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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

just looked at dating websites, and I think I should accept I'll be single forever....

28 replies

AMAZINWOMAN · 17/12/2008 22:09

I have coped really well as widow for nearly a decade now. I have no family support, but my children are fantastic. (its not just me whothat says that!!)

So I'm a strong, independent woman. But part of me would still like to be in a relationship, just for me.

I have joined free dating websites, but the men on there are are awful. I'm looking at dating men in their early 40's and they are just, well, lets just say I'd rather just chew my right arm than wake up with them in the morning...

Even if I found a decent man, I wouldn't really have the time to date them.

And men I have dated, think that I'm too good for them. Men just like to be needed, but I'm too independent for that...

I should just accept that I'll be single forever. Very few decent men are single, and the ones that are single, well I'm not really surprised.

I dated a lovely man a few weeks ago. (the first decent man in years) He wanted to see me again. He gave me two hugs at the end of the date, but then changed his mind about seeing me again.

I think I cope too well...

OP posts:

FeelingOld · 17/12/2008 22:21

There are some decent men around, maybe not necessarily on dating sites, but they are out there, I have several single male friends in their 40's and they are lovely.

I have a new partner (only been dating 4 months) and he is the total opposite of what i thought i was looking for and we met when i least expected to meet someone.

WeWishEWEaMerryXmas · 17/12/2008 22:23

I think you probably need to use paid for sites to get decent calibre men who are committed to meeting someone to be honest, in my experience, the free sites are full of married men and tight losers!

tetti · 17/12/2008 22:32

I think you are looking at the wrong sites sweetie:-),have you looked at Match.Com?
The free ones tends to be full of men that aren't serious about being in a relationship,but are more likely to be looking for a fling.

I have done internet dating before,and yes,there are def downsides to it.
But I once met a guy on a dating site whom I enjoyed a great 8 month relationship with(we only parted as we were at different stages in life,he was 8 years younger,and just wanted different things basically)

On Match there are lots of very attractive men,and you can either choose to wink or email them(I get about 15 winks a day,so that does boost your confidence if you're having a low moment!lol)

Seriously though,I know what you mean,I am also very independent,am very busy with work,a degree and and of course being a mum!
I wonder how on earth I can ever get the time to actually date someone.
But,my motto is that nothing is impossible,the right person is out there somewhere,and that person will respect the fact that you are an independent woman and admire you for it.
Internet dating is a good option if you are a buy working mum who doesn't get the time or opportunity to go out,and there are good men out there(you just have to sift through the rubbish first!(wink)

If you want to pm me feel free:-)

All the best.x

Original poster

AMAZINWOMAN · 17/12/2008 22:35

yes, I do know there are decent men out there.

Its's just if they are single and willing to cope with my baggage that's my problem. Men have always said that I'm too independent.

i also have very good gut instincts about people. And in general, there aren't many people out there I have a good instinct about.

Also, cos I don't go out much, the chances of me meeting someone special are small.

i know it's not me, just my situation

OP posts:

Original poster

AMAZINWOMAN · 17/12/2008 22:37

Feelinold, who are your friends?

Tetti, how do I pm?

Sorry to have cross posted. I'm rubbish at technical stuff, and with a glass of wine to..

OP posts:

tetti · 17/12/2008 22:57

I think you should be able to do that by clicking on my profile,not sure(my head is a little bit clouded after a couple of hours pouring over course books!lol)

Original poster

AMAZINWOMAN · 17/12/2008 23:11

I just clicked on your name and it says, either Tetti hasn't created a public page yet or profile settings don't allow you to see it.

I've been on the go 16 hours though...

OP posts:

tetti · 17/12/2008 23:32

Whoops!I'll get to that tomorrow,and you should be able to pm me then:-)

kat57 · 18/12/2008 09:31

I think you've convinced yourself that there's something wrong with men your age out there who are looking for a relationship. In my experience that couldn't be further from the truth. I have plenty of baggage, single mum of young DD and almost geriatric to boot, but met my wonderful fiance online and have never been happier. I'm independent too and he initially wondered if I was too good for him but I soon convinced him otherwise!

FeelingOld, why wouldn't there necessarily be decent men on dating websites? There are certainly loads of decent women! Online dating is an accepted part of our culture these days, even gorgeous 20-somethings do it, so even more sensible if you're older and don't get much time or have the inclination to socialise like you used to.

tetti · 18/12/2008 10:09

Totally agree.The thing is,most of us at this stage in life know who we are and what we want,we also have commitments like work and kids,and don't always have the time to go out and meet new people.And thb,how many potential partners would you be likely to find in a bar or club???
At least online you get the opportunity to find out more about the person beforehand( interests,values etc),as opposed to when you go out and meet someone and are just drawn to the person physically(but you might not be a good match at all).
There's nothing wrong at all with internet dating,and I totally agree that it's an accepted part of todays society.:-)

Ps.Amazinwoman,I'll sort my settings out this eve so that you can pm me,just on a sneaky coffe break!lol

FeelingOld · 18/12/2008 12:38

Kat, sorry meant that there are some decent men on these sites but there are a lot who arent and its not so easy to tell the good from the bad until you meet. I say this only cos i have friends (male and female) who have used these sites and have chatted to or met some very strange people.

I met my man on a very rare night out with a female friend and he gave her his number and asked her to give it to me. Like i said he is not the kind of guy i was necessarily looking for (11 years older than me, grown up kids whereas mine are young, smoker) but having got to know him he is so lovely and caring and kind, am so glad i plucked up the courage to call him.

And as for finding time to date, its hard but you can do it but it just takes a bit of planning ahead.

FeelingOld · 18/12/2008 12:41

Amazinwoman - I have 3 very close single male friends, 1 is 45 and a single dad of 2 boys, 1 is 46 and has 3 kids none of whom live with him and 1 who is 36 who has never been married but would love to meet someone and settle down.
Any of them any good??

Youcancallmeal · 17/01/2009 13:22

You can chat with me if you like. I'm just starting out again and have looked at the dating sites but can't really bring myself to do it!

I expect there are a lot of scumbags of both sexes on them and I don't want to looked at as some sort of male perv scumbag.

aseriouslyblondemoment · 17/01/2009 13:30

male perv scumbags on dating sites?
surely not?
LMAO!!

allgonebellyup · 17/01/2009 15:15

hi, thanks for all the messages on my thread, my time to reply to you now!!

I have to agree with you that online dating is a minefield; i have been on 7 dates i think, and most of them were pretty normal, and there were a couple i really fancied but its all so hard, isnt it??!!

there is the bloke i am sort of seeing now, but it probably wont last long!!

Like someone else said, avoid the free sites as they tend to be full of twats who want bits on the side.

I have met a couple of really kind and funny men online, there just wasnt a spark!!

allgonebellyup · 17/01/2009 15:19

sorry, thought aseriouslyblondemoment started this thread for some reason!

lou33 · 17/01/2009 15:37

i use the freebies, mainly because i am skint, but whilst there are a load of old nobbers on them, there are also some v decent guys on there, some of which have become great friends of mine irl

aseriouslyblondemoment · 17/01/2009 16:04

hehe!wonder why that was agbu?
and i can guess i know exactly which old nobbers you mean too Lou!!

PurpleOne · 18/01/2009 04:16

You just gotta keep wheedling the wheat from the chaff lovelies!
I haven't got there yet but they can't be all after the same thing surely?
The freebies attract the gamers, players and the total tosspots who just want a date and a bit of fun. Not my type. Sorry. Better being paid for.
I found FRD (friendsreuniteddating) to be the cheapest and where I met me exp single dad and it was really OKAY

aseriouslyblondemoment · 18/01/2009 11:29

yeah but sometimes there's an awful lot of crap chaff lol!
i used same site as purple
have been out with a couple of men off there
you soon spot the dodgy ones
in that case use the block option

lou33 · 18/01/2009 17:49

once you get in the swing of it, it becomes easy to spot who is just after a hit and run and who isnt

aseriouslyblondemoment · 18/01/2009 20:49

well put Lou!!

Niceguy2 · 18/01/2009 21:13

Online dating is a bit of a nightmare and I've become quite jaded with it.

I like to think of myself as a nice guy (hence the name). I'm no Justin Timberlake but I scrub up nice. But online I find it tough going.

The only people who seem to do well are the players who have polished their game.

Also I find a lot of women (esp. on free sites) are just not serious or ready to date. They reply to a few messages then run away as soon as you ask to meet them.

But like you I have very limited spare time so use Internet dating as a way of trying to find Miss Right.

lou33 · 19/01/2009 00:17

ive met and dated some decent guys from the free sites, i've also made some really bloody good mates out of a few of them too

one of my online dates i have known for 2 yrs almost, came to mine tonight and seemingly wants to have a more serious relationship with me

regardless of if i say yes or no, he is a nice guy , and we have maintained a friendship all this time, one which wouldnt have had the chance had we not met online

one of my ex dates from online has become my closest friend now, we speak pretty much everyday and see each other once or twice a week

i was round his last night watching a dvd with him, so online dating isnt a total washout, it just depends on how you approach it and the type you choose to correspond with

aseriouslyblondemoment · 19/01/2009 00:44

and since when has Justin Timberlake been the benchmark FFS?!!
niceguy just be yourself
that's all i can say
you will meet that Miss Right
and Lou's philosophy is right

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