AM I A MONEY-GRABBER?

[milkmonster]

My partner (although I plan to leave him in the new year) claims jobseeker's allowance and has been unemployed the six years I've been with him, possibly not had a job since he left uni save a couple of deadenders such as market research/street surveys. He exists frugally and also from his (undeclared) ebay earnings which can vary £1000 a month to nothing at all the next month. He doesn't save. We are age 40 and 42.

We don't live together and he only provides the minimum £5 a week automatically taken from his dole money by the CSA. He doesn't offer a penny more. He refuses to ever work again in order not to have to pay more for his children (19 months and one on the way). He owns his house, I live in rented. He won't sell his house or enable us all to live in it together (he's a hoarder, it's a mental condition before you ask means no it will never be possible to live in same house as someone like that).

What I'd like to know is, do most women in my situation settle happily for the minimum contribution of £5, or if there is a possibility they could obtain more, for example because my partner owns his own home outright (which benefits agency class as 'income', although I don;t know how they figure that if the house is effectively uninhabitable due to junk and rubbish he can hardly renti it out for income or sell it ) and also his ebay earnings, they might attempt that?

He doesn't believe in financially supporting his children he's already said the taxpayers can do that because I claim Income Support so would not agree to helping me with a penny more, but I would find it a huge help for instance if he offered to pay for creche 5 days a week (£13 a week) so I could get some 'me time', as my family live 200 miles away so I have no friends or support here. Yet I keep reading on forums single mums in similar circustances to me are receiving up to £150 a month from their ex-partners and I'm wondering if I'm getting diddled?

I've already researched childcare costs and am planning my future in order to go to work once the new baby is a few years old and can see I need some serious savings in place for that, which I was hoping more contributions from my partner would assist with. Am I a 'money grabber' by thinking of ways to get him to offer more financial assistance?
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Am I missing something? If he is your partner why are you going through the CSA?

You might be asked all the same questions again.

He claims benefits so CSA involvement is automatic.

why have you reposted this?
TROLL
Did you not like the answers you were getting on the relationship thread?

''why have you reposted this?
TROLL
Did you not like the answers you were getting on the relationship thread?'

NOB. Get an education.
It's posted on this board TOO because it's more relevant to the board heading. Go and Chat on ebay forums, they love bullies like you.

Erm, my education is apparent by the letters after my name

don;'t imagine why there was anyneed for such aggression there MM.

I hope you're suitably embarrassed by your silly accusation little lambie.

lol at NOB,

milky, you are not helping your case any,

this man sounds awful,

when are you going to leave him?

Well I don't know what the letters after your name might be but calling her a troll is a bit premature and rude imo. We are supposed to be supportive here...

You're right, I apologise on little lambies behalf for their prejudice.

Lambie, the full Thread was begun on Relationships board,it's repeated here for the more specific advice and different views I might receive from viewers on this board. I apologise for calling lamb a nob, but they called me a Troll first!

milky,

dont apologise on her behalf,

she can say what she wants when she wants,

and in my opinion, your post was questionable,

probabally down to lack of detail,

so, when and how do you plan to leave him?

it sounds like a dreadful situation,

when is your new baby due?

can we help you with anything?

I think milky is just getting stressed by some reponses on here, we need to support her not accuse her of being a troll.

Anyone can say what they want, but they can also be corrected when their facts are wrong.

All the facts are in my opening Question, along with help readers might be able to offer.

The baby is due June 09

I'm not stressed.
However, I dont like people referring to my past posts, as it then clouds judgement on current posts.

For example if I'm a veggie and post about it, then someone drags up that old post about vegetarianism and juxtaposes it against a new thread about how I love mcdonalds hamburgers, and they start ranting 'CONTRADICTION!' and it just confuses people.

i am now posting on the other thread,

cant keep up with two

Sorry milkmonster I will ask to get my previous post pulled.

Sorry milk was just trying to help. You do seem quite angry and stressed and having been on the reciving end of some rather harsh judgements the others week I can sypathise.

Hope you find a solution to this.

Thanks for views everyonem, I'll re-post thread on a money-subject board instead

I tried to post earlier then computer crashed.
I posted the same thing on a couple of boards for similar reasons - I wanted to get a wide range of opinions / help.
I had a similar response - someone helpfully said that they would be able to help but was concerned that I was not a regular (I am but in limited areas).
I think people were looking for background information.
It is also difficult to follow a couple of threads on the same thing.
I did try to search your name but wasn't able to see other threads you are on (maybe my lack of knowledge on how to do this).
In light of the abuse you have mentioned I think moving away would be best and I agree with other posters that forget the money just find yourself some happiness.

I think you have had an answer to your actual question? Regarding claiming more money - a few people have said you wont be able to.
There is a good MNetter - 'mumoverseas' and they have excellent knowledge in this area.
BTW IMO it is very unfair that you soon to be xp is being very unfair.
Good luck.

milkmonster if he is claiming benefits then he only has to pay £5 per week, if he is ebaying and seeing a profit then you need to inform the benefits agency and the inland revenue, his house is capital not income and he has to house himself somewhere, im afraid that you have to accept that he wont financially support his children.