Used to be a lone parent. Not anymore. New H has made our life worse!

[fizzyhead]

Right, I used to be a single parent and I met my H when the girls were 5 and 3.

I fell in love like mad, had more fun with him than ever before in my life. He adored the girls (didn't have any of his own and was 30 years old then).

Anyway, fast forward 9 years and the girls are now 15 and 13. Not so cute anymore.

We have a child of our own, who is 4, and H who is a disaster around the house (empty beer bottles, ashtrays, wine rings all over the furniture, shoes in the middle of the corridor all weekend, wet towels hanging from banister, etc etc etc) anyway, H shows a lot of cotempt towards the girls, hardly ever shows them any affection, points out their faults at every opportunity etc.

He's not even that good a father with our child anyway. His life is good, buzzing career, travels abroad for work, has several gym memberships..... So being at home to put the rubbish out or help with bath time is the least of his concerns.

So there, if I could turn back the clock..... Believe me, I think I rather go back to that single mother status. In fact, I know I will, only with 3 children this time.

Not happy ending for this "fairy tale"....

Oh babes, what can I say.

Eeek.
Is it fixable?

sorry for you fizzyhead.
that's why i dont want any men in my life.

Well, the thing is, I'll have to stick with this situation for a while.

I'm not strong enough at the moment to go through the whole legal thing, who stays in the house, arranging maintenance.... Gosh NO.

Also, the being alone side of it, it terrifies me!

Anyone gets the feeling that they are the losers in all this?

I'll be left to bring up 3 children with all the happiness, satisfaction and struggle that comes with it, while he just gets his freedom back! Yeeeeeeah! He'll have the freedom to date as many women as he wants, to dump as many women as he wants, to go drinking/dinning, theatre/gym whatever after work and he'll know exactly where and what i'll be doing!

Gosh! It makes me feel.... I don't know, it infuriates me!

Does anyone feel like this? Do I sound very insecure???????

If your H is this much of an arse, you will feel a whole lot happier once you are rid of him. It's much better to be single than to be coupled to a partner who is a drain on your time, energy and resources. ANd if you have been married to him, he will not be able to walk away without contributing financially to your DC's upkeep.

Oh! Believe me solidgoldbrass, he is much worse of an arse than what I have described...

But he's all the family I got.

No parents, no sibblings.

I do have quite a lot of friends though.

But they are all happily married and obviously will not be able to keep me company in the evenings

that' s what worries me about having another man move in. Better to be a bit lonely than be in a crap relationship imo

Sorry it has turned out like this.

If your happily married friends are so tragically couple-centric that the price of their friendship is you staying in an unpleasant,failed relationship, then they are a bunch of fuckwits not worth wasting your time on.
Yes, stupid people in couple-relationships won't mix with single people in case intelligence being single might turn out to be catching, but it's really no fun being friends with morons like that.

Honestly, if your partner is an arse, get rid of the partner and things will be soooooo much better. You can make new friends, for a start.

I don't quite know what to say, you know what you have to do. You know you'll be happier in the long run. So sorry that it worked out like this for you.

I have just split up from my childrens father, leaving me a single mother of 2 under 5's. It's not easy but you know that. It's actually easier than what it was when I had their dad here. One of the most frustrating things for me is knowing that he is having a life, doing what he wants to do and I have no freedom. I can put up with that though knowing that I am giving the girls a happier life.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do x