Have just received the following txt from DS1

[hauntedcitylover]

'New p says that DS1 needs to cut down on fatty foods and exH has said we are brought up badly' !!!!!

Have since spoken with DS1 and exH (they are with him) and DS1 seems quite upset - he says that exHs comment was due to him putting elbows on the table.

ExH says we need to chat about their behaviour which is disgraceful.

it seems as though exH wants to put the responsibilty for all of this on me. I do the best I can and can't help thinking that this is just an extension of his general control freakery behaviour.

They are fundamentally good DCs and anything like this just puts me on the defensive.

Not sure why I am posting but feel really upset.

oops the strikeout did not work lol

for you.

too
Can't you go out on Saturday and make him stick to his plans? I can see why you'd want to be there for dc though, if he's being so grudging. What a pain he really is.

well he is 'babysitting' the DCs tonight]
and is going to talk to them about it.

I think the crux of it is he is worried that one of them will show him up the next day when they have a houseful of guests connected with her family.

Meanwhile my exbf has resurfaced so even more reason for them to stay over.

OK - some good sex or your kids' sense of worth?

Well, sex is brilliant but can be given a rain-check, particularly with an ex who appears and disappears.

This is about your kids - what do they want? If they'd like to stay, well, force the issue. If they are going to be made to feel bad, bring them home, ignore their acting-out, feed them goodies and have fun with them and then, go to bed because tomorrow will be OK.

Ooh that sounded a bit judgey imo. I don't think what I would choose to do in my limited free time is particularly relevant to the issue! I could have equally well have planned to go and stay over at my friend who lives on the other side of town.

I don't see it as a trade off and am not going to feel bad about looking forward to some great sex/ male/adult company. It's fairly crucial for my wellbeing as a parent.

What this is about is my exH arranging and altering access to suit his needs, expecting me to fall in with it and me trying to protect the DCs from any fall out.

He does exactly the same thing over taking DS1 to football on his access weekends (he doesn't) - he knows I will not let my son and the team down so I end up taking him.

It's him that should be feeling bad about this not me. I'm quite clear about it.

He talked to them last night and they are coming back. I think the older one feels pushed out, DS2 is younger and therefore not so aware of things.

for you
It's catch 22 isn't it? he knows you'll put dc first, which lets him off the hook
Personally I'd have gone for the great sex but there you go.