advice for friend please..

[dilbertina]

My friend has been seperated from her x-dp for a couple of years. Initially he saw their daughter (now nearly 5) fairly often, but this tailed off and everything became more acrimonious. He last saw her when he turned up at her 1st day at school in sept, having not been in contact for a couple of months prior to this. He has not been in contact with her since.

Attempts have been made to agree regular contact, both informally and via solicitor but he is unwilling to do this. Nor will he attend mediation. At the moment he is saying he doesn't currently want contact.

He and my friend are not married but he is named on birth certificate.

As things stand my friend has been advised by solicitor she can do nothing further and they will continue to be officially sharing parental responsibility. This would be fine if he had a relationship with dd, but she is uncomfortable with the fact he could for example turn up at school and remove her, and she will need his consent for various things in the future.

Is it really true he retains all rights regardless of input on his part? Anyone have any advice?

Im a single mum and spoke to a solicator. She said that because all of my dc's CTC and CB are in my name and registered to my address that I have more rights than my ex. I have to inform him of the big things llike choice of school but with smaller matters I am with in my rights to do what I want. Apparently custody doesnt exist any more and its all to do with residency. I think after a certain amount of time with no contact your friend might be able to go to the courts and get some sort of thing saying she is sole carer bbut Im not 100% sure about that. sorry i havnt been much help. Imo the dd will be better off without the input of her father if he is not being consistant with his contact. I would advise your friend to not contact her ex and let him do the leg work... of which he probs wont do. My ex is the same. he is supposed to see the dcs once a week but makes up pathetic excuses and will go weeks without seeing them. I wish I had never encouraged him to have a relationship with them now because he doesnt support them financially, he picks and chooses when to see them and isnt that great of a role model to them. He is more hassle than he is worth and it is him who is going to have to answer to the kids when they are older and explain why he did take his responsibilities as a dad seriously and the same will go for your friends dds father.

Thanks spooky. Thing is she's been told she wouldn't get "residency" granted because the court won't see any need. (although obv. in practical terms she already has it - and would no doubt get it granted if he did something stupid - she wants to avoid that!)

I think she suspected he wasn't going to do the right thing regarding contact, but the dd DOES want to see him and she wanted to be able to demonstrate to dd she did try her best if the need arises in the future.

My biggest fear was the one you mention about removal from school/ nursery setting. I spoke to both the school and my younger sons nursery about this and they have both said that whilst they would ultimately have to hand the children over if the police were called, they can notify me if a collection attempt is made and should be able to create sufficient delay that I'm able to turn up before he leaves with either son.

I'm finding if you talk to people who are used to dealing with the situations, like the school, doctor etc there are ways round most things I've come across so far

i didn't know that dd could be removed from school without me knowing, well at least until the school phoned

i shall have to tell them later and that make sure i tell them when i am collecting her. i am aware of when her dad is due to collect her but am now hoping that he won't try when i am supposed to. omg.

i doubt he even knows his rights. doesn't sound like hes getting advise and if hes not in contact regarding issues then its not for you to contact him. its up to him if he has a contribution he wants to be heard to make it heard. its not up to his ex pertner to contact him and ask him. chances are he will just say the opposite just to be difficult and the childs interests will not be considered. after all, she's not doing anything to STOP him from voiving his opinions but if he isnt contacting you or his child then how are you meant to know?