showing my age???).
If we're watching telly and Matthew McConnaughey (sp) comes on, he gets quite excited, similarly he has pictures of Elvis around the house, and keeps saying how handsome he was. He's just so...girly

OP posts:
Original poster
temptingbutno · 19/12/2008 10:20

I know that alone, being camp doesn't mean being gay. But now that he's told me about his 3 year 'friendship' it's really started the bells ringing.

OP posts:
Original poster
temptingbutno · 19/12/2008 10:22

There are other problems by the way...it's not just this making me have second thoughts. He cannot get on with my oldest daughter, and makes really catty remarks about her all the time. He doesn't like her at all. If I'm honest this is the real problem, the gay thing is just an aside really.

OP posts:
TheDevilWearsPrimark · 19/12/2008 10:24

So why are you with him?

Original poster
temptingbutno · 19/12/2008 10:28

I'm not at the moment. We had a really big bust up last week, because he told me my DD was bad, always had been and always will be. he also told me my children would all turn out to be thugs as I'm a rubbish mother! This all followed on from me asking if he wanted to come over for roast dinner on Sunday, he said no. So I cooked it and me and the DC ate it. Later on he got really mad because I hadn't asked him another half a dozen times to come over! I lost my rag at his spoilt behaviour. he also got mad because when he calls he can hear the children in the background, and says that he wants my undivided attention when he rings.

OP posts:
TisTheSeasonToBeSolo · 19/12/2008 10:28

Ditto TDWP

DarksomeNight · 19/12/2008 10:28

I think perhaps he's not the guy for you then????

Have you slept with him yet?? I mean is he interested in you sexually??

TisTheSeasonToBeSolo · 19/12/2008 10:30

Get shot of that. Your Dc's should always come first and he should know that without you needing to tell him. He's not good for you or your family. IMO.

Rindercella · 19/12/2008 10:34

Um, I have a feeling this relationship is doomed! Even if you could get over the fact that he sounds camper than Graham norton, if he can't make an effort to get on with your daughter then it is probably time to call it a day.

DarksomeNight · 19/12/2008 10:37

I really dont think I would stand for a new man being catty and mean to my dd tbh. He sounds like a bit of a pita, very high maintenance. Do you really want to go there??

how long have you been seeing him??

unavailable · 19/12/2008 10:39

Blimey - He sounds awful. Does he have any redeeming features?

ELOB · 01/01/2009 22:18

i think you need to go by your judgement. there are some strange people on earth. your gut feeling is probably right. it may be he's not yet 'come out' so to speak. but will.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 01/01/2009 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

solidgoldsoddingjanuaryagain · 02/01/2009 10:46

It doesn't sound like there are any benefits for you in this relationship, so why continue it? Just say to him that you don't think things are working out between you, best of luck and goodbye.

LittleBella · 02/01/2009 12:47

Get rid.

Anyone who told me my DD is bad, always has been and always will be, is not someone who would be welcome in my life, let alone in my home and bed.

Helsbels4 · 02/01/2009 12:52

I think that you probably already know in your heart that this relationship isn't leading anywhere good. There are too many alarm bells ringing for you already and I certainly wouldn't entertain the idea of a relationship with somebody who put me and my dc's down so cruelly. I personally think that you need to distance yourself from this man.

bluejelly · 02/01/2009 13:01

I agree with everyone else-- he sounds very immature and into playing games.

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