Last couple of times the DS's have been returned after spending the day with ex H, DS2 has got very upset.

[Pinkchampagne]

Last time he was sat crying saying he missed daddy the minute I shut the door, and today he was brought back upset again. Ex H said he had been crying for about an hour. DS was saying it was due to bad dreams, but he hasn't been waking at night.
I guess I am to expect them to get like this from time to time, but it is heartbreaking. I encourage them to phone daddy if they ever get sad & DS normally perks up after a while. Is there anything else I can do?

He seems a lot happier now. It's horrible to see them get upset when he drops them off.

You talking to yourself ?

Glad to hear they are ok

I am talking to myself, as I often do!!

I wonder what has made this happen the last couple of times?

Perhaps the fact that it has started all of a sudden means it will stop again...

But for now.

I do hope so, Blu. You feel terribly guilty when you see them upset like this.

My two dds (4 and 2) get really upset too. Ex and I only separated a few months ago and they see him every couple of weeks but miss him so much. Makes me feel so guilty even tho I know I had to go.

One idea that has helped a bit is for ex and kids to swap some personal belonging e.g bit of kids plastic jewellery from dd and photo id card from ex. They have to look after the things for each other until they see each other again. It shows that they will be seeing each other again soon. (I got this idea from a childrens' book). Otherwise lots of cuddles and and affirmation that they really miss daddy and they need to see him again soon.

Makes me cry just writing this. It hurts

DSD used to cry going back to her mums from her dads. Especially after her mum for whatever her reasons went to court to reduce parenting time by half and get sole residency/custody.
Having to drive DSD back in the interim periods when her routine was staying at that time with dad was horrible. She used to beg us to let her stay with her dad. I used cry when I was driving her back.

Kids love both parents, the interim period coping for the loss of seeing either parents is very difficult for young children to get through. Changes in routine where kid/s have been used to seeing both parents are more upsetting than anything IME.

Do the children stay overnight at dad's?

This would probably introduce a bit more a normalish routine into their life and get them used to seeing both parents doing the parenting thing.... after all the long break between seeing dad is probably a bit of long time between seeing dad IMHO

They do stay there, but this last week he has been on nights, so will take them out for a few hours & then return them at teatime. There is no set pattern as he does shift work, but they see a lot of him, which is good.

Monday, DS1 cried after spending the night with his dad & being returned the following day, but on Wednesday he had just been there for a few hours & ex H said he had been crying for about an hour before leaving. He then said "I know what it's like", because his own parents separated, which made me feel terrible.