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New relationship - is there some kind of etiquette?

12 replies

neva · 16/12/2008 21:22

Say you have been on 3 or 4 dates, each time your feelings for him growing stronger. During this time you have emailed or texted each other 4 or 5 times a week. Then, for the first time, you spend a night together. Would you expect him to text you the next day? After two days? Would you text him, just to say you'd had a nice time etc? In spite of mature years, hopelessly inexperienced at this type of thing. Thx.

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wintercitylover · 16/12/2008 21:35

sorry to say this but I would expect him to text me very quickly after spending night together.

If I didn't hear from him after a few days might send a bland text, testing the water but I think it's quite rude on his part not to text or contact you.

How was the night generally and what sort of vibes did you get from him?

brazenhussy · 16/12/2008 21:44

I don't think IME that men see texting the way we do. I text everyone frequently and always answer texts promptly as do most , if not all of my female friends but men can answer days later and think nothing of it at all.
I would be pissed off if I had been intimate with someone and they hadn't texted me pronto afterwards, but knowing me, I would have probably texted first anyway.

neva · 16/12/2008 21:57

Actually, wcl, it was a few hours rather than a whole night. We had a great time (I thought). He seemed v caring, as he has been throughout our little 'romance.' He has previously gone for several days without texting or emailing. I assumed it was because he is considerate and doesn't want to seem too pushy. Maybe he is wondering why I haven't texted him?! Maybe I am being old fashioned, expecting him to make contact first?

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brazenhussy · 16/12/2008 22:07

neva - never assume anything with men
send him a text.

wintercitylover · 16/12/2008 22:07

God it's hard. Don't know what I would do!

I usually end up doing the wrong thing as I seem to be clueless in these situations and veer between sitting around waiting or going completely overboard.

The person I saw after splitting with exH would txt about 5 minutes after leaving but I think in hindsight he might be unusual. We had a rather text intensive relationship.

Have not slept with anyone else since him but have found anyone I have been in contact with online has been very sporadic.

I just like to know where I stand and am sure you do.

Keep us posted.

brazenhussy · 17/12/2008 09:19

Have you heard anything neva?

kat57 · 17/12/2008 09:49

As one of mature years also (50), I know how nerve-wracking this sort of thing still is - I feel no different to a teenager in all things man-related. I would have expected some form of contact not too long afterwards but if you've always had a great time together it's perfectly appropriate to send him a light text to see how he is. And thank god you don't have to pick up the phone these days! Every man is different so give him the benefit of the doubt. But if he doesn't get back to you PDQ after you texting him, I'd think that rude and let it be.

ninah · 17/12/2008 09:53

actually I find all this gets harder as you get older, not easier. More aware of the pitfalls! oh to be 20 again and know there were hundreds more buses coming along etc

Tinkerbel6 · 17/12/2008 10:07

neva just send him a hello text, if he dont text you back within a day or so then you have your answer, maybe he is waiting for a text from you.

neva · 17/12/2008 18:27

kat 57 - yes this brings back memories of being 16. The phone was awful, especially for those of us who are a bit shy, so am really grateful for advent of text. Still scary, but guess it will have to be done...

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kat57 · 18/12/2008 09:15

And you simply have to tell us what happens!
If it doesn't work out, you'll just have to tell yourself he wasn't right and get back on out there. I got knocked off my horse loads of times but kept on getting back in the saddle and finally met the man of my dreams at age 50. Good luck.

neva · 18/12/2008 16:53

Sent him suitably bland text and got a nice one back in return. Feeling much better now! Kat57 you are an inspiration! Thanks for all wise words.

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