Help, don't know where to turn

[stressedmumof1]

Hi i'm new on here and need advice. i've just found out that i'm pregnant and don't know whether to tell the father. i'm already a single mum to a ds whos 4.5, and going through court fighting his dad who wants contact after 3 yrs of nothing. i met somebody and now i'm pg by him, we're not together but still friends he feels he has too much on at work to make a go of a relationship at the mo. i know this is true cos hes been working 75/80 hr weeks. i got pg the first time we slept together and we had used a condom so obviously this isn't planned. after evrything i'm going through with ds father i don't want to end up going through it again with this ones father but i don't know whether i can go on alone even though i do want another baby this isn't the way i had planned please helpxxx

Stressedmum - have just seen this - sorry for everything you're going through. I think you really need to tell him - at least you will not then be thinking "what if" and "if only" the whole time. Is there a chance that he's not actually ignoring your messages - just hasn't seen/received them? If he is working frantically then he may not have time to respond to or even pick up messages.
If it's any help, I have a male friend with his own business who has avoided getting too close to any woman he has met over the last few years as he felt he didn't have "time" to commit to anyone (because of work taking up so much time). Because of this he has had a couple of relationships end which he has since regretted (the old "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone" thing). Maybe if this baby's father knew the situation you were in it may change his attitude. Anyway, whatever you decide, good luck and know that you have plenty of people to talk to here.

I've told him, hes not happy saying that it can't be his cos he used a condom. and that the reason he did use one is because he had made the decision not to have kids. i told him he also had to accept that if he has sex, condom or not, he has to face up to it if someone falls pregnant. I'm still talking to him now and i'm beginning to doubt whether to keep the baby because he feels so strongly. Can't believe the thought is going through my mind and that i'm telling you all this
Am i just being stupid? xx

Message withdrawn

Happymumof2, if you don't want to answer then don't but i was wondering if after his reaction did you consider an abortion what i mean is does the fathers reaction make me feel like this. i've never thought i would consider one esp. after having ds and then a m/c. don't know whether its just the hormones or a reaction from him. feel awful for considering one and can't stop crying i thought i'd made my mind up now this is going through my head. i don't deserve to be a mum if i'm thinking this do i?

I'm sorry i have no right to ask that just ignore it i'm just trying to justify feeling like this i think xx

Message withdrawn

finished talking to him, although nothings been decided yet other than he wants nothing to do with the baby if i have it. just keep going round in circles a lot of stuff that hes saying is true. my heart is saying to keep the baby, but my heads saying consider all options. I sit even fair to bring a child into the world knowing that the father doesn't want anything to do with it ever? i don't know i think posting on here is helping but i know i've got to make a decision and quite quickly.going to try and sleep on it and see if things are any clearer tomorrow xxx

Hi stressedmum - just looked at this thread and wanted to say that although i havent been in your position and probably give crap advice i kinda felt i wanted to. From reading your threads you seem to be a pretty together woman and i personally think that you sound like a good mum to your ds and would be a good mum to any future children. Dont base your decisions on him but on what is right for you and your ds.

I hth and sorry if i stuck my nose in where i shouldnt.

xx

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn

Awen, you didn't put your nose i'm grateful for anyones comments.
Happymum I'm doing okay, i think, i've done the sensible thing and thought through all my options but i can't go through with an abortion just because he wants me to. its not what i want and i'm not prepared to regret something for the rest of my life just so that he doesn't have to regret it. so i'll just have to go it alone without anything from him.
my next problem is telling him, i've told him i'll go and talk to someone about things, but i know in my heart that i'm doing the right thing by keeping the baby and i feel awful for the other thought entering my head. at the end of the day our friendship is already ruined (its never going to be the same now), so i might just tell him that whatever i decide i'll do it alone and he never has to know.
i've changed my settings so that you can CAT me if you want, even if it is just to say what idiots men are (not intending to offend any men that are out there and prepared to stick to their responsibilities).
Just want to say a big thank you for all your support, i'm sure i'll be needing some help in the future but hope that it won't be for a long time. xxx