HELP!! contact orders and cafcass

[meNmine]

Hi i was wondering if anyone can help me, i have a 6 yr old who has never had anything to do with her father except a couple of meetings when she was 4 (his doing not mine) we have lived around the corner from him for the last 4 yrs. We have just moved with my new (as far as hes concerned) partner and out of the blue i was served outside daughters school and the order was for me to attent court in 2 days time as he was taking me to court for contact, i had to write to the judge and personnally deliver it as i was going on holiday the next day, when i came back from holiday i had just walked through customs when a man grabbed me around the arm and served me. I have been to court were my ex asked for no hearings inbetween just a final hearing as he had spent so much getting me there? i had to beg for cafcass as they were just going to make an order for contact there and then for a child that dosnt know him. he is demarding 3 weeks supervised by me or a family memeber if it has to be, then unsupervised for a few hrs for 3 wks then everyother wkend with over night stays, shared holidays and shared christmas. most dads who have bothered with there children should be entitlled to this but surely not a dad whos not bothered for 6 yrs and surly not this quickly, i have just recieved his statement which was 16 pgs long bad nouthing me when my statement was just fact and a few pgs long with nothing really bad about him, his statement is full of lies about me our relationship everything really he is making out he has had more contact than he has, surely he will trip up on this when caffcass talk to my daughter and realise she doesnt knoe him at all, all she remembers is one day out with him where she says she heard him call me bad names adn she now wont even talk about him, so how am i going to get her to see him?

MeNMine: you really must get yourself some proper advice. Collect as much evidence as you can that your XP is lying; contact either Women's Aid or a family solicitor - basically the Cafcass bloke sounds like a wanker, and if he has overstepped the mark you need to report him. Unpleasant men have a very common tendency to threaten all kinds of legal action against their ex-partners purely to harass them, and in many cases they don't have a leg to stand on and a good solicitor can make them back off.

In fact, unpleasant people have a very common tendency to threaten all kinds of legal action against their ex-partners.

I've had this from my ex.

Please do get yourself some decent legal representation or advice meNmine because CAFCASS man, based on what you say, sounds like he bullying your DD and that is not on.

Someone needs to bring him up on that quick sharp.

Don't be scared about upsetting anyone - you must do what you feel is right for your DD.

Finally - this may sound a little daft and out there but are you absolutely SURE it was the CAFCASS man and not some dodgy bloke planted by your X? Some people can be incredibly devious.

meNmine I complained about our cafcass officer and it worked a treat. The complaint process is outlined on the Cafcass web site.

It is unacceptable to trick a child and I have also said that the childs views should be made to be very important and listened to and this seems to be not the case here.

You are in a really difficult position and have all my sympathy as things get twisted and made to look as though you are the one at fault when you are simply listening to your child. I hate the whole adversarial quality of the family court system and the right and wrong thing where dialogue and listening would be much more useful.

lostdad mine still threatens after three years and a final ruling. It is a constant threat in my life. I have now started to say go ahead as he wont win as the kids are now 13, 14 and my youngest sticks to the letter of the order and sees him as per the order.

I'm now on hearing 7. My xw moved 300 miles with my son without warning to try to cut me out of his life. I moved too. It's been going on two years now.

She sticks to the letter of the order.

Unfortunately this means that when I want to do things like give me ds an opportunity to his aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. (who now live a long way away), she agrees on the condition he spends less time than usual with me.

I'm still trying to work out how that is in best interest. Mainly because she refuses to discuss it (along with anything else) with me and even sends a family member from hundreds of miles away to do the handover while she hides.

Overall, I'd rather our ds has the two parents he is entitled to, but my xw has other ideas.

Lostdad I really feel for you and you're persistence is to be commended and I am sure in time your son will appreciate it!

My son and I were discussing CafCass this morning and we came to the conclusion that there should be a child member at each family court hearing with a minimum age of 12 and a max of 18 who listened to the child/ren and represented their viewpoint. Rather than a judge making decisions or lawyers we both felt that this would allow kids to talk to their peers and hopefully allow real child's eye view of what was happening.

Your poor dd, he did not bother with her for most of her life and now he keeps sending these cards from 'daddy' which are making her so unhappy. If he was doing it for her he would take things slowly istead of bombarding her, I eally hope things improve for you both... xx