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Just seen my dd in the arms of another woman on FB

16 replies

greeneyedgirl · 28/10/2008 15:27

And I am surprised at how crap I feel. The woman in question is a friend (so he insists) of my soon to be ex husband. He has just added pics to his Facebook page (no I am not on his friends list, but he made a page for dd so all his news comes up on my page) and I feel horrible, all jealous and seething about another woman in my dd's life (she is almost 4 btw). I know I am being unreasonable, but I feel just awful and not sure how to deal with it.

I mean, I already knew that dd knows this lady quite well as she is always talking about her kids and I know she regularly stays at the woman's house with ex. I have been dating someone for nearly a year and so far have kept them away from each other, probably cos I am scared that I will be let down again and the relationship will go pear shaped and don't want to hurt dd in the process. So to see dd with another woman holding her and cuddling her, I feel like I want to commit murder..or at least cry alot. Please tell me I'm normal feeling like this!!!

OP posts:
Prettyfull · 28/10/2008 15:53

Hi, Ahh sorry to hear you'v seen that i would feel exactly the same!!

VinegArghhhWasStabbedInTheTits · 28/10/2008 16:01

Must be hard and was probably a shock if you were not expecting it, and it is perfectly normal to feel like that so dont beat yourself up for feeling bad, but you will always be her mummy and have the most special bond, so one little picture is not going to take that away.

littlelamb · 28/10/2008 16:11

The exact thing happened to me- my ex changed his profile picture to one of him, dd and his girlfriend, who I had never met, which was taken on the first day he had spent with her in about a year. It made me more pissed off than it reasonably should, and I asked him to take it down, which he did, but I do think he thought I was overreacting. I didn't like that it was like a perfect family picture when it was MY dd with a woman I had never met. Completely sympathise.

mummyfantastico · 28/10/2008 16:20

I would feel the same, I'm bad enough when my dds talk about the ow, i don't want to see them together playing happy families

greeneyedgirl · 28/10/2008 16:34

Thanks everyone. Just went to pick dd up and she was distinctly underwhelmed to see me (no hug or kisses, still none now we are home in fact), told me in the car that she wanted to go back to Daddy's.

Feel like a shit Mum, ex h takes her on lots of day trips etc, which I don't, I am not working due to anxiety at the moment, so skint. Feel bloody, bloody awful, I wouldn't want to be with me if I was her either. I was happy this morning, now feel rubbish again, sorry to moan, but why is life so damn crap sometimes???

OP posts:
no1putsbabyinthecorner · 28/10/2008 16:45

ah bless yo greeneyedgirl I would also feel the same as you.
sorry I dont have anything constructive to say, but I would say its normal for you to feel like that and I am sure your doing a great job and are NOT a shit mum.

I remember my mum saying I used to play her and my dad when she met someone else.
It was just someone new and the novelty soon wore off for me. But as I got older I understood how it hurt my dad whenever I went to visit and stay with mum and new partner was around.

SmugColditz · 28/10/2008 16:53

Go and run a bubble bath, and both get in it.

greeneyedgirl · 28/10/2008 16:58

Thanks no1. I just tried to give her a cuddle and she didn't want to know, I guess it will take her a while to come down from all the fun she's had.

I suppose I feel like a bit of a failure anyway, live with my parents as have no money from the marriage and then having a mini "breakdown" in Sept and being signed off work hasn't helped. So I am faced with re-building my entire life whilst recovering from my stress episode, feels overwhelming. I know I am lucky with so many things in my life and should focus on those, but that pic today and dd's subsequent behaviour has just been the last straw really.

OP posts:
VinegArghhhWasStabbedInTheTits · 28/10/2008 16:59

I was gonna to suggest putting a dvd on and both snuggle on sofa with some chocolate, but colditz idea is a great one, i am going to do this with ds when i get home from work

VinegArghhhWasStabbedInTheTits · 28/10/2008 17:01

You are right, it will probably take her a while to come dwon from being with daddy, just leave her to get on with things and look after yourslef, i bet any money she will come looking for a cuddle soon

littlelamb · 28/10/2008 17:04

My dd does this when she sees her dad too- he tries to make up for the fact that he never sees her by packing a lot into a few days and buyign her things and last time she came home she said 'mummy you're boring!' Definately get in the bath- we do this (with ds now as well!) and she sings the song from High Schol Musical while she's in there ('we're all in this together' turns into 'we're in the bath together!')

greeneyedgirl · 28/10/2008 17:19

Her daddy never buys dd a damn thing and is always complaining how broke he is. So how he affords all this outings is beyond me.

OP posts:
no1putsbabyinthecorner · 28/10/2008 19:46

Having a bath is a lovely idea. I have just done this. Well half shower half bath.

I hope you are feeling a bit better. It sounds as though you have really been through some tough times lately, I take my hat off to you that your plodding on no matter how hard it may be/seem.

greeneyedgirl · 28/10/2008 20:23

Thanks for all your replies, feeling a little calmer now, am trying my best to chill out. Tomorrow is another day and all that. Thanks again, it's just nice to know other people understand these little things.

OP posts:
no1putsbabyinthecorner · 28/10/2008 20:27

Take care of yourself.
I hope I dont sound patronising but just take one day at a time. .
I also feel it helps to vent and let off steam on here.
I have never experienced so much support from people I dont know.

Blondilocks · 28/10/2008 20:32

My DD does this too. I think it's just because it's different at her dad's & I'm sure that if she lived there all the time it'd be the opposite way round!

Take care of yourself.

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