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Original poster

online dating and being FAT

5 replies

macdoodle · 18/12/2008 22:02

Well its a a bit complicated as I actually know this guy from 12 years ago - we worked together for a few months ..
He contacted me on FB via mutual friends and we have been MSNing/texting etc...and now he wants to meet - he is just lovely
So 12 years ago I was obviously younger........and also at least 4stone lighter and he has complimented me on how I looked then - he has seen some photos on FB but they are the most flattering ones I have .....he looks to have aged rather well
I have had 2 babies (one section) my tum and boobs are a bit saggy to say the least and I am still 3stone over my pre baby weight (DD2 now 1) which was a good stone over my ideal
I do make the most of myself but am worried that there will be a look of shock on his face when he sees me - I have intimated that I am a larger than he recalls and he has laughed it off saying it is not important !
So he works away - is talking about end Jan - I was planning to restart healthy eating and exercise after xmas but realistically will not lose it all in a month .....sooooooo do i just say outright that I am FAT or just wait and see and if it matters well then it wasnt meant to be anyway was it!!
Have been out of this dating lark for 10 years and my tosser of a H said I was repulsive and it was because I was fat he had an affair so thats where its all coming from I guess

OP posts:
FrostyTheSnowgirl · 18/12/2008 22:15

Hi, just want to say please don't worry, the bloke will like you for you, no matter what size you were or are now. If he places so much on looks then he's not worth it then really is he?

From my own perspective I am also A LOT bigger than my pre pregnancy weight and I met my ex today for a coffee who I havent seen since I had my son 2 years ago. I forwarned him that I wasnt the same anymore and when he saw me it was as though we'd never been apart.

I even text him to ask if he thinks im awful now and his reply was a big "fat" NO!!!!

Hold your head up high and go for it xxx

koolaroo · 19/12/2008 01:10

Hey Macdoodle,

Ive been through kind of same thing lately. Ive been chatting to old friend on fb. we even exchanged numbers and chatted on phone and we got on great untill he said he wanted to come through and meet up for a drink...and I froze. Ive had 2 kids since he has seen me, ive split from ex (who he hated) and ive piled on the weight, whereas he has lost loads. He looks fantastic and I feel like Mr blobby. So ive decided that, ill stay in touch with him but I really need to sort out ME before I get involved with anyone else. Im going to have a makeover after Christmas, get on a diet and start feeling better about myself. Im happy to meet him but I dont want to get involved with anyone until I am happy with myself. BUT saying that, I know a lot of men are just happy with the person YOU ARE not the person you wish to be so give him a chance if you think it might lead somewhere, not all men are shallow and interested in stick insects ya know. He sounds like a nice guy and if you just want to meet as friends its worth a shot... what have you got to lose?

PurpleOne · 19/12/2008 02:46

Macdoodle, judging by ur pics on ur profile...you look great!
Please stop putting yourself down. You are a human being in your own right. You are NOT fat.

Does size matter? If it bothers you that much, you have until end Jan to get to the gym and eat healthily. I'm almost sure that that will reflect on you also.
You will be gorgeous and he will notice it too.
Get in there girl!

glitterfairy · 19/12/2008 10:21

macdoodle as soon as you start to address what you see (and I am sure no one else does) as the problem you will feel better!

Dont let it stop you doing anything you want to though.

wintercitylover · 19/12/2008 11:14

ANother message of encouragement - I met up with my exbf in mid 07, started a relationship (and still see him on and off) we hadn't seen each other for 15years and I had two children in between plus abt 3 stone in weight.

I was in the process of working on my body (mainly mentally) due to similar issues with my exH.

I told exbf(before we met up again) that I was curvy which is true. He has never made a negative comment about my body and I have never run myself down to him and will never do that again with any man.

Since we went out all those years ago the sex this time around is so much better, than when we were young and slim.

So don't worry. You have to get your mindset right. One of the things I did was go to a Paul McKenna seminar where we did mirror work which was very powerful.

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