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young single mum to 15 month old and 7 month preg, dnt think ill cope!

13 replies

missxvamp · 04/12/2008 14:25

hi im jessica im 21 im a single mum to a 15 month old daughter and im nearly 7 months preg. everything is getting on top of me i have no friends my house is a mess i dont like going out alone unless i have to. i have no family no help no nothing. i have got nothing ready for my new daughter 2 be. im in serious debt already i cant even afford xmas gifts 4 my daughter. i dont know what 2 do i keep crying and everything is going wrong im scared i dont think ill cope when baby born. i want a house swap 2 a nice flat but thats never gonna happen b4 baby born i was in middle of a swap but the other person fucked me of coz she found elsewhere this has left me in a mess and im struggling 2 think how ill cope now the place i was gonna get was perfect like a proper dream place it was lovely. im worried n depressed n sick of everything i dont know what 2 dooo???????

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DLI · 04/12/2008 15:39

hi jessica, have you spoken with your midwife? she may be able to help. i think you should look at the situation differently. Instead of seeing a messy house, a nice flat you nearly had and being in debt look at it this way, you have a lovely daughter and soon to be two lovely daughters. Your daughter is still very young and wont fully understand that at christmas you get presents. dont get into more debt to give her lots, a few simple things will make the difference. Contact social services. they may be able to put you in touch with organisations that may be able to help, some organisations collect toys etc for children in need. they may be able to help refer you to some one who can help with your debts. Say to yourself you have a roof over your head that is yours and not everyone has their dream home, especially at your age. I am 30 now and still dont have the house that I want. If you look at things positive you can sort things out. You say you have no family? Is your mum/dad dead? You really do need to think positive, are there any baby and todller groups you can go to? its a great way to meet new mums, sure start usually have loads to do. that is where my new network of friends started.

SilverSparkle · 04/12/2008 16:12

Hi Jessica, Its never easy being a single parent with kids that are so young but it must be tough as you too are still so young. However, as DLI has said, don't focus on the negative side of everything, try and see the positives in your life right now and i'm sure there are plenty.

I was also single whilst pregnant with my 2nd child and the age difference between my 2 DS is almost the same as it will be between your DD's and trust me, it all works out, you will be ok.

I know right now life must be hard but there are people who can help you. Try speaking to your midwife or your health visitor and if they don't hav the asnwers i'm sure they'll know who does.

Take care of yourself.

missxvamp · 05/12/2008 14:44

thanks 4 your comments and yes i have spoken 2 health visitor she said she will get supposrt 4 me etc. i love my daughter 2 bits but apart from her and my bump and my sister etc there r no other positives. i really aont got ny mates i spend most my time tryin 2 make sum ova the net which i easily do its jus in the flesh i find it really hard becos im shy and everything. my house is fine its just untidy n i jus never seem 2 get round 2 doin it all properly so things build up and then i think well fuk it im sure it will get clean soon lol. its jus simple stupid stuff lol like i hav no hoover or brush etc atm no washin up liquid its them silly things that get me down coz i hateeeeeeeee mess but i cant clean it up properly lol. i jus wanted a new start with my 2 daughters ya c and that flat i lost was perfecttt no stairs and really safe n everything. im trying 22 figure out now how me n my sis could live 2gether so i need a 3 bed house or flat now i hope we find summat soon. as 4 social services i dnt wanna get involoved wit them as there useless as sum ppl may know. i hav home start which is a volunteer place where someone helps u etc but the lady i got verr rarely bothrs wwit me. im sure things will sumhow work out im just a real worrier u c.

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SilverSparkle · 05/12/2008 15:56

If the woman from homestart isn't much help would it be possible to get someone else in her place?

Why have you got no washing up liquid? If you can't afford it, just by the cheapest that you can afford, it'll get the job done.

It will all fall into place. So many of us have been there but in the end it does somehow all work out. You need to be strong and positive for your daughter and the baby you are carrying.

2pt4kids · 05/12/2008 16:05

Have you heard of a website called Freecycle? Look up your local one and you might be able to get a few toys and possibly a hoover from there if any come up... these sorts of things have come up on my local one.
I'd try and change your homestart person too, it would be much better for you to have someone who will actually help you!
My friend had a homestart helper and she came to her house every week and played with the children for a couple of hours while my friend cleaned and tidied the whole house without worrying about the children..

duchesse · 05/12/2008 16:28

Dear girl, you sounded terribly stressed.

Firstly, your little daughter doesn't NEED any expensive presents, or even any presents at all this Christmas. Babies of that age are very happy with a big cardboard box and a load of kitchen utensils. She will not remember this Christmas anyway. I know you want everything to be perfect, but you are really tired and struggling and something has to give. She won't mind!! There may be a toy library near you where you can borrow toys, even big ones, for a week for a very small fee. Babies lose interest in individual toys very quickly anyway, so changing them every week would suit you both.

I am more worried about you. Remember that nobody feels that well at 7.5 months pregnant, and please try to rest when your little girl naps. You will feel a lot better and more positive and strong once you have got past the newborn stage with the little one. The age gap between your daughters will not be large, and it will be hard work at first, but the rewards of having sisters so close together in age will make it all worth while.

As others have said, do you have contact with your local homestart? If you do not have a support network around you, having access to ladies whose children are past this really labour intensive stage can help bring perspective.

Think of the positives: You are having your children while your body is at peak fitness, you will be a young and fit mum to them once you've bounced back from the birth, and you can train for a career without way feeling older than the students who've gone on straight from school. The important thing to remember is that your little girls will be a delight to you, however bad things seem may seem now. Hang in there, and do not be afraid to ask for help. Everybody needs help.

Idrankthechristmasspirits · 05/12/2008 16:44

Can i offer some advice about the debt?
Duchesse has given you some fantastic advice in her post and i hope you can take it on board.

If you have debts and a very low income or are on benefits then you really need to speak to your local CAB or a charity called CCCS.
Both can give you free and impartial debt advice to help you to get it sorted and move on. Having unmanageable debts is so difficult, it causes so much stress but there are ways to sort it out and there are people who can help.

I wish you and your little one + bump all the best. Hope to see you posting again soon. x x

duchesse · 07/12/2008 22:02

Hi vamp,
How are things? I hope you are feeling a little better. It occurred to me to ask if you are maybe anaemic- that would make you feel very tired and potentially overwhelmed.

moosh · 08/12/2008 10:06

Hi missxvamp
A relative of mine volunteers for Homestart and she is great at her role, it might just be a case of changing your volunteer missxvamp. You may find that if you change the volunteer you may get one that you will click with and they may really support you at a time like now.
Xmas presents you can get things for £1.00 at sweet counters and £1 shops, stickers, cartoon magazines. Your daughter is tiny and would be happy with anything.
Goods thing you come on here, everyone will want to look out for you. Your young and have your whole life ahead of you. It may seem daunting now, but you will get thorugh it. There have been times when I couldn't see a light at the end of a very long dark tunnel.... I'm not out of the woods yet but I'm slowly getting there. And the same will happen to you.

missxvamp · 08/12/2008 18:09

ummm yeahh lol i am anemic but midwife 4got 2 give me nyfin 4 it lol sooooo i guess its gettin 2 late now i only got 2 month left of pregnancy. also i do like my homestart worker n i wud fee awful if i changed her she wud reallllyyyyy b mad at me wudnt she. buttt yet agen i cudnt go shoppin 2day as she put it if umm does nyone know anything about gettin A double payment before xmas for benifits?? im rather worried u c ill put a new post up nyway. my daughter aint well either another ear infection its awfully annoying lol. umm ill cope i have 2 its so nice that theres ppl on here who actually take the time 2 reply 2 me 2 make me feel better if only i had friends like that in the flesh it gets soooooo lonely u c.

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kormaisforlifenotjustchristmas · 08/12/2008 18:20

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

missxvamp · 08/12/2008 19:43

i have sorted out some stuff already i just hav a prob wit rubbish now lol the bin men only come every 2 week i hav about 30 bags of rubbish lol im tryin 2 get my gran 2 take me 2 a tip 2 put all rubbish in it coz there is loads i wanna throw away u see. my house really aint all that bad ya know its jus lil things that get on my nerves its mostly clutter etc lol if u came in my house u wud prob think why the hell she moaning lol see the mess is hidden lol ya know iin cupbards or under bed lol coz i jus hav no room. which is why i wanted 2 move to this flat that was much bigger ya see. i will sort stuff out and its very rare i aint got cleanin stuff lol im jus struggling atm coz of xmas and bills cumin out rite before the 25th ya see they dont hav make ya skint lol. umm im of shopping wit my gran 2moz we hav started tlkin a bit more she helps but goes on n on at me alot 2. see i hav like lots piercings in my face and she doesnt like it n we argue etc lol. im goin my sisters 4 xmas nyway jus gotta get ssum help of my gran 2 take my hoover n travel cot n other stuff. umm i admit i do let things build up as 4 the debt situation well i cant pay wat i dnt hav sooo not much can do bout that really. my laptop bein realll slow atm so i wont say nymore lol u all prob think im moaning lol.

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duchesse · 10/12/2008 11:50

You can't expect your gran to like the same things you like! (almost certainly wouldn't want her to!) It doesn't matter if you argue about the piercings- she still loves you I'm sure. Just say "Life would be boring if we all liked the same things, Gran" and leave it at that.

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