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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

really nervous. ex dh will be attending something for dd today

22 replies

MincePirate · 09/12/2008 11:26

and it will be the first time we have done anything like this in 4 yrs.

It's the nativity. It's only me and him, and he's been an arse for 4 yrs. I am very happy for dd, as she hasn't seen him much this year.

I also will freely admit, that i still have feelings for him, moreso to do with the fact we share a dd, and i know how emotional the play will be.

Having to sit next to him is going to be weird. He's so elusive that noone will even know who he actually is!!

OP posts:

Original poster

MincePirate · 09/12/2008 11:29

dd is very happy tho obviously.

OP posts:

Original poster

MincePirate · 09/12/2008 12:53

well only half an hour to go!! i think this is more of a self help style thread

OP posts:

jumpingbeans · 09/12/2008 12:55

good luck,

mankymummy · 09/12/2008 12:56

Smile, act happy and revel in your superiority !!!

Aimsmum · 09/12/2008 12:57

Message withdrawn

Megglevache · 09/12/2008 12:58

OOOOOh what is she going to be?

When you get back let us know how it went.

Even if it's awful (which I'm sure it won't be no matter how much of an arse he is) We can all have a giggle with you about it after!

Original poster

MincePirate · 09/12/2008 16:15

it was ok. I felt a bit teary. He CRIED, was wiping the tears away on the quiet. I was . She was a narrator and then in the band. She had to play the hand chimes for away in a manger, and thats when it got a bit emotional.

He went pretty sharpish. I miss him, i want my family back, but thats just ridiculous. It was so weird seeing friends, and them seeing him. I wanted to say 'look, look' I did once have a husband you know !!

OP posts:

Megglevache · 09/12/2008 16:24

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

It sounds like you're a bit teary yourself.

LOL at your ex getting teary- I take it that was a surprise

Original poster

MincePirate · 09/12/2008 16:29

we've never shared anything special to do with dd, and it's just not how i planned it, and it still cuts deep.

thanks for your replies meggle.

we get in really well, outside of the box which is 'him and his new wife' and 'the divorce' and 'him being a twat'. I don't think i'll ever understand why he left.

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Megglevache · 09/12/2008 17:02

I'm glad that he went for your little DD MincePirate, blimey she had the best role.

Focus, take a deep breath and try to imagine how he scratches his sweaty balls and trumps wearing his nasty pants on their sofa.....You don't really want him back do you?

All will be good again....

I promise.

Original poster

MincePirate · 09/12/2008 17:10

thanks, you are kind. i just feel a bit . and he looked nice.

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NowICanSpellGeansaiNollaig · 09/12/2008 17:11

MP, I know what you mean, although I wouldn't sit next to my x under any circumstances (he was abusive and controlling), BUT I am something like happy for my dd when her own friends and their parents see that she HAS got a Dad. Even though he's an arse.

Belindaa · 09/12/2008 17:45

Well done on getting through the play....
And congrats on not lowering yourself to grovelling to him, stroking his arm or latching on to his legs and crying like a baby!
Keep your chin up...

Belindaa · 09/12/2008 17:46

Oh and p.s, i bet she looked adorable, beaming from ear to ear because you both were there...x

Megglevache · 09/12/2008 18:35

Sweaty balls MP, sweaty balls under that nice outfit.

Belindaa · 09/12/2008 19:20

Sweaty balls crawling with crabs...... lol(sorry!!)

Aimsmum · 09/12/2008 21:08

Message withdrawn

moondog · 09/12/2008 21:09

He cried???

So he should if he hasn't been around for her this year.

Parenting well is about a lot more than getting weepy at a sentimental show.

Original poster

MincePirate · 10/12/2008 07:45

absolutely moongdog. I don't understand peole's ability (hi) to switch off, and in the interim actually cuase hurt to your own child.

that weaknessis theone thing that keeps me above any grovelling, any tears in fornt of him and it;s a firm reality check.

she was delighted her dad was there. Yet we had the fall out lastnight at bedtime that she misses him, and wants him to come home. its catch 22.

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Original poster

MincePirate · 10/12/2008 07:45

'people's abilty (HIM)'

sorry its too early!

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mrsmharkTHEHERALDANGELSSINGet · 10/12/2008 10:50

(((((((((((((mp))))))))))))

i get the same from dd, i have been lp for over a year now and altho he an arse he does see her twice a week. he not an ideal dad tho.
the only way i can think of to get round it when dd says this, is to say to her she can phone him when she wants and that sometimes he's at work.

hope it goes well xx

ELOB · 07/01/2009 19:56

yes. only been separated since nov but did lots of research on children and divorce etc. the do's and don'ts. did everything by the book and children (all 3 very young,eldest 6) have all been fantastic as contact with their dad is regular and often.(2-3 nights a week) and lives close by. we have read childrens books on the subject and talked and discussed things without pointing any blame. we deicided to do all christmas events together as a family since the split was so close, we felt for this year it was important and this included christmas day. was really and still am really chuffed how we managed all that. however, and here's the crunch. although my eldest and my 4 year old understand we are living in separate homes etc. understand what divorce is etc, my eldest daughter asked why i had never slep at daddys house, pointing out there is a spare bed there. she also just burst into tears last night because mummy wasn't coming to daddies house with them. she also asked why i wouldn't do another surprise party for her daddys birthday, pointing out that it was a PARTY so we didn't have to argue. i now realise that her little brain is slowly realising exactly what splitting up really means. time for more chats i feel, but yes i often wish my children could have the family they have a right to but it is never going to happen.

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