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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Do you have set times/days when ex can phone dcs?

15 replies

inthemistsoftime · 05/12/2008 11:47

Hi am very recently a single parents and am just getting my head around how everything works.

I find it difficult to talk on the telephone to ex so I have asked him to txt me when he wants to talk to the children.

But it has been 3 times this week!

Should I tell him that he can ohone the dcs on maybe Tuesday and Thursday even at ..... and then on the weekends he doesn't have the children, maybe on a Sat evening.

What do you guys do?

OP posts:

ohappydays · 05/12/2008 11:55

Working these things out in the early days is very difficult as everything is so raw.
As long as their dad isn't abusive, for the Dad to keep in close contact over the phone can only help the children. Could you put the answer phone on and explain as soon as you pick up the message you will get the child to phone back - you dial and hand it straight over. Then they have contact and you dont have to speak to him. It their older [11 plus ] could he ring on them on their mobile. Good luck

ErnestTheBavarian · 05/12/2008 12:02

How amny times have you spoken to your children this week, or in the avaerage week?

I'm shocked you seem to think it excessive of him to want to speak to his kids 3 times a wek. Poor guy. I obviously don't know ins and outs of break up, butI cannot imagine splitting with my dh and suddenly not being able to live with my kids any more - must be heart breaking, never mind not being allowed to phone and speak more than a couple of times a week

Anna8888 · 05/12/2008 12:03

DSSs have their own mobile each. Solves a lot of problems IMO.

Original poster

inthemistsoftime · 05/12/2008 12:30

Ernest, I should explain that I have been the main carer for the dcs for about 4 yrs as the ex worked away from home most of the time.

Even then he was never good at speaking to the children on the phone so for me, him suddenly wanting to is a big change.

I agree that he should have as much contact as possible for the childrens sake, but how much contact is enough?

OP posts:

ErnestTheBavarian · 05/12/2008 12:50

sorry, I really wasn't having a dig at you. Just musing really. One of dh best friends just got divorced. He didn't want to. He had to leave. He's devastated at the loss of his family and children. So it's just a bit fresh and poignant.

but really nto having a go, just putting a thought across.

Do you have caller id? can you see if it's him, and if so, just get the kids to answer? Or let them have a mobile, juuts for use at home if you don't want them out & about with one?

Not been in this postiion, so not sure. Is it a good idea for you to even suggest amount, one way or other. Just enable contact and leave it to them how much?

Surfermum · 05/12/2008 13:12

I agree with Ernest. If you start saying he can only phone on certain days he might get annoyed, and I can understand why. It isn't nice to have someone else dictate whether and when you can speak to your own children.

Have you got caller id so you can hand the phone straight to them? Are they old enough to use a mobile?

ElenorRigby · 05/12/2008 13:19

DSD speaks on the phone to which ever parent she is not with every evening

Pinkchampagne · 05/12/2008 13:28

No, ex H can phone the boys as often as he likes. He doesn't tend to ring them that often, but I don't have a problem with him phoning as often as he likes. The boys miss him, so it is good for them to talk to him when they can't see him. We are pretty amicable though.

wintercitylover · 05/12/2008 13:48

Mine rings whenever he likes. He tends to restrict when he talks to them though as sometimes if they ring him and it's not convenient then he doesn't answer his phone.

Original poster

inthemistsoftime · 05/12/2008 13:53

the dcs know that they can phone him any time they wish and I tell them this almost every other day.

They don't seem to be bothered if they speak to him or not, I know it is just a habit but I don't want them to feel presurised into calling him.

Even though we have split up it isn't that different for the dcs but it is for him as he is now on his own (his choice)

As things are fairly raw for me I am inclined to let the children decide, not him and not me, would that be fair?

OP posts:

StewieGriffinsMom · 05/12/2008 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

elastamum · 05/12/2008 22:34

H calls them every night, sometimes we talk to each other, other times my DS1 will get the phone so I leave him to it. Have just found out he hasnt paid his first maintenance payment so tomorrows call should be interesting

GypsyMoth · 10/12/2008 14:50

my ex always forgets to call.....its now court ordered,but he forgot the first call last week!!!

he used to call,but having the 4 kids all sat in waiting was hard work. especially in summer when they wanted to be out playing etc. will have to find another solution now they are all older. even cafcass said phone contact isn't the best way......but what else is there when he decided to chase a bit of skirt 260 miles away??

Belindaa · 10/12/2008 15:48

My dd's dad has just decided he wants to talk to her every night(after 9 years of not bothering!), but since he hasnt got the cash for the calls, he's texting her on my mobile, which is a pain, particularly when it's near her bed time... and he doesn't want me to see the texts.... dd has her own phone but he doesn't get free texts to her network... maybe he should have thought of that before he bought the sodding thing!
Roll on when he has the cash to call, it's bloody annoying with the texts...

ELOB · 05/01/2009 22:04

right from the very beginning the children knew that their daddy was moving out and where he was moving to and they spent his first 2 nights at the new house with him. he lives only a few miles away and so contact has been very close. they stay over between 2 and 3 nights a week and phone their daddy every morning when they get up and every night before bed and once or twice a day as well. so in comparison to yourself, im right at the other end of the scale! he wanted to get a mobile for my eldest who is only 6 which i was not happy with and didn't see the point as id only end up in control of the phone anyway. i do have caller display on the phone so i can see when it is him. i also told our children that they can speak to their daddy anytime they want and wrote down his numbers on the notice board so they can recognise when it is him and can phone him themselves. they ask first of course. i also have a 4 year old and an 18 month old so obviously its mainly just the 6 year old. she has memorised his number.

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