Question and help about custody and access

[owlhouser]

Just wondering, as my ex is getting some legal advice about visitation today.
He hasn't really seen the dcs for months, very unreliable, also will arrive drunk for visits, arrives drunk also even when they are in bed (not sure if he realises or expects me to wake them, but I don't let him in).
He has a police record (mostly caution type things) of a couple of domestic violence incidents towards me and some drink driving related charges.
My eldest dc doesn't want to see him, she is 12. She is afraid of his drinking behaviour - would her wishes/statement be taken into account.
I'm wondering what sort of access people think he would be granted.Would all the above be taken into account and have any bearing? I don't know if he will go through with it, I've always co operated and encouraged him to see the dc but he hasn't honestly been that interested. It is coincidence that almost the week before Christmas he pops up wanting "proper" access.

ps how quickly are these matters usually arranged? Is it a lengthy process?

Thank you!!

if you go to court it will be a long and very drawn out process. admitedly my case is a very complex one as DS has Sn and there was significant Dv, but i am now entering my 4th year of court proceedings.

if you are able to come to an agreement about contact via solicitors and negotiation i would advise you to do so.

Yes everything you have said will be taken into account if it went to court, and indeed your DD's wishes would be considered given that she is of an age where she is capable of allowing her feelings to be known.

you will probably be given an apointment with a CAFCASS officer who will speak to you all individually. she will then make a report to court given her findings and offering her advice on the best way to move forward.

as for level of access, that depends on how hard both sides fight. i would suggest allowing him to take them out one day a month for a trial period so that he can prove his commitment to the arrangment.

if he fails then it will leave fewer chances for disapointment for the Dc.

I'd rather after all the trouble we've had that he only had minimal supervised access where I no longer have to see him.
At the moment (when he has visited that is) he comes to our house and sits with the dcs. He has no transport and nowhere to take them as he lives in a shared house on a sofa bed.
It certainly does sound a lengthy process, so this means in the interim there is NO contact until all decided? I hope I don't come across as bitter (okay I probably am) but after all he's put us through I feel a little relieved.
I am glad my eldest wouldn't be forced to see him against her wishes - she has witnessed his behaviour too many times and heard him decribe how much he hates her (I suspect because she is old enough to be aware of his behaviour as she is an excellently behaved, loving. child I am blessed to have)

You certainly don't need to let him into the house for contact. He should be collecting them from the doorstep and taking them out, eg cinema, bowling, laserquest, or to Mc Donalds if he's sking.

there is no contact order in place so yes you can refuse contact until there is one.

supervised contact is very difficult to arrange and incredibly expensive.
it is never seen as a long term option and most judges would only consider it for a short period of around 6 months.

He doesn't need to take them back to his home to have contact. he could take them bowling/cinema/soft play/zoo etc.

could you ask afamily member or friend to facilitate contact. they would just need to be there for the handover and collection

There is no family member of or friend who could help with contact, we are in a relatively new area and don't have anybody remotely near the area.
We have four dc three of whom are under five he hasn't ever taken them further than a walk to the local park (once, including before the split)). I cannot for a moment imagine he would negotiate public transport to take them to soft play area etc.

I would be happiest with the supervised contact, if he did prove himself reliable in this method then I don't suppose I would/could object to him having this relaxed. I just want them to be safe, at the moment he cannot be trusted to stay sober.
Don't get me wrong, despite my bitterness I would love some help with the dc, I work from home and am pregnant with our fifth child.
At the moment it seems the less stressful option to not agree to contact unless done formally and safely. However long that takes. I also hope if done via a court it might encourage him to pull himself together.