I am completely shocked to find out if exp takes me to court I may ave to change dd's surname........

[cantpickyourfamily]

I gave dd my surname as exp was not there for me throughtout the pregnancy but after the birth we got back together. He wanted dd to have his surname or atleast a double barrelled surname and I said no, so he would not put his name on her birth certificate.

Now he said he will go to court to get his name on her birth cert and give her a double barreled surname.

I am shocked and upset that as her mother who gave birth to her and gave up my life to look after her I cannot decide her surname...

I know he is her farther and he also feels hurt that she has not got his surname but I feel he can carry on with his life as nomal and come to see dd when ver he fancies.

I on the other hand have saggy boobs and belly and spend everyday looking after my dd (which I love doing) but it has change my whole life forever...

Why can I not decide her surname.

I agree with Blackduck, unless this is a new law then the solicitor may be mistaken. I had DS1 when DH and I were unmarried and was told that if I gave him my name then it could only be changed to DH's surname if we got married. Any other name change would have to be done via deed poll.

Now there is a possibility that a court can order this to be done, but they wouldn't do it just because he wants it done. It would have to be for a good reason and in your dd's interests.

And yes, of course it feels unfair that you have done everything for her and he has the same rights, but try to see that if he does right by her this time round she will have a relationship with her father, which she may value in years to come. It doesn't diminish the fact that you are her mother and the most important person in her life right now

sclub - that is true perhaps everything will be fine in the future and he will be a great father, I suppose if someone will go to all the bother of taking me to court to change her name then he must be pretty interested in sticking around...

Also I have done everything I can to help him to have a good relationship with dd, and would never wish for him to be a bad father or not see dd...

Don't be so upset that someone can decide matters pertaining to your dd. The courts can rule on a myriad of things and go against the wishes of both parents if they feel it's in the best interests of the child.

It may well be that your exp won't go to the trouble of taking you to court; he may just be mouthing off because he thinks it will make you give in. You have the history that he dropped you during the pregnancy and that he has only just started paying maintenance now that she is 14 months old (how long did you get back together for?). The courts may decide that he hasn't shown sufficient long-term commitment to warrant making any changes to the status quo, especially if the mother disagrees.

we were together from just after the birth untill about a month ago on and off, and was giving me money, but was not done through banks etc so can not show he has been paying maintenance...

I found this link that says it is possible by court order

www.secure1.gov-certificates.co.uk/CanABirthCertificateBeChanged

My DD has her fathers surname as at the time we where going to get married one day so it wasnt a question. It was weird when we split up especially when he stopped visits for over a year but got used to us having different names now.

waites - thanks for that, I suppose that clears it up...

I think this is totally wrong. If a woman is bullied or persuaded or tricked into giving the child the father's surname it is almost totally impossible to change it, even if the bloke is abusive, absent and doesn't pay.
Why on earth is it presumed that a child should share a name with her absent father instead of her mother?

I still think you should phone the CAB and get advice from a sol there as a second opinion. And then you should prepare your case based on teh fact you have no ojections to him being named on the certificate as the father, but you do not agree to the surname being changed. He might well decide when he sees how much it's going to cost him to take this to court simply to agree with what you're saying and avoid the court which will not give him any certain outcome.

If he still goes to court over it then you need to show you've been reasonable at all times and he will have to show why it is in the child's best interests to have this done. Him wanting it is not a good enough reason. Then you can put forward all your arguments as to why the status quo should remain and then it's down to the court on the day i'm afraid.

Someone above said father's have rights regarding their children. Neither parent has rights over their children, what they have are responsibilities, it's a big difference. That's why it's called PR - Parental Resposibility.

With regard to not recording the maintenance he's being paying, is there any particular reason for that? And is there anything in that which will give him reason to cause you an issue? ie are you on certain benefits (IS, council or housing benefit) and should you have informed them you were receiving income and therefore reduced your benefits because of your extra income. If so try and get this sorted out as soon as possible as he could be like my neighbours ex who caused a huge problem for her over such issues.

The maintenance thing is hat we have only been broke up fior about a month, before that he was living with me so we spent his money as a couple so that is what I mean about him not paying any maintenance or havin a record of it.

when i had ds 6 i gave him his dads surname. when we split up he turned out not interested in ds at all (HIS LOSS). when ds turned 3 i make it clear if he didnt have some sort of relationshp with him soon i was going to change his name back to mine. i didnt want ds to have a different name to me and not even know the persons whose name it was. he didnt so before ds started school i gave him my surname. so ever since hes writtne his name its been the same. would never have changed to back to mine if hed been seeing his dad though. defintely the right thing for us.

Mysonsmummy - how did you change his surname? Is it legally changed? Because if not and your ex comes back and disputes it the school will have to revert back to the name on his birth certificate which will be confusing for all.

You will also still need to fill in his actual name on all official documents, such as exam entry forms, class trips for insurance purposes etc. So just wondering if you have done this officially, and if so how? Or if you simply just changed it and so are causing your ds to be known by a different name, which is something his father can dispute and have changed in the future should be find out and decide to be awkward about.