Should I let Xp see DS

[DaBombDiggitty]

Well I'm more of a lurker than a poster but really don't know what to do for the best....

DS dad lives abroad and we went to see him in July - XP was awful to both me and his son - he said some terrible things to both of us, including saying to his 4 year old son F%^$ this I cant deal with your sh1t - when ds son started to cry after waiting for 2 hours for his dad to pick him up and then didnt want to go. His father didn't even come to say goodbye to us at the airport when we left to come home.

Since July he has called his son no more than 5 times and about 3 of those phone calls ended up in his father hanging up on him as ds said he doesnt kno what to say to daddy. His father has also said I wont call you again to ds which has resulted in me picking up the pieces. I know this as I always put him on loud speaker so I can hear what he says due to our experience in July.

He is now here in the UK visiting his new partner and just called out of the blue to say he is here and can he see his son! So far I have given him 2 opportunities to meet us - the first time he said, "we're getting something to eat at the moment so I cant" and the 2nd time he said, "well we're going out for the day and i dont kno when we will be back". He said he didnt tell me he was coming as he wanted it to be a suprise for his son!!!

I really dont know what to do for the best - I dont want my son to see him due to the way his father treated him. I have also had DS crying saying that daddy doesnt love him as he doesnt call - I have told xp that he needs to call him often and regularly to build up a relationship but instead of behaving like a 38 year old man he behaves like a teenager and doesnt make the effort. On the other hand I dont want to deny my son the chance of seeing his father -

I know that I have to make the decision as to what is best for my son but I could do with some advice as to what you would do!!

Your poor DS - his father sounds so extremely immature that he doesn't deserve to have a son! difficult to know what to advise, as obviously your son should have the opportunity to have a relationship with his father. All I can suggest is that you give him an ultimatum and tell him that either he makes an arrangement to see his son at a particular time and date and KEEPS to it, and also treats him with the respect, understanding and kindness he deserves as a four year old child, or he should just forget it. After all, who IS the adult here?

If he really still can't make the effort, then it'll be his loss in the end, as a time will come when DS refuses to have anything further to do with him.

Sounds like he's showing off to his new partner.

You've offered and he's turned it down twice, so, as I see it, the ball's in his court now. Let him ring and make an offer. It seems like you do all the running around for him.

Have you told your son he's here? I wouldn't mention it unless something is definately organised in case he lets him down again.

However,if a reasonable meeting can be arranged, maybe the right thing would be to help your son to see him this time. He may behave better in front of new partner, but no guarantees.

hmm. not sure id want to put my child through that at such a young age. let him make an arrangement and be there but dont wait any longer than five mins. tell him you will not wait if he is late so he cant argue with you if you have gone by the time he arrives. id not tell my son. id just go and se if he turns up. if he does then quickly explain to your son that you weren't sure if his daddy was going to be there so didn't want to tell him incase it didn't happen. id stay with your son if i was you incase your ex says anything emotionally hurtful to him. especially if he has a partner with him as this will be a stranger to your son and make things uncomfortable with him. you could always keep a reasonable distance so your son knows you are there but can talk privately to his dad if he wants. i dont envy you. just shower that little boy in love.