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Original poster

When you got divorced, did you change your name?

30 replies

Pinkchampagne · 26/10/2008 12:51

A lot of people are asking if I will change back to my maiden name, but I don't think I will change my name unless I get married again. Did you change your name after getting divorced or leave it?

OP posts:
FAQ · 26/10/2008 12:52

I@m not divorced (yet) - but have no intention of changing my name (unless I get married again in the future).

Rubyrubyruby · 26/10/2008 12:53

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Rubyrubyruby · 26/10/2008 12:53

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crankycrane · 26/10/2008 12:54

yes

After my first marriage which lastest 3 yrs I went back to maiden name

I remarried 7 years later

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 26/10/2008 12:55

I don't like Ms either. I work in a school so the children all know me as Mrs xx. Changing my name would be too much hassle all round.

OP posts:
NotDoingTheHousework · 26/10/2008 12:58

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NotDoingTheHousework · 26/10/2008 13:02

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glitterfairy · 26/10/2008 14:34

I want to but asked the kids. I think my two eldest may change their names to my maiden name when they are old enough to do it without a court battle and then I will change mine back.

The issue is when going abroad I want the same name as my kids and also for other stuff like schools. My kids want me to have the same name as them. I am also well known in my field by my last name so that might well be a problem if I changed.

kama · 26/10/2008 14:46

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Leslaki · 26/10/2008 15:23

I want to change it but only if I can change the children's too. Got a reallly awful married name and my maiden name is cool! Don't think x would let the kids changetheir name - might be able to get it double barrelled then drop the dodgy name for egneral usage.

lostdad · 26/10/2008 19:17

`might be able to get it double barrelled then drop the dodgy name for egneral usage'.

Causing a child to be know by any but their real name is illegal.

If my ex were to do what you say above, I'd be at my local county court the next day to apply for a prohibited steps order - and I'd win. Courts look on this sort of thing very dimly.

NotBigNotClever · 26/10/2008 19:24

Kept my first married name so as to have the same name as my daughter. Then I remarried and changed my name to new married name and daughter became a "known as". When her father died, she changed her name by deed poll (to my new married surname, so that she could have same surname as her brother). If she wants to change it back when she is a rebellious teen, I won't be surprised. Nor will I be particularly bothered. But for now, it is handy to be able to use the same nametags for both school uniform . I've never been particularly attached to any of my surnames, but I do find it easier to only have one per household, if at all possible.

brightwell · 26/10/2008 20:05

I kept my married name so I'm the same as my dc, but it does peeve me that my degree has my married name on it.

FAQ · 26/10/2008 20:12

lostdad - if it's illegal how come the school contact information forms have a box for "actual name" and "preferred name" on it???

Surely as long as all "legal" documentation (doctors, etc has their "proper" name on they can be "known" as what ever they want?)

NotBigNotClever · 26/10/2008 20:22

Can't remember the exact rules, but I know that my dd's school (for instance) required written permission from her father for her to be even a "known as". Also, when she was admitted to hospital, the hospital insisted on using her legal name rather than the "known as" name, which caused her a great deal of distress. The whole "known as" business is a bit of a minefield.

CarGirl · 26/10/2008 20:32

I carried on using my married name and Mrs until I remarried and now I'm double barrelled (no hyphon) Mrs ex dh name & current dh name dd1 wanted me to keep the same name as her which I understood.

lostdad · 26/10/2008 23:33

FAQ - I don't know about individual schools - but as I say you cannot cause a child to be known by something other than their legal name.

If I caught a school my son attended permitting this I would have no hesitation in writing to the LEA to ask if they knew a school in their area was complicit with parents breaking the law.

Check the other thread about changing a child's surname for more information. The law is very clear on this. It is illegal to even try to do this.

FAQ · 26/10/2008 23:44

oh gawd help me when DS3 starts school then - he's called his proper name about once a week (if that) - in fact he's known by so many people by his "nickname" (for want of a better word) that I even put

"invited to the Christening of Txxxx (TK) Mxxx" on the invites

zippitippitoes · 26/10/2008 23:47

no i am still name of exh and i let people say mrs or ms i dont really care

i was mrs exh for 20 plus years so consider it my name and also used to having the same name as my children

Ellbell · 26/10/2008 23:50

I reverted to my maiden name when I got divorced, but I didn't have any children at that point so it was relatively uncomplicated.

I have since remarried but decided to keep my maiden name. My dds have dh's surname with mine as an additional middle name. Apart from occasionally having to introduce myself in a fairly long-winded way, like 'I'm Ellbell XYZ, Babybell ABC's mother', it's not a problem at all having a different surname from my children. Generally once people know that I'm Babybell ABC's mother they don't have a problem with the name thing at all. Sometimes school secretaries and such-like do call me 'Mrs ABC' but I don't mind that - it's natural, since they know my dds better than they do me.

Have not taken dds abroad without dh but can't imagine I'd have any problems, since they do have my name on their passports as one of their middle names. The only people I ever had trouble with were the people at the Post Office when I went to get an 'old-style' E111 form. They wouldn't let me put my dds on my form as my dependents because we didn't have the same surname. I'm certain that they were wrong and should have let me do it, but we needed the form quickly and dh was there too, so I just let them go on his form instead. (And now, with the new cards they have their own card anyway, so it's irrelevant.)

So... that's a long-winded way of saying that if you want to change back to your maiden name, do so. The disadvantages are very minor, and personally I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with the name of someone I wasn't glad I'd married. (I don't even really want the name of the guy I am glad I married .)

FAQ/lostdad... I think you're at cross-purposes. Surely when schools ask for 'name' and 'known as' they are talking about first names (e.g. Alexander, known as Alex) not surnames.

FAQ · 26/10/2008 23:54

Ellbell - you could well be correct - god help poor DS3 if it's not .

DS1 had enough problems adjusting to the fact that his full name was Tafara, and not Taffy (although confusingly for him we requested that they called him Taffy, but teach him to write Tafara ) (he's currently decided at 8 that he's ONLY to be known as that).

DS3 on the other hand gets called his full name so infrequently that I almost wish we'd put his "known as" name down on the birth certificate I've never been one for all these "letter" names........but my god DS3 just so suits "TK"

Ellbell · 27/10/2008 00:03

I'm sure that won't be a problem FAQ. My dd1 has a looooooong name which she can spell now but didn't stand a chance of being able to write at age 4 (half the time the teachers can't spell it). She was known by her nickname till last year (similar to Taffy-Tafara). Also, presumably you and your ex-h are in agreement about what you call your dss... He's not going to take you to court to stop you referring to ds3 as TK, is he? Whereas, I can see that if you decided to call him TK YourName, rather than TK ExHName, without consulting ex-h, he could be (justifiably) upset about it. I think you said earlier that you were not going to change your name anyway, but if the OP did want to change her name I'd suggest adding her surname to her dcs' names as a middle name. They don't need to use it on a day-to-day basis, but it's there on official things so that the 'family link' remains obvious.

Cauldronfrau · 27/10/2008 00:12

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elastamum · 27/10/2008 00:13

I never changed my name when I got married in the first place so I wont need to change it when we eventually divorce! My boys have their fathers surname and I have always carried birth certificates with their passports when I am travelling alone with them so I can prove they are mine, although in 10 years I have never been asked and I have traveled alone with them all over the world ( I suppose that in itself says something about our relationship)

FAQ · 27/10/2008 00:16

hehe - no I'm not intending on using my maiden name for any of the DS's - it would sound extremely odd - boring English surname end in "son" - can't quite see it catching on

And no exH wouldn't complain about him being called TK - it was him that shortened it to that when DS3 was a day old and he bumped into our vicar - who asked the name, she's not so great with unusual names so exH just said "oh TK for short".......and it stuck - she announced at church on the Sunday that I'd had the baby and he was called TK - and most of the new baby cards have that on it.

And to think of all the bloody hours exH and I spent trying to decide what we could shorten our (already 100% chosen) DS3's name to........and it was chosen on a whim lol.

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