Ex being a complete idiot-I want to scream and shout but have noone to scream and shout to!

[Pawslikepaddington]

I know I've given my circs before, but ex-p left me for OW when dd was 2 months, He was violent, alcoholic, took the house from me as I stupidly left to go to my mums, and I rebuilt myself. Am now at Cambridge. Last year I was caring for my mum with Leukaemia, so was taking dd to see him (500 miles round trip) every 2nd weekend. I haven't done this this year, as I now have nowhere to stay, as mum died so I can't stay in her house anymore and so have to drive home the same night, so it would be a 1,000 mile round trip every 2nd weekend. I used to take the train, but you change twice, and cold stations at 10pm on a sun night with a lo are not a nice thing. He has never once come down to see her. He does not pay maintenance, he does not re-imburse for petrol/train tickets. He wanted to work out xmas, and I told him he had to come down and see her (he has not been in touch for over two months, and just screamed down the phone at me trying to twist it on to me not ringing him, but he had changed his mobile no so I couldn't possibly have done so). He has now screamed at me, telling me that I am ruining dd's life by not letting her see him (last time she came back she told me daddy was "junk" with his head in a bucket all night, and then the next day she watched tv while daddy and his girlfriend were in bed, until she came home and forgot to give her lunch.) She is so much more settled now she isn't seeing him, and he says I am discriminating against him. I want to bar his number and never speak to/see him again, or at least until dd says that she wants to. He also says I am discriminating against him because he is broke and not "rich" like me (careful with my money more like!), when he works full time, and I am on a student loan paying £600 a month in rent (I'm not entitled to HB). I have told him if he books his tickets early enough it is £18 return on the train, and he can stay in the house as I have friends here that I can stay with. I also refuse to make myself ill tearing up and down the country every 2nd weekend, when dd doesn't want to see her dad anyway, when I am worn out enough as it is, without that being added to it. I am so angry it is untrue-and so sick of being on my own with no chance of a break!

Can someone just say "he is an idiot"? Please? I have no one to ring/talk to about this in rl, so feel really lonely!

He is a twat. You have done more than your fair share in the past to facilitate his relationship with your child. He needs to grow up.

He is a complete prick. You have done far more than anyone else would have.

What a child. It is his responsibility to see her, not yours. If he won't make the effort then enjoy the fact thay you now know your dd is being cared for safely (and not by a drunken idiot)

Thank you. I feel really bad, as they only other friend I have going through something similar went through much worse, and more recently, but has a mum and a partner to talk to about it, whereas I only have dd, and that is hardly feasable!

I feel really bad, as in I can't offload on her as she has been through so much worse so I look pathetic

Of course he is an idiot (putting it mildly) - you don't need to pay his train fare or put your DD in the hands of someone who treats her without due care.

You have done nothing wrong.

He is fuckwitcuntbucket of the highest order.

Hang up on him when he shouts at you. Do not facilitate the contact anymore. Let him sort it out and if he is working get on to the CSA.

You have done enough. You do not have to put up with this.

Please try and think more of yourself.

Thank you all. I have made sure her weekends here are fun-she rides, does ballet and swimming, goes to parties, and has a fun 4 year old's life. She shouldn't have to be finding her own lunch or listening to her dad throw up or have sex with his girlfriend, but he has shaken me so much with all his shouting and horrid comments about my parenting-I have a very short fuse with her and I know that, but I can control it most of the time-that doesn't mean she is better off without me

I'm really sorry, I have to go and pick dd and her friend up. I'll be back on later though. You have all cheered me so much, thank you.

Oh dear God I'm surprised you're still sane after all that. He is a complete and utter tosser.

Don't back down now - you've been more than accommodating and reasonable. If he has issues with the situation, he can see you in court - where he would be laughed at. You've done bloody well - now stick to your guns.

(I want to say "You Go Girl!" but feel I'm too old )

Thank you. I know I am not ruining her life by not taking her up there all the time, but she is so desperate for a father figure around that I feel really bad that she doesn't have one IYSWIM. However, after giving her a pretty bad biological dad, I will make sure I hold out for a darn good father figure! Have calmed down a lot and filed it away under his loss, but thank you all for being there, I am so angry at him for constantly being such a slime ball and for constantly trying to prey on the guilt I feel for her not having a dad around, but why should I be made to feel guilty, when it was his actions that left me in a battered women's clinic FGS!! Sorry, anger boiled up a bit there