God why won't he stop deliberatly trying to piss me off

[isheisnthe]

Exp is driving me to the point of murder (well, you know what I mean)

He went to the CSA to get assessed - and got told by them that he could pay £100 less a month under their rules - you guessed - thats what he has done

Now tho DS2 has started school, I am going back and forth to the school, going there for drop, back for lunch time to get him (PT until xmas , back to work and nursery, back to the school to get DS1 at 3, back to nursery to get ds2 and then home - and its costing me a fortune and to be honest knackering me out.

I am still paying nursery fees for the afternoon etc and petrol going through the roof - uniform and shoes cost me over £180 (he said he would go half - hasn't) and I am pissed off - I have told him I am not booking DS2 in the nursery on the fridays he should be picking up (this will save me £50 a month) but he is saying he can't get there for the pick up time and I will have to deal with it - FGS - tell me this gets better.

Quite frankly I wish he would just piss off altogether and then we'd all know where we stand

I do feel for you but this is part of the juggling act we have to perform as parents. It is only for a few more weeks. If it's really not possible for you to manage all the journeys then try speaking to the school. There may be another parent coming your way who could help share with some of the ferrying around for example, or an after school club you can leave ds1 in which will be cleaper than extra hours in teh nursery getting ds2 second.

If your ex is refusing to do the pick up on the days he should be then he has to either arrange for someone else to do so or meet the costs involved in you doing so. Are his parents nearby? They may love to help out if they were given the chance. Also, if he gets a reduction for overnights then I'm afraid the costs involved in that day should fall to him partly. Course getting him to agree to this is not as easy as it probably should be...

As far as the CSA calculation goes, if you feel he has not given a fair reflection of his income in the assessment (maybe he's reduced his overtime hours in the short term, or not included his annual bonus, and implied that it's like that all year long or something) then certainly dispute the figures. However if the calculation is correct and fair then i'm afraid you will have to tighten your belt and accept that you have to make cuts in costs however you can or find more income from elsewhere. Are you claiming everything you can in terms of childcare costs, benefits like council tax and housing benefit etc? if your maintenance has gone down those benefits could well go up.

Look at where your main costs are an write down all your spending. You can probably snip a few corners here and there which might make a bigger inpact over the year than you'd realise. To be honest £180 on uniform and school shoes (even for 2 children) is quite a lot in my opinion and you could certainly cut those costs down buying generic uniform at tescos/asda/woolworths.

Yes things get better, but you have to stop counting on your ex or you have to insist he co-parents your children in all forms, including child care and flexible working arrangements while your ds2 is doing half days. Employers have to be more flexible with children under 5, so he can insist on this, if he wanted too...

you might wish he would piss off all togetherm but your children would probably be pretty devastated if one of their parents vanished off. You are being a great mum and putting your chilren first. It is hard work right now, but it will get easier.

I know all the gillybean - and I am prepared (and do cut cost where ever I can - to be honest the money is irrelevant and maybe I laboured to much on that (its just the latest line in the usual bullshit that was the tip of the iceberg today!)I have asked him to co-parent - I want him to want to spend time with them, but almost as soon as he has got them he talks about when he is dropping them back.

I couldn't buy a generic uniform, as the school has its mark over everything (even the bag!) (its not a private school, but a school that is very well thought of and parents fight (litterally in some cases!!) to get their kids in it). and I am not having the boys marked out from the beginning as not having what their class mates have.

I live way out of the catchment area now, but ds2 got in there as we were still in our old house (which he now has) when I applied, the reason I wanted him to go there too was DS1 had been through so much with us breaking up and moving etc that I did not want to pull him out and make him lose his friends as well as his family life .

just needed to vent really, as for his parents - ha, they never bothered before, and they certainly dont now.

Well vent away then if it helps

Oh and ask about second hand uniform at school, that way it'll be cheaper and still have the right logo. most schools sell 2nd hand uniform to help raise funds for the PTA

good idea! too late for this year now but maybe next.

also upset as it is havest festival this week - he can't/won't come. He didn't come to ds2's first day morning, which upset me terribly (but seemed to not bother ds2 at all!) and then he didn't even phone him to see how went that on top of forgetting his birthday has led me to the conclusion that he just doesn't really "like" ds2 - and I have always thought that, but he has never been quite so demonstrative of it until this year.

His loss, as DS2 is a funny little sausage - v cute and a pleasure to have about (as is his older brother ofcourse!)

I still think you should the comapny he works for to Inland Revenue!

YOu should challenge the governers on the school uniform there was a ruling to state that they are not permitted to do what they are doing - creat a monopoly on the uniform that you have to buy at inflated prices.

Still at least he is your ex now, you are so much better off without him. Role on January when ds2 is full time.

thats exactly what I am saying - talk about juggling!