I just want it all to STOP!!!!!!

[h0pe]

Hi,

I occasionally come on mumsnet but i'm not a regular......I just generally whinge about m ex so I'm sorry for the rant but I don't really know where to turn ( que tears!!!).....

Going through a horrible time right now, plucked up the courage to stop contact with my daughters father a while ago now. He just wouldn't listen to reason and caused us such a lot of problems. The awful thing is it was blatantly to get at me which upsets me so much that this could all be avoided if he just acted like thdoting dad he says he is!!!!!

It's about to go to court now on allegations of domestic violance and the fact dd doesn' want to go for contac ( she's only five but would cry and cry every week at prospect of going)

So today I handed in all my statements to my solicitor and that by it's self what tremendously hard. Fallen out with my best friend who I've known since I was little as she didn't want to be a witness to some of the stuff she has witnessed......Times like thse you know who your friends are!

Anyway put my phone on silece when I got home today as just couldn't deal with speaking to anyone and when Ifinally braved looking I had five missed calls from my solictor confirming the statements will now go to ex to review and respond to.

I feel sick, I feel like I can't survive this any more.....I can'thaving to go back to my solictors in a week or so to listen to all the bullsh1t him and his mother will hae concocted about me....Only thing that keeps me going is that I know my daughter needs me if you get where I am going with that.

Just...Just feel empty apart from all the horrible feelings I feel all the time.

Sorry I know I sound pathetic but I'm sat here now with my daughter who is colouring in and my dp who is reading paper and I just want to scream and cry.......

You are foresighted to do the diary thing ratbunny. Keep the texts as well.

I am thinking about buying that book I posted alink to a few posts back. I was reading snippets of it on line and just nodding, nodding, nodding. It is unbelievable that he was so predictable really. He was just cut exactly from the controlling bully cloth. The book is aimed at the men themselves, but I think I am going to forward it to my x after I've read it. He will get extremely angry at that! because obviously his perception of himself is that he's a completely reasonable person!

WE should all swap tips on staying sane!

Ratbunny, I don't know if you will log on again in the near future as ur post was a couple of days ago but sounds like ur going through something that totally mirrors my situation. I totally know what you mean, it is so frustrating when you know you are doing everything you can to keep the peace and all you are met with is unreason. It is all about control, my ex used to say to me I was using our child against him which used to kill me inside because that was the last thing I wanted! I just wanted him to be a dad!! Then there were the threats to kill himself, and the attempts ( albiet minimal thankfully - he never was going to carry those threats out ) I have just had to apply for a police report detailing every time the police were called in relation to these incidents in preparation for the court appearance in a couple of weeks. I am very scared about this but know it is inevitable, got to ride through this horrible time to get to the end. Theres that saying isn't there, it will get worse before it gets better. So i'm just holding out for the end. You can do it too, I did the same with logging everything and it has stood me in good stead for my upcoming court appearance, I have dates, times and specific details about everything he has done for the past two years and my solcitor needed that. So keep strong, keep focused and you will get to the other side. GOOD LUCKXXXX

No easy answer with all this. I'm in the same situation myself, divorced and left with the baby years ago but my ex who was also abusive but not physically has realised that the only way he can get attention from me is via the courts and access despite the fact he has loads! Unfortunately the courts are only interested in what is best for the child without much consideration for the impact of all this on the main carer and seem delighted about fathers who want to see more of their children since they so often just disappear. My solicitor has told me that this kind of low level domestic abuse is very difficult to prove unless there are repeated court applications about exactly the same thing. Some time when those of us who are spending our time working hard and bringing up our children have some time to make a big noise about this, maybe we can make a difference! In the meantime, many of us who have had controlling exes, who have money to keep taking us to court, there seems little we can do but spend it as well it seems to me.
Yes keep a diary, but also keep copies of all correspondance with him, and avoid speaking about anything that may be problemmatic/important by phone as that can't be recorded and proved. In the meantime, any of you who have had home visits from CAFCAS, any advice very welcome.Expecting them next month (sigh) despite the fact that I know my partner and I provide a lovely home life for my son.