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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

ExH refuses point blank to see DCs on Xmas Day even though he could

10 replies

wintercitylover · 18/12/2008 13:02

Am sitting here in tears (locked in office) after difficult telephone convo with exH. Was feeling fragile about other things and this has just set me off.

Yes it's the same exH who refuses point blank to take DS1 to his football matches, which I know is very hurtful to DS1.

He lives about a 15/20minute drive away (actually on Christmas Day would probably take about 10 mins). FFS I would hold off on the wine and would drive them if it meant they could see him.

We also stayed in London (and put off visiting my family who live away)so they could see them.

I might have got it wrong but I think that they will be v disappointed if they don't see him on Xmas Day.

He says it't not appropriate, won't work. And that they will have Xmas Day with our DCs on Boxing Day. I said it's not what you want think about them.

Background he has new babies and new family who he will be with on Xmas Day. It's fine with me cos I def don't want him but I don't want my DCs to think they are second in any way.

I am fine with all that(in love with someone else but that's another story ) and encourage boys to be integrated into new family which I think is generous of me and the right thing to do.

He keeps saying to me I have two sets now and I keep saying to him no you have four chldren.

He likes to control everything and I am so weary of it all.

And all he kept saying is 'hope they behave on Boxing Day'.I get regularly 'lectured' on their behaviour when they are with him.

I will of course be very neutral about it all, put a positive spin on Christmas Day but said I will direct any questions from them about Christmas Day to you.

OP posts:

Dropdeadfred · 18/12/2008 13:08

I'm sorry you are upset, but I'd be relieved that I didn't haveto be parted from my sons on Christmas day...it does sound a difficult situation though

Original poster

wintercitylover · 18/12/2008 13:10

Believe me I really don't like letting them go either, but I do think that they will want to see him.

He says he has talked to them about it but when this sort of thing has happened before he often hasn't (after some gentle probing of DCs).

OP posts:

Original poster

wintercitylover · 18/12/2008 13:13

I think also that what really pisses me off is if he has made up his mind about something then there really is no negotiation.

It make him seem so callous and cold. Don't know how it must appear to a child.

One of the reasons why I am not with him anymore.

OP posts:

TheCrackFox · 18/12/2008 13:20

He is an arse. Feel very sorry for your DCs. Thank God you are no longer with him.

Dropdeadfred · 18/12/2008 13:20

perhaps you could tell your dcs that it was a decison you made together to spare their feelings?

Original poster

wintercitylover · 18/12/2008 13:32

Well I will wait for them to raise it I think.

Have now opened office door, luckily my face does not show I have been crying and have been telling my work colleague about it. What a see you next tuesday he is.

I think he is finding it very very difficult to juggle everything (he is no spring chicken)and takes that out on me. Still trying to make an impression on new P.

The irony is that having DCs was never on his agenda. Now he has four.

OP posts:

moondog · 18/12/2008 13:34

What a prick
Useless excuse for a man.

Original poster

wintercitylover · 18/12/2008 13:49

I think that's why I post on here as a way of double checking that he is being unreasonable.

Because I am still not recovered from his controlling ways during our marriage (ended in 2006) and because he has a way of making me seem like the unreasonable one.

And he has a way of appearing so reasonable to most people including new P I would imagine and then acts like an arsehole to me and often to DCs.

But then I suppose that's the hallmark of a verbally abusive/controlling man. All sweetness and light externally.

He tried to impress me/protect me for about a couple of years when we first met but it all soon wore off.

Once we were on a more equal footing that's when it all started to go wrong.

OP posts:

koolaroo · 19/12/2008 01:34

Please dont let him spoil your Christmas. Like DDF said, just be happy you arnt parted from your boys on Christmas day. I know it might be upsetting for them but im sure you can make it a fantastic day for them.
Its one day and, yes I think he is being a total tosser for refusing to have them but you are the one that will be there for them, making sure that their Christmas is fantastic, they will remember that.

thumbElf · 19/12/2008 02:50

total twat. him, that is.

See, my plumber today told me he has 3 children, 1 DD from his ex and 2 DC with his current DP. He sees his DD1 every other weekend and they all integrate together, the DCn that is. That, to me, is the way it should be when halfsibs exist - not "2 sets" as though they are completely separate.

Arse - shame you can't kick him into touch completely. He will be the loser in the end for sure - your DSs will stop bothering about him if he carries on.

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