is basically what the solicitor told me yesterday!
we split up in sept 2007, he went away with the lads came home and said I don't love u I want a divorce. subsequently came to light he's been seeing someone else (OW) for about 6 months prior to this incl being up with her (althou this is my suspicions - funny as he was there on a 'course' with one other apparently while I was at home having a m.c literally) and when I asked him to stay behind n someone else to go I was told 'well that's not fair on them to stitch them up - erm wife m.c tosser. anyhow.
our whole relationship he's been verbally/emotionally abusive, controlling, manipulative, physically abusive at times.
We have HUGE debts all int he name of his materialism & basically spending spending and more spending to keep up with what other people have.
my personal opinion on him is he wants some who will hang on his every word and worship him (I didn't/couldn't - DS etc) h3e wants all focus & attention on him, anyhow the whole time we were together i've struggled alone to get everything I have and fought hard for it all. and sorted out his shit when he's made cock ups (ie re working the budgets so much all the tiem coos he can't handle his cash)
writing it down I can't beleive how bad things got - and this isn't it all.
anyhow it took a lot for me to get to the solicitors yesterday, and she assessed me for legal aid (which apparently I can have) but have to pay £50 per hour? - I can't bloody afford that!!!! I have a claim for maintenance spoucal maintenance NONE of his pension (which tbh is the bit that's pissed me off most - not that i'm a money grabbiing moo but to have the option of going after some of it) - after all in 12 years he'll get a lump sum of approx £100K plus approx £15K per year to live on) but apparently I get nothing cos of how long we were together - forget the fact I've followed him & his career all over the bloody country.
she pointed out i'm in a vunerable position (no shit sherlock) and as XH's name is on my lease if he chose to he could walk into this hosue when ever he wanted althou it's not his iycwim, hes never lived here etc etc.
so in september when we do go for it after the seperation for 2 years XH will ahve to pay (which he won't cos he can't afford it apparently) so that means I will - but then of course you have to go to mediation for the legal aid cert which XH won't do cos he's a nob. (has prev told me he won't do it)
she said I can divorce him on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour or adultery - neither he will admit so it's no good bothering with either.
so lets put this into perspective here - I've split form XH - left the marital home (married quarters) we have no assets between us - but a load of debts, (XH is paying those at the mo) I now have a shit credit record as a consequence, I'm struggling and yet again still fighting for everything here, and juggling everything while he's jsut picked up fucked off n not looked back - he gets to keep everyth0ing (I have the household possessions etc) but he can now go out & get brand new laptops etc etc etc and then bitch to me he has no money??? (erm well sell your bloody Xbox360 then or new laptop (he already has 1 and a main comp I might add.
Where is the justice and fairness in all of this???? is it right?? sorry it's a rant, and it prob is right but I mean yet again i'll be wiping his fucking arse if I want him out of my life - yet again I pay and sort it out/struggle on while he walks away a clean slate and gets away with everything.
I want this shit over and I want him out of my life for good (bit of course there's DS so he never will be fully) it really feels like i'm now having to pay him for the privalige of abusing me for so many years (we were together 8 in all)