Mums with partners making ignorant comparisons!!

[sleepylion]

Lately, I'm getting super annoyed by mums in partnerships claiming that their life is just like that of a single mother! It really gets my back up and I have to bite my tongue! They talk about their partner coming home late etc. As if that even comes close to what we experience 24/7!!

Mostly it drives me nuts, because it gives me the feeling they have no idea just how valuable the input of their partners is. Like they take them for granted.

Can they even know what it's like to do everything alone. Including watching your child's milestones alone, and praising your child alone, food shopping alone, eating dinner alone, sleeping alone. Tying to do the d.i.y alone? Don't they know what it means even to share the weekends with their partners? To go walking, to see their partner make their baby laugh, to make decisions together? Watching their baby grow together? Even if their partner is busy and late home. Big deal. At least he comes home in the end! We have to live day by day knowing noone is going to walk through that door.

I don;t go around moaning to these friends. Not at all. BUT, a little imagination on their part wouldn't go amiss. I just dont appreciate them suggesting that they are in any way close to being in the same boat as me!! That's just bloody ignorant. I feel sad thats i'm angry about it, and kind of let down, as I thought of these people as friends before all this. But these statements make me stand back and feel a rift.

Does anyone else know how I feel on this one?

I'm married - here's my answers to your survey.

1. do you lie in bed at night on your own, petrified that someone may break in? Do you jump up wielding an iron bar at the slightest noise? Yes and sometimes it is DH doing the scaring.

1. Can you phone/speak to the other parent to seek advice on your child/make joint decisions? Advice is do what you want - if he discusses at all

1. If your child was very ill in the night, would your partner take them to hospital? No he refused to (not for the first time) - also refused to phone emergency docs while I tended to the sick DC. I had to take all DCs to hospital with me.

1. Can you go to the toilet without your kids killing each other? Not a chance!

1. Could you go to the shop at 9pm to get something you had run out of? I have to take DCs with me

1. Do you ever have a cup of tea made for you? Yes but I rarely get more than a couple of sips before it is cold so I prefer water.

1. If you were so ill with flu you couldn't keep your eyes open, would you have to drag yourself up and look after your kids, cook tea, tidy and clean your house, put them to bed? All on your own? Yes I would.

1. Can you cook a meal without a child swinging from your leg because you're ignoring her? Sometimes they will watch a ideo while I cook otherwise nope.

1. Can you go to work a job you hate, that actually makes you ill, where you're treated like an idiot 5 days a week because if you dont, its a life on benefit? Can't answer that one I'm afraid.

10. Do you have a cuddle sometimes? Funnily enough I don't want one.

I'm glad MN is here - that is my support. I feel very sorry for those who are alone or scared and I hope things improve soon - parenting is blimen hard.

it is different i guess, i know i was lucky to have had 17 years with steve, it does bug me when people say they know how i feel cos their DH works away etc, or the oh i know how you feel cos i am a football/golf widow.

you might have been lucky to have him for that long OJ - but it doesn't mean we don't want to be luckier.

"they know how i feel cos their DH works away etc" god I know people are probably struggling to find the right thing to say but sometimes they really are pants at it aren't they!

i do find it hard to feel lucky about having the remote control and the bed all to myself

Flipping heck NK, that sounds shitty..why?

I think if anyone said that to me OJ I would bludgeon them to death with said remote control. You'd probably get away with it - claim the balance of your mind was disturbed or it was a crime of passion.

I don't know shybaby but those are honest answers.

It's not a competitive thing though is it? I certainly wouldn't want to suggest I had it harder than another individual - I haven't lived their life so I cannot compare.

OJ Golfwidow? What are these people thinking? What an incredibly stupid and hurtful remark. I can only hope they realised that afterwards and offered the sincere apologies.

oj the remote control, and bed thing well I can only assume its what folks say in a cheer me up fashion without actually knowing your circumstances.

Im off to bed ladies, sleep well X