Single mum, baby boy

[rasgal]

Hi,

I have just had my 5 month scan and have found out im having a boy! i am excited but nervous as to how i which teach him things from a male perspective, seeing that he will have no father.

has anyone else been through this?

any advice???

I'm a single mother of a 3 year old boy, no father on the scene.

As lula says, it won't be an issue at all for a while.

About 6 months ago my son started following people to the toilet (strange, but that's kids for you), and saw that Grandad wees standing up. So now he does his wees standing up too "like Grandad". So that's one box ticked!

I can kick a ball around, and drive toy trains with him.

The future may raise different issues, but your circumstances could be totally different by then, so I really wouldn't worry about it.

Congratulations rasgal! I too was concerned about this when I had Ds. I must say that maybe in the early days some of my influences on his likes were strong - he liked what I liked - favourite colour was pink (I love pink!) Watched Peppa Pig and experimented with make up!

Now he is nearly 6 and he is very much a boy - but not one of those mean looking rough ones if you know what I mean. Some you can just see it in their face can't you.

He does have male influences in his life - grandad (very important on "Grandad's Day") a male friend of mine, teachers, cousins etc.

I do think men have a different idea of how to bring up boys. One particular dad at football really puts the backs up of many of us mums with his agressive shouting and attitude to the other boys. (we are talking mini kickers here - emphasis being on fun, team play and exercise not agressive competition) Also regarding fighting etc - have heard of dads advising hit him back or even get in there 1st. I think (especially in this day and age) not only that ds should not be too ready with his fists anyway but that better to talk himself out of trouble as what if he comes across someone who is armed with more than him?

I'm going on a bit aren't I - basically what I'm saying is - while I would still view the perfect family 2 parents etc as ideal don't you go worrying about being the mum and dad to a boy - and in lots of ways you even have the advantage.

Ps All children sit down to pee to start with. He'll stand up when the time is right! Also ds's aim is near perfect - as I taught him well and therefore better than a man!

Hi rasgal, congratulations! I don't have any advice, but just wanted to check in with you, as I'm 10 +3 and don't have a partner either. I've a real feeling I'm having a boy too, but I have 3 brothers, so not so perturbed re male perspectives. But above all, you're going to have lots of FUN. Little boys are ace. Do you have any names in mind?

Heya.... I have a ds and a dd. They see their dad when he can be bothered. I too worry about the whole male side of things. Me and my friend (who is also on her own with a ds) refer to it as the 3W's willies, wet dreams and w**king lol as were both a bit clueless on this sorta stuff. I think it will be one of those things that you can tackle when it arrises... haha no pun intended lol.

Do you think you dad would be able to help out when certain things need explaining?

ds is 2 been a single mum to him since he was 9 months old but evenbefore that he didnt see his dad much. Him seeing his dad varies in frequency.
He's a typical little boy running round like a nutter completely into cars and balls but hell also sit for ages giving cuddles and kisses even helps to clean cupboards out lol.
He stands up to use his potty as well as sit(no where near potty trained thoug but he tries)and has never seen a man go toilet so i have no idea where he gets that from. Im not worried about him learning things from his dad but then again my dad and brothers all live round the corner so he can go to them when hes bigger and needs to find anything out if it comes to it. All quite far in the future so nothing to stress over now.
All thebest with your little boy

Do you have male friends or relatives close enough to be reasonably involved in your lives - ie spend time with him, take him out, be around? Is the father someone whom it is possible to permit any involvement with (or someone who might be involved with ie not dead/abusive/unknown) your DS' life? While you don't have to have a male partner to bring up a happy, healthy son, all children benefit from knowing and being loved/liked by a range of adults.

Thanks for all your advice. the babys father said he will not be involved AT ALL because he didn't plan this baby and isnt ready... wat about me? lol!

To msPointipine,
i was so set on having a girl it was hard to think about boys names when the lady told me the sex of my little one. i wanted a unique name and am swaying towards naming him Aries. some ppl love it others hate it what do you think???

(smiles with grim recognition). How funny. My baby's father said "he didn't expect this to happen when he slept with me" and "wasn't ready" either. Where do they learn these lines?

hiya, many congratulations - boy's are fab (but i'm bias! lol)

XH is involved somewhat with DS - ie when he see's him, he'll do things/show DS things etc if he's there and asks but mostly tbh, the 'male influence' is left to my dad, nan's partner (for his part) my uncles and my brother. all of which are v strong male role models, so i'm not unduly worried - he's 2.8 at the mo, tbh he does pay more attention when one of them shout over me telling him off but I do everything that his dad does - and more - only thing i'm gona struggle with is the peeing standing up bit (which his dad can show him! lol) cos poppy et all are a bit funny about DS being around their nether reigons.

not sure if it holds water you need to be a stronger person or not iycwim - ie to out weigh the male influence, but as long as he has some contact with males (DS also has one in his creche once a week) you'll do fine.

oh n what ever they say - don't worry if he puts on your high heels, plays with pink things & wants a kitchen (ds loves all of those, and there's nothing wrong with my lad! lol)

oh n also, fwiw DP said DS 'needed a male role model around him every day' and tbh I was so insulted I nearly spat my tea out n poured it over him! lol.