So I had the Christmas play all sorted and then...advice needed please!

[ShyBaby]

Its dd's first ever Christmas play this year. I asked her dad if he was interested in coming (thought it might help with the bonding etc maybe stir some kind of emotion in the cold hearted baggage man...maybe, thought dd would like it etc).

So the letter has come and its two tickets per family, (not two per performance, just two)..more tickets may be available to buy later but there's no guarantee. Well now I was planning on going with him as he's never had her on his own yet, never been to the school etc. My mum usually comes with me to these sorts of things and im pretty sure she wont want to miss it, I had it in my head she would go to the other performance with grandad..

So if I cant get any more tickets what do I do? Take him so she can have her daddy there like most of the other kids...and he can get to see his first "first" (missed all the others), or take my mum who has been there from day one?

What do you all do? This has never been an issue before as ds's dad didn't bother with plays anyway.

and finally, a sneak AIBU at the end to ask them if they can let me know which performance we have been allocated to even though we wont get the tickets until a couple of days before because I have to book the time off work?

With my eldest ds, there are only 2 tickets per family too. This year is my first "single parent" year but I did ask my exp if he wanted to go. I feel as much as he annoys me, he should go too. He said he couldn't make it and would I record it for him. So I will and my mum is going to come instead.
Maybe you should ask your ex if he wants to go, and if not then take whoever you want to take. Thats my opinion maybe other mns opinions would be different.

He does want to go and im really pleased he's making an effort (quick explanation, she's nearly five, he only met her about 6 weeks ago after leaving us when I was 3 months pregnant, said he regrets what he did, wants to make up for it etc blah blah)...I really do want them to bond and thought things like this might help.

But my mum has always attended everything with me when he was gone. My scans, dd's birth...she's put up with dd's horrible tantrums, my tantrums , always helped me out getting her to nursery so I could go back to work etc...it wouldn't be fair to take this away from her now just because he's sauntered in.

If that makes more sense..probably not

It may be worth asking around for spare tickets, quite a few parents will ask for two, even if they are not sure if they will use both tickets their dh may not get the time off work.
Also my dc's school say two per family but you can also request extra, those extra tickets are drawn out of a hat so you ay or may not be lucky.

Check the times of the performances because though their are two foundation plays at our school one is for reception and morning nursery, while the other is reception and afternoon nursery. I am guessing that you dd is Nursery and moving to Reception in January - just like my dd.

there there there - I never get these muddled up

She is in reception, no January intake anymore, so there are two days we could go.

{whispers} I dont know any of the parents, I rush her in and then rush to work.

At ours it's 2 per family, but any spares are available on a first come first served basis, a few days beforehand. Maybe if you explained the situation, they could let you have a spare?

I'm sure they could let you know which day. There must be lots of parents who need to arrange time off.

If I were you id approach the secretary and explain your situation chances are she will give you an extra ticket on the side.

OUr school allocated 2 tickets per parent if the parents are separated. Might be worth asking if yours will do that do. Makes sense as there are so many people in this situation these days.

8shybaby: would consider what sparkle and Leslaki* advises and ring them up to explain your situation and say pretty please.

You have a lovely Mum!!! You're very blessed indeed. If I were you and you wouldn't get more tix, I'd take your Mum who's been your and dd's rock. The guy couldn't be arsed for 5 years If he wants to bond with dd he has to make a bit of an effort.

Thing is Alexa he is trying to make an effort now. You pull the rug out from him when he has been asked and already said yes then that could lead to all manner of complications. Yes it's disappointing if your mum can't go

Shybaby go into school today, ask to speak to the head teacher or head of year (someone more senior) and explain the situation. Say you understand extra tickets can be allocated and that as her father is so keen to come and this will be his first one is there any chance they could let you know right away if they have a spare ticket and it doesn't matter which day for, you'll take either.

If dad goes on his own and you go with your mum on a different day so be it.

Our school offer three tickets per family and a creche for preschool sibblings. But then the children have to do the performance 3 times to meet the 'demand'. Lots of people want extras, but then there are lots of people like myself who only need the one ticket... So you will find there are spare tickets out there. Just make sure you get more chance of your name being 'picked out of the hat'. Go and speak to someone at school and do it right away. If you delay tickets will get allocated elsewhere.

You do have to consider that this could be the first of many years where this issue will crop up. Maybe ask the school how they deal with seperated families in such situations so you'll know their policy moving forward.

Best of luck
Gilly
Ps remember if you don't ask you don't get.

I would just feel bad asking for special treatment..and awful in myself.

The head took over at a time when ds was in year 5 and his dad decided to be an arse. I had to go in and talk to her to try and explain what was going on when she'd only really just met (my distraught) ds.

Now I have to go in and explain dd's situation? I feel like the scum of the earth...its not going to make me look good as a mother is it?

This is a nice school on a posh estate. The kids are mostly from married couples in beautiful houses. I sent them both there because its the school I went to as a kid and its a good school. I feel so embarrassed. I know they look down on us already.

You don't, ShyBaby. You are looking down on yourself, and you feel everyone else must be doing the same.

They are nice couples with nice jobs and nice houses on a nice estate, yes? Their lives must be so much easier than yours. WHY on Earth would they be justified in thinking they are better than you when they have never even been tested that far?

Gilly,

"if you don't ask, you dont get" didn't see that before.

That's exactly what my nan used to say , she was a posh commoner (only way I can describe her) she wouldn't have cared what anyone thought of her.

I may go think about that.

When ds had the problems with his dad last year at one point I got a call from the deputy head. She told me ds had no breakfast, was not sleeping at night as his sister woke him up, asked me if he had to put his sister to bed, asked me if I had beds for them both etc...by the end of the call (while I was at work) I was in tears, felt patronised and bloody angry at her assumptions. Ds later told me he was just bored in maths.

Ds was upset generally because his dad had pushed him out again. One morning we had overslept, ds was in a mood, refused breakfast. That was what started the whole discussion. He had obviously let rip with what he was feeling at the time.

I explained to the deputy head that yes of course they had their own bedrooms, at opposite sides of the house but when a youngster tantrums and screams there's not much I could do to stop ds hearing it..we only have a little house! Im sure many married couples have screaming toddlers too.

Ds didnt help matters as he twisted everything to his advantage, possibly because he was hurt about his dad and wanted attention...but it didn't make me look good at all.

So now I may be going in and giving them more Jeremy Kyle-ish ammo...[shudder]

Mum assumes she is attending too, was talking about booking the time off work today. So I think I will have to leave it at that.

Stop worrying about what the world thinks of you and simply ask. When I said go and explain the situation I didn't mean give them every intimate detail of your life. I meant explain that you are separated from his dad, that your mum has always come and is expecting to this year, but ds's dad has also said he wants to come this year. If they are aware there were some issues before then perhaps throw in that he is back in teh picture and you really want to encourage him to be an active parent now that he seems ready to accept his responsibilities (or some such waffle) Then you simply ask if they have any spare tickets and if so you'd be very grateful of one and it doesn't have to be the same day.

When the teacher called you about breakfast and lack of sleep etc they were only doing their job. Your ds probably moaned he was hungry and tired and the teachers naturally wanted to make sure there was no child protection issues. You answered the questions, gave a satisfactory answer, and that was that. Believe me if they had doubted any of what you said social services would have been popping in to visit. But they have to follow up on any concerns because sometimes there are issues and as a parent I would rather people were a little too cautious than ignored something important and failed to follow something up on a child who did really need help.

My son often goes to school without breakfast, all this week in fact. Sometimes he is tired in the morning too. I just put extra in his lunch box and he has to wait for lunch time or hope they have fruit in the morning rather than the afternoon!

Don't worry about what other people think of you. Most of them are too busy moaning about their own lives to be much interetsed in anyone elses.

And as I said before. If you don't ask you won't get, because believe me plenty of other people will be asking for extra tickets. Whether it be for their new partner, ex, grandparents on both sides and even their neighbour too! get in tehir early and you'll have more chance. Keep wavering like this and it will be you that ends up not going to the play....

Lol..I can always depend on you for a boot up the backside gilly

Kicking mine I mean! oh I know what I meant....!